My son is a cop and a drunk

[DemReadingDU]

He's 34, married with 3 children (6 year old, 14 month old, 1 month old(not planned)

I have read that cops are social and like to drink, but the drinking tends to get excessive and results in a very high divorce rate.

I might add that I have an alcoholic brother in the next state. He is 45 and went into a treatment program. He has been sober for 1.5 years.

My daughter has suffered from major depression since she was a teenager. She is now 33. As long as she takes medicine, she is okay. But I worry about her being addicted to those meds. But this post is about my son.

I'm not sure how long he's been drinking, but over the past year it has gotten progressively worse. I don't think he drinks at work, but he has driven while drunk. He's an accident waiting to happen.

I thought he only drank beer, but this weekend he drank vodka and got so sick that he had a blackout. He was with his drinking buddies and apparently he fell down and somehow he now has a black eye. One of his buddies brought him home.

Daughter-in-law is a sweet person and we get along. She talked to us and she said he admits he has a problem and is going to a doctor. I don't know what kind of doctor or if he will keep the appointment.

My son needs to go to AA, but I don't think he is at that point yet. I told daughter-in-law she needs to go to al-anon to get information and to talk to people with the same issues.

My question, since my son is a cop, should I or my spouse or his wife inform his supervisor at work so that the supervisor can talk to my son and encourage him to go to AA, or go to a treatment program? What is best option for cops?

I know my son should be the one to go and tell the supervisor of his problem, but I don't think he's ready yet to do that. We are concerned because he's a cop and is supposed to uphold the law, not to disregard it. None of us want him to go to work drunk and make a bad judgment on someone and get fired, or have an accident and get fired.

Does anyone have any links to read about cops and alcohol?

Thanks for your help.

[NMDemDist2]

1. This is totally none of my business of course

but first of all :hug:

it's hard to watch I know.

I'm not a mom, so I can't share any experience with you. But he and his family will be in my prayers that he *DOES* keep that Doctor's appt, and that his wife will go to Alanon and get some suggestions.

Hang in there :hug:

[DemReadingDU]

2. Thank you for the hugs

I have been reading thru many of these threads and there is lots of support here. I appreciate that.

:hug:

[elleng]

3. Hoping for you,

I suggest you find out as much as you can about the rules/regs/procedures in your son's particular city/town/office; I suspect that NYC has different rules and practices about dealing with the issue than would, for example, Oxford, Ohio.

Many have internal approaches to helping those and their families in need/distress, and this knowledge should help you to figure things out.

Peace.

[DemReadingDU]

4. Thank you,

There are probably more options with a larger city and procedures to deal with them than a small town. We live in a medium city. I would think there would be an internal approach to dealing specifically with police officers and families. Will check it out, thanks

[Justpat]

5. Can you speak to him directly?

All you can do is express your concern and point him in the right direction.

I don't know if it right to tell his supervisor of his behavior until you have
a chance to speak with him yourself and tell him how you feel.


If you have been reading the threads here, you already know that the best
option for yourself is to get to an Al Anon meeting and share your thoughts.
You need a support group too.


:hug:

[DemReadingDU]

6. He is not answering his phone

I have talked to his wife, and he doesn't want to talk to anyone. Is he embarrassed and feeling depressed that he messed up? again

She did say the doctor appointment is Thursday. I suggested that she get a message to the doctor that the doctor needs to bring up the alcohol problem and treatment options. Otherwise, my son will just go to the doctor for stress, and the doctor won't have a clue what the stress is from.

After the appointment, we'll discuss the situation. In the meantime, we will seek out the substance abuse procedures where he works and try to find other officers in recovery who could also guide us.

Thank you for your response. It helps

[Justpat]

7. It sounds like a good plan to find other officer in recovery to help.

Our twelfth step is to help other alcoholics when the occasion arises to do so.

All the best to you and your son.
OB

[DemReadingDU]

10. Yes, we do now have a name to contact

and will do so, after son goes to doctor tomorrow and has a treatment plan that we all can help support.

thank you

:hug:

[Kajsa]

8. OB gave some great advice regarding finding

a fellow officer in recovery who could talk to him.

His doctor should absolutely know about his drinking.

I know, I withheld that info from many doctors when I was
drinking and in a nutshell, I wasted everyone's time.
They couldn't help me with anything until that was addressed.

A big :hug: to you, DemReadingDU.
Hang in there, you are doing the best you can.

:hug: :grouphug:- to his wife and your family, too

[DemReadingDU]

9. ah, more hugs, thank you

I appreciate the time people take to respond. We have the name of an officer to talk to, and will talk to him after my son goes to the doctor Thursday. My daughter-in-law plans to be there listening to what the doctor says, and offer her perspective of the issues. We also think there is depression, but whether he is depressed and started drinking, or the drinking caused the depression. Hopefully, the doctor can determine a course of treatment that my son will follow, with all our help and support.

Thank you for your concern.

:hug: