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I've heard many women say that if their husband died, they'd never get married again.

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raccoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-08-07 08:40 AM
Original message
I've heard many women say that if their husband died, they'd never get married again.

I've got my own thoughts about this, but what do you think are some of the reasons for this?
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Longhorn Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-09-07 09:52 AM
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1. I tend to feel that way.
I've been married for 31 years and I love my husband dearly. I just can't imagine finding someone else with whom I could feel so loved and accepted and comfortable. It took us years to get to this point where we can be ourselves. We hardly ever fight because we either worked out the issues a long time ago or we decided some issues weren't that important or we realized some things are never going to change so why keep fighting about them?

I'm also kind of a homebody and I don't mind being alone. Of course, when I'm home alone, I know my husband will be home later so I could be fooling myself about that.

My father died in 1999 and my mother, who was close to 67 at the time, hasn't remarried. She's gone out on one or two friendly dates but she just isn't interested. Frankly, her marriage wasn't nearly as comfortable as ours -- she was constantly upset with my father over this or that so she may just realize that she is hard to please!

My mother-in-law died when she was just 49 and my father-in-law was only 52 -- our age now. It was clear that he was not meant to be alone! A year later, he married a neighbor whose husband had died two years before. The four of them were good friends. They've now been married 22 years and have been very happy.
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OnionPatch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-10-07 08:23 AM
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2. I never understood that.....until
Edited on Wed Oct-10-07 08:49 AM by OnionPatch
I hit menopause.

I love my husband very much. But if he weren't around, I would NOT get married again. I would certainly have male friends, but not living in my house with me. Part of the reason is that it's just nice not to have to cook or clean for someone or ask their opinion on any small household changes you make, or compromise on vacation plans, etc. etc. But one of the other reasons would be sex. I might want it and enjoy it now and again, but it would be nice to not feel like I HAVE to feel sexy on a regular basis or I'm not a good wife. I will admit that I sometimes have to work at keeping my sex life lively since the loss of hormones from menopause, but I love my husband and don't mind having to work at it sometimes. I just can't imagine feeling the same for someone else. It's kind of like having kids. Once you have them, you don't mind doing whatever it takes to care for them, but if you don't have them, and don't want the responsibility, why bother?
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Pool Hall Ace Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-26-07 10:33 AM
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3. I would not get married again in the event of divorce, either.
I made the mistake of giving up autonomy when I married. I am making the effort to make my marriage work, but it's difficult, especially when my husband is not always honest with me.

I'm sure it sounds immature, but shacking up was so much more fun, and easier.
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japple Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-02-07 06:16 PM
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4. My husband died unexpectedly 3 years ago. We knew he
had an unoperable heart blockage and that it could happen at almost any time, but you never expect things to happen quite the way they do. I miss him and am sorry that he isn't here to enjoy our retirement, but I am not lonely, and don't plan to get married again. I am not interested in having a relationship with anyone, nor am I interested in dating. I'm 57 and this is the first time I've lived alone in my whole life, and it's kind of nice, quiet and peaceful. My family members come over often, and I cook dinner for the whole crowd once or twice a week. I have a dog and three cats, and not nearly enough time to do everything I want to do.
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LibertyLover Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-16-07 12:57 PM
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5. No way I would marry again
I married my husband rather late in my life - 45. I was used to living on my own, being responsible for me (and a dog) and not having to answer to anyone if I stayed up late reading (and what I read), went out with my friends, or wanted to do something. That's all changed - he doesn't like reading, so he doesn't like to see me read. He doesn't have any friends so he's not thrilled that I do and that I occasionally want to see them. Now I'm responsible for him (he doesn't work), 5 dogs, our 5 year old daughter, and everything. It sucks. If he dies before me, there is no way in hell I will marry again and subject myself to that amount of regimentation again. I periodically think about divorcing him, but since he doesn't work and probably can't get a living wage job at this point, I'd still have to pay alimony, so I'd still be supporting him. At least this way I get him to do some of the work around the house and some cooking.
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NashVegas Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-28-07 10:38 PM
Response to Original message
6. Let Me Tell You About My Grandmother
Edited on Wed Nov-28-07 10:40 PM by Crisco
She was widowed at the age of 58.

Remarried 2-3 years later.

Divorced two years later.

In my teens, I asked her why it didn't work out with her and "Uncle Karl." We all thought he was the bees knees, but it turned out that he was impotent and had refused, all the while they were married, to seek treatment.

She never remarried after that, or had another gentleman friend. When I think back on this, the symbolism says, "make me feel like a woman, or take a hike." How many older men do you know / have you known, who still have a healthy appreciation for a little romance?

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hippywife Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-26-08 04:55 PM
Response to Original message
7. I don't think I would.
I didn't get married until I was 38. We'll be married 11 years this fall. My husband and I are so good together that I doubt that would happen with anyone else. And, quite frankly, I love him so much and he's such a special person, I wouldn't want to have anyone else.
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