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has anyone hinted at "get over it" yet?

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DollyM Donating Member (837 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-13-11 01:50 AM
Original message
has anyone hinted at "get over it" yet?
I have a friend in Florida that came as close as anyone to telling me to "get over it" the other day. I told her I was moving on as I had closed my son's bank account last week. I had kept it open because I used it as sort of a benevolent fund, I used it to buy books for his friends for college, a classroom grant for his favorite teacher, helped some needy families buy Christmas, etc. It always made me feel like he was a part of what I was doing because his name was on the checks. But when Regions bank went to charging 12 dollars a month just to have the account, I just couldn't stomach throwing away money like that. I mentally apoligized to him as I was closing his account and I could almost hear him saying "screw em Mom, we are going to pay that!" I chuckled to myself at that point because he would say that. So I was explaining this to my friend and she basically said it was time for me to move on anyway. It kind of hurt my feelings so I wrote her a curt note back and haven't heard from her since. It's not like I have a shrine set up in his room or anything but yes, I still do have some of his prized possessions like his guitar. Most of his smaller things I have given away and have tried to consider to whom he would have given his things so it is a process. It's been two years but it still hurts me to the core sometimes when I think about him and how much I miss him. You don't stop loving someone just because they are dead and when it is a child, you just can't get over these feelings that you should have done something to protect them and prevented them from dying.
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CC Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-13-11 02:06 AM
Response to Original message
1. Sometimes people just don't understand and
think they are helping when they tell you that. Then it becomes our job to explain to them that talking, remembering even crying helps us heal from the pain of losing someone we love. Your relationship doesn't stop just because someone has died though it does change drastically. Your son is your son and always will be, you need to be allowed to talk about him. I finally just told people that I needed to be able to say my son's name and talk about him and if they couldn't handle it too bad. Most people handled it just fine and learned that it was ok alright for them to talk about him around me. I found it healing. It has been 11 years for me. It seems like its been forever and was just yesterday. I have a feeling you might just understand that last sentence. Hang in there. :hug:

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DollyM Donating Member (837 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-13-11 10:23 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. yes, I do . . . .
understand that last sentence . . . Thank you as well . . .I have found that I just need to "protect" myself more these days. It's just that sometimes, the hurtful comments come from the people I least expect them to.
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