Questions

[undergroundpanther]

I have a hard time motivating myself to exercise. I have "body issues" that make it psychologically difficult(trans-gender)to lose weight. I found as I lose weight I look more "feminine" and I don't want to look that way. But being as heavy as I am is bad for me too and if I ever hope to get my chest surgery I will get better results if I lose the fat first.
I found when I lose weight I want to masculinize my body asap,to avoid the femaleness 'stage'of it..And it makes losing weight difficult as men begin to"notice" my body in ways *I can't stand.
The weight goes off faster than muscle comes in and eventually the emerging female form kills my motivation because I look feminine and it's repulsive to me. So I regain to hide the emerging hourglass shape that screams "female"

I wonder is there a way to build muscle fast so I masculinize myself,so that I don't feel like a girl as much as I lose weight so I can feel sane as I get healthier?
I don't exercise at all these days.I am quite fat and I have loose skin from weight loss too.
I had a membership to Bally's and to Golds before.At Golds I went for over a year.I went three times a week two hours each time.45 minutes doing aerobic stuff and the rest was spent doing weightlifting sets, power lifting. I paid for a trainer for part of that time to help my routine. And it was grueling. I was always a little sore the next day.
When I stopped going to the trainer there was a big drop in motivation.It seems the trainer was important.But paying a trainer is too expensive. But I kept it up going to exercise for three more months.Than I kept getting ogled at all and it horrified me..The weight is back(less this time tho)and I am back to no exercise.

I don't want to EVER join a health club again. I felt entrapped financially because of unethical little clauses in the fine print and they hard sell you,and make it hard to get out of the'contract'.I don't like those kind of shady business practices.Besides I don't make enough money to pay for a gym I don't attend..
Are there any FREE Gyms? Gyms where you pay to go instead of this 2 year contract crap?
Lastly what would be your advice about dealing with my body image conflicts with exercise,my motivation and rapid body changes as the weight goes down and such?

thanks for any help you got

[semillama]

1. The only thing I can think of

would be powerlifting.

You'd get strong, get some serious muscles, and the amount of calories that powerlifters take in would probably help with the body image issue you stated. Of course, powerlifting usually involves some sort of serious muscle injury at some point or another, so look into that very carefully.

[flvegan]

2. This is a new challenge for me. I'm game.

First, are you taking anything for the trans-gender change? I'm VERY unfamiliar with the process. I think they give estrogen supplementation for m-f, but f-m, do they give testosterone? If so, what is it? Also, what is your diet like? If you're putting fat on, we need to look at this first.

Supplements you can try, but I don't know if I can recommend in this situation:
Tribulus, natural test increaser
Creatine, muscle fullness
6-OXO by Ergopharm, estrogen blocker
Dandelion extract, diuretic (women hold lots more water than men).
Had you been able to get in under the pro-hormone ban, you could've stocked up.
Please talk to your doc before trying ANY supplements.

I hate saying this, but since you're on a long road anyway, you might consider concentrating on bulking up with muscle before losing weight. Call it an "off-season" round of training. Then, when you lose weight, the muscle can be there to offset any feminine traits.

As for the gym, you might try a local YMCA. Usually more "regular" folks there, rather than a bodybuilder/spandex crowd. Free gym? Never heard of one.

Without seeing you, I'd suggest really working the shoulders and back/latissimus (lats) to give yourself as much width up top to offset the hourglass shape that's due to the female hip structure.

As for the "quick muscularity" you're going to need a gym, anyway. I would combine both high-rep/low weight training with low-rep/high weight training, incorporating a lot of negatives and ultra-slow reps. Get all the fast and slow-twitch muscle fibers pounding away at once, every workout.

Something else I'd like to stress...forget everyone else in the gym. Don't be concerned with how you look, nor with who's looking at you. Everyone is there for (kind of) the same reason. And, everyone there is a "lesser person" than someone else there for one reason or another. Conquering the gym phobia is the biggest hurdle. Go, wear headphones, look at the floor. Focus on you, not them, nor what they think. Focus on the next lift, the next minute on the (insert cardio machine here), not on how much weight it is, how you look doing it, who's watching you do it. It's hard, yes. But once you can do that, it becomes so easy.

I'm a certified personal trainer, but there's little I can do over the net as far as motivation goes. I'm at your disposal, though. PM away, anytime. My gift to DUers.

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

3. I would talk to a doctor..

Maybe they can prescribe you some sort of steroid to help you maintain a masculine look as you lose weight. I'm not sure if they would do this, but it doesn't hurt to ask. Men naturally are better at building muscles than women, and I think the hormonal differences are the only reason why.

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

4. There's got to be some gyms out there with less than a

two year contract. I hope so because we are going to be living in CT for just one year. I'm not interested in paying for a whole another year of gym usage that I'm not going to get. I would think you could find something that is a month by month kind of deal. I don't really know because I haven't looked into it.