Women in porn, and the men they marry...

[bliss_eternal]

Anyone have thoughts on this?

I recall reading that Jenna Jameson was interested in leaving the industry and focusing on attempting to start a family, but her husband didn't want her to give it up--so she's still making movies. :shrug:

I watched a show on HBO called Thinking XXX. A photographer took pictures of porn stars, in a similar fashion as Goya's artwork--featuring a before and after picture, one clothed--then same pose but unclothed. Anyway, during the show, one of the women stated she got married (to a rockstar :eyes:). She seemed to think when she got married she may leave the business--but her husband didn't want her to do so. He (of course) married her because she is in porn.

My read is this guy thought he'd have this freaky, circus sex on a daily basis if he married a woman in porn. The reality is she likes missionary, on a bed, with the lights out. She stated he wants to watch porn while they have sex, and she tells him he can, but to turn the sound off because she can't stand the sound of it. He married what he thought was her "lifestyle."

They now have a porn production company, at his urging when she wanted to leave the business.

I just don't get it, on both sides.

[Branjor]

1. My thought is.......

Stupid man. He mistakes the porn acting she does for the reality of her. That's like thinking someone *is* the character s/he plays on television.

As for why she married him - you've got me. Maybe internalized oppression?

[Samurai_Writer]

2. This has been my experience

I was doing erotic plus-size modeling for the past 10 years, and recently decided to stop. Although I'm single, every man that asked me out on a date was doing so because I was an erotic model, and not for any other reason. They thought being a model meant I would be easy to get in bed, while it is just the opposite. Even though I did very tame photos (artistic nude and semi-nude, never showing genitals or any type of sexual activity), every guy who I met automatically assumed I was in some swinging lifestyle because of my profession.

I do know married models who would like to quit, but their husbands are urging them to continue modeling, either because of the money or because it's a turn-on for the husband to have a model for a wife. So this doesn't surprise me at all.

[bliss_eternal]

8. That makes me sad...

I love erotic art, paintings even some photographs. I'm a fan of some pin-up art, too. It blows my mind that some men would equate a woman's work with her lifestyle. But given what you've shared here, I have a better understanding that it does happen.

For one of the guy's I speak of in my original post, I can see how he may make such an assumption--as a member of a rock group, that is his lifestyle. Groupies are frequently at the ready to fulfill rock star sexual fantasies. As a musician of the kind of group he's in, he can live that life and does. There are probably women that he's encountered in porn that DO live that lifestyle, and were all too happy to show him. I can think of at least one porn actress that has made the rounds of bedding various rock stars, and is proud of it. But that's HER thing--she's not all porn actresses. Not all women that work in porn live it--it's just their work.

Oh, and I hope it's ok--I pm'd you. :hi:

[ThomCat]

3. What fool thinks he's marrying her job instead of her?

What gets me, is didn't these women know these men well enough to see this BEFORE they got married?

I'm trying not to be judgemental here, but it sounds like there are some major communication issues in these relationships.
:(

[Warpy]

4. There are a whole lot more fools like that out there than you know

They're the guys who fill up multiple hard drives with porn and they really BUY it, to the extent they think real life is really like that. If they find women who are willing, those women never live up to the porn, so they don't tend to last too long. If these guys earn sufficient money, they use it to "buy" a porn star for a mate. It's no surprise that they think they're buying her real life.

Most guys "buy" porn when they're adolescents, but reality sets in sometime during their 20s. Oh, they still love it, but they realize it's a fantasy world and nothing to do with the real world of men and women and sex and children.

Some guys just never let go of the fantasy and keep trying to find some corner where they can pretend the fantasy is normal life. Marrying a porn star or even another sex worker is their way to try to do that.

It's hard not to feel sorry for everybody concerned, the porn star who wants a normal life, the sexual adolescent who wants to live a fantasy and pretend it's real, the family members who get in the way.

[ThomCat]

5. I agree.

I have some porn, so I'm not against porn. But I agree that a lot of the porn out there is horribly unrealistic. It's the worst form of sex education or relationship education anyone could possibly get.

If sex was portrayed realistically
If sex was less restricted and violence was more restricted in entertainment (reverse those movie ratings)
If we could get some real sex-ed implemented in our schools

Then I think our kids would be much better off.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

6. It's not just porn

I think regular mainstream movies and television misinform and miseducate, giving people this false idea of how sex and love are supposed to be.

How many times has the following scene played in a typical R movie: Male and female protagonists come together in a passionate frenzy, after not being able to stand the sexual tension percolating between them for another second! Clothing is ripped, often just enough to facilitate access to the crucial parts. Woman is thrown against wall and thrusting commences, leading to a quick and explosive climax, for both of them, at the same time.

Excuse me? I can't speak for men, but how many women would be able to get off in that manner? But I can tell you from personal experience with my own relationships, guys have been conditioned to believe that women should be able to. Then you add in the porn factor, where women are portrayed as if they are convenience stores for any manner of sex you want, any time, day or night. Geez, it's a wonder anyone is able to have good sex or function in a relationship in this country.

[bliss_eternal]

7. Definitely...

...major communication issues. I'm glad you mentioned this, ThomCat I thought the same thing. I also didn't want to seem judgemental, so I didn't say anything about it. But I think it's a valid concern given this scenario.

I'm completely dumbfounded as one of the relationships I mentioned, the woman is very smart(scholastically at least). It just seems strange that she would marry a guy not knowing what the deal was BEFORE taking vows.

In the case of Jenna Jameson, I don't know why she's with this guy at all. I get the sense from her that she adores women. She should be with a woman and say to hell with that guy.

[Nikia]

9. For many women in sex work, her sex work does not express her sexuality

It is a job. Often it is an acting gig. Many of them would not have stayed in sex work for long if they weren't making more money in it than anywhere else that they practically could get a job.