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SheilaT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-02-10 07:19 PM
Original message
It's happening again!
I've been divorced nearly two years. Shortly after the divorce became final, my ex lost his job, and promptly filed to reduce the court-ordered maintenance to me.

A little background: We were married for 25 years. I stayed home to raise two sons, one of whom turned out to be a special needs child (Asperger's Syndrome). I am now 61 years old. All those years being at home adversely impact my ultimate social security payout. After being married to me he met his apparent soul mate (and I'm not actually being sarcastic here, I so believe this) and even helped pay for her school expenses while still with me. She was attending RN school at the time, but since they married about three months after the divorce, she has not worked. Apparently RN's are in oversupply in the Kansas City area. (this is sarcasm)

Since the divorce I have relocated to another part of the country and I'm quite happy with my new life. I have taken whatever part time or temp jobs I could while searching for full-time work -- not so easy to find in the current economy. Recently I completed a 10 week training program to become a certified clinical hypnotherapist and I'm working on starting my own practice.

There have been many delays in getting the money thing settled. After an initial decision in my favor (Ex has significant assets and has made no real effort to find work)they of course appealed. A hearing scheduled for last February was postponed to June 8, next week. I just got an email from my attorney telling me that he is requesting a continuance, citing a "personal family conflict."

Maybe the conflict is that he has somehow gotten wind of my intention to be there -- an 800 mile drive each way, I might add -- and does not want me to be in court.

This is the same man who decided 24 hours before our younger son was graduating cum laude from college, that he had some other pressing personal matter to attend to, rather than attend the graduation.

I've told my attorney I do not want to postpone the hearing, given all the delays so far. I would consider a delay if, and only if I get all of the back maintenance money currently owed me, which is a little more than $11,000, and that a ruling in his favor cannot be retroactive.

Comments? Suggestions? Advice?
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proudohioan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jun-03-10 03:14 PM
Response to Original message
1. I don't have any suggestions or advice.....
only one comment:

Divorce sucks, and even more so 'another woman/man' is involved! Any sense of personal responsibility, moral and legal obligation to the first spouse/family flies out the window in favor of the 'new, greener pastures' and his/her new found sense of "I want..."!

I've been divorced since March 1998, and the kids and I have struggled, both emotionally and financially, ever since.

My best wishes and thoughts are with you, SheiaT, and hang in there!

I wish I could be of more help.....

Will this do in the meantime? :hug:
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SheilaT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jun-03-10 07:11 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. Yes, this will do.
Because we were married as long as we were, our two sons were grown by the time he left. I am so incredibly grateful I didn't have to be a single mom. It happens to far too many women.

I'm really in more of a "shaking my head in disbelief" over this.
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SheilaT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jun-26-10 05:22 PM
Response to Original message
3. Here's the follow-up:
I drove the 12 hours, and my attorney convinced me that I was better off accepting the offer of reduced (by 60%) maintenance, and an equally reduced amount of back money. He's been out of work for over a year and a half, and has the excuse of the crappy economy to not even be looking. The particular judge we were in front of, according to my attorney, in a recent case quite similar to mine, decided to reduce the maintenance to zero and revisit it in two years.

I'm outraged, but there's apparently nothing I can do. My attorney convinced me that I was running a far greater risk of getting nothing than settling for the pittance.
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