We’ve Come a Long Way, Chica. Or Have We?

[ismnotwasm]

"It was fellow seventh grader Ana Chavez who first decreed to me: “Only putas go on the pill.”

A few years later, as a sexually active teenager, I was still haunted by Ana’s proclamation, which echoed the sentiments of my neighborhood and family. While I feared becoming embarazada (pregnant)–a seemingly common rite of passage for many young girls in my working class, predominately Hispanic neighborhood–I equally feared being tagged a puta (slut)"



http://msmagazine.com/blog/blog/2010/08/10/weve-come-a-long-way-chica-or-have-we/


I read this and think; Let my heart stay on fire, let me listen before I judge, let me understand that there are similarities here to the plight of white women at one time, with the profound and soul-shaking exception that white women didn't have to experience racism and misogyny at the same time.

I can't imagine. Let me stay aware, oh, let me be aware of the experiences of women everywhere.

[ThomCat]

1. Going into a Planned Parenthood is a traumatic exprience for

a lot of people.

I never really understood that until an ex-girlfriend of mine needed someone to go with her.

(From back in the days when I still dated women, in college. She knew I liked guys but didn't have a boyfriend, and she asked me out, so we dated for about six months. It was a fun and interesting experience for both of us, I think. This was not long after we broke up.)

She desperately didn't want to go alone, and her current boyfriend at the time refused. He stopped taking her phone calls. Her family was very religious, she didn't want them to know anything was happening. So she called me. I held her hand and let her cry on my shoulder and talk on the whole bus trip there. I held her hand in the waiting room, and I was there to help her get home by cab when she came out. I paid for the procedure too because that bastard wouldn't. I "loaned" her the money and never asked her to pay it back.

I was working. She wasn't. Her parents were paying for her school and insisted that she should spend her time studying in stead of working, so she had no spending money. Like a lot of poor women, she would have been stuck without options. That made a big impression too.

I didn't understand what her boyfriends problem was. I didn't realize at the time that going into a planned parenthood was such a big deal. It was a doctor's office. Why was he being such a dick about it? I thought it was just the money, and he was just being cheap. But looking back, I think it was a lot more than that. Though, I'm sure the money has something to do with it.

Whatever his reason, whatever his excuses, he should have been there. It was just a trip to a doctor's office. It was just an abortion. He should have been mature enough, adult enough, dare I say "Man Enough" to be there. He wasn't.

I was a incredibly naive about it at the time. He was still a dick. I've spent a lot of time thinking about it over the years trying to really understand what was happening.

She didn't break up with him over this either. Which boggled my mind, and still does. She dated him for almost another year after that before she finally left him and started dating someone else.

[bliss_eternal]

3. Thank you for sharing, Thomcat...

...it's cool to hear a guy's perspective of such an experience--what you thought, what you wondered, how you tried to be supportive, etc.

I wonder if at least part of the reason she stayed w/him, was she accepted his reasons of distancing himself as "appropriate" and labeled her actions as "wrong" somehow? Maybe she told herself, it was right that he was not cool w/what she did. In her mind, maybe that was admirable to her (because of his deep spiritual/religious convictions).

Don't get me wrong, I totally call bullshit and agree that dude was a complete arsehole. I'm just reading this from the perspective of those I've known from religious families. It's like a man that would support a woman getting an abortion (for some) is seen as worse (somehow), than the guy that treats you shitty during such a thing. They tell themselves his treating them shitty is because they are doing wrong (by thinking of themselves and their future, etc.).

Maybe in her mind, she translated it to mean he really loved her--because he considered the fetus a life (if he was one of those guys). :shrug:

Anyway, just a few thoughts that came to mind as I read your post. Thanks again! :hi:

[bliss_eternal]

2. Feel free to pm me...

for more explicit details (if you're interested)--I want to share, but feel limited by the fact that du is quite transparent to the world.

I'll say that I'm related to someone that was pregnant at 15. The dude, told her he knew how to not get her pregnant, and wouldn't. Her mother only told her (prior) that only sluts had sex and got knocked up. She was told nothing about preventing pregnancy, etc. She had no idea what her period was when it occured. Her mother literally threw Kotex into the bathroom, pushed her in and after them and shut the door. :(

She was lucky (sort of). The dude loved her. But she was ill-prepared to become a teenaged wife and mom. Oh, did I mention her mother threatened the guy w/a charge of statuatory, if he didn't marry her? Not even a consideration of abortion.

Having said all this, one would think others in the family learned from this experience. Um....not quite. Which is the part you can pm about, if interested.

How my relative was treated, how I was treated, is exactly why I'm passionate about Planned parenthood and the availability of sex education for youth. If for no other reason, than I want other young women to know that sexual activity, protecting oneself doesn't make one "a slut."

[uncommon]

4. That just reminded me to take mine :)

This is sad. It's the flip side of the anti-sex ed movement that the fundies like to ignore - that failing to educate our kids will actually cause them far more trouble.

[bliss_eternal]

5. "I'm a Catholic latina and I'm on the pill..."

Found this through the choice blogs. Thought it provides an interesting contrast (for discussion). I may eventually make this an individual post in the pro-choice forum.

An excerpt:

Earlier this summer, NARAL released the results of a poll that it had commissioned in the Southwestern part of the country showing that 85 percent of Latinas support taking the birth control pill and 96 percent of Latinas think that family planning is a good thing. The memo begins with this:

The media and some political commentators often perpetuate a persistent myth that Hispanics are more socially conservative than the rest of the U.S. population on the issue of abortion. However, this study shows that while Latinas have mixed feelings on this topic, they are receptive to the idea of family planning and contraception and overwhelmingly oppose government intervention in women’s reproductive decisions, including abortion.

When I read these sentences, I found myself surprised at the findings of the study. I realized that had been persuaded by the “persistent myth” that Latinas are predominantly Catholic, and as such they carry strongly anti-choice views (“choice” meaning the wide array of reproductive health decisions that a person can make). But then I realized something else: wait a minute, I’m a Catholic Latina who is pro-choice. I fall into that 96 percent of Latinas who approve of family planning and the 85 percent of Latinas who support taking the birth control pill. In fact, I do use the birth control pill for reasons including controlling my fertility. Why then was I so surprised by these findings? Why did I buy into stereotypes about my own demographic group, when I don’t even fit those stereotypes?

------snip------


for more:

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/node/14051

:hi: