I'm sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings.

[Ladyhawk]

I'm in a bad place right now. I have a feeling depression will kill me soon.

Also, DU has always aggravated me. I've had a lot of bad experiences with individuals here. I hate the general "vibe" of the site. It makes me defensive, angry and more depressed.

I officially left DU a few years ago. I should never have come back.

[mdmc]

1. hang in there

God willing, things will improve..

As far as DU goes, I find that the smaller groups are better for me. I no-longer keep up with GD or GD:P. I usually will go to page 20 in GD and kick any decent threads back up to the top of page one.

Hang in there my friend..

[Tobin S.]

2. A couple of things

I rarely post in the more contentious forums. I enjoy this site a whole lot more when I stick with the lounge and the groups. I don't need to argue with people who vote for the same people that I do. What's the point?

Secondly, if you get to the point where you feel like you can't go on, check yourself into a hospital. I don't care how much money you do or don't have. The problem you are experiencing is treatable. It can be fixed. There's no reason to let it kill you. I know you probably aren't thinking right, but I am, so listen to me.

You haven't hurt anyone here.

[mopinko]

3. i'm glad you haven't given up.

puny as we are in this little group, i like to think that we can make a teenie little difference.

we know about the mess that the state of california is in. but do you want to talk about what is happening with you?
how are you sleeping? i remember that you have apnea. i am finally getting a cpap TODAY!! i am so excited. it is supposed to be a new fangled smart one that doesn't need to be adjusted. even if is still feel tired, and still have a lot of pain, if i can get another hour or 2 in a day, it will make my life better.
i also remember that you are putting up with fundie relatives. i suppose they are as unbearable as the rest of the teabaggers. are you still living with your mom?
how is your health? i also remember that you had some problems with nerves, etc. how are you doing with that stuff? are you able to get care and meds?

[hedgehog]

4. It's like looking for work - you have to keep knocking on doors until you find the right doctor.

Just to encourage you to keep looking - my elderly mother lived with hip pain for five or six years. It got so bad she could barely walk and she was exhausted. MRIs, pain doctors, surgeons, X-rays, no one could help and no one could figure out what was wrong. Then she went to yet another physical therapist. He had her lie down on the table, he took her leg and rotated it just so, and her hip was back where it belonged in the socket. He sent her home with some exercises and that took care of the problem.

Keep fighting , we're counting on you.

[Ladyhawk]

8. What doors? There are no competent psychiatrists left in this county.

Medi-Cal will not pay for me to see an out-of-county psychiatrist.

I'm fucked.

My primary care doc said as much. He can't do anything for me.

No doors.

The only thing I can do is move. As sick and poor as I am, I don't see how that's possible. I'd need an inordinate amount of help and luck. My energy is tapped out.

I'm still looking for ways out, but every time I receive bad news, it wounds me just a bit more.

So, unless you know someone in a liberal area with good mental health care who would take me and Gabby in (bird), there's nothing that can be done.

(I'm too tired to edit...figure out the rambling sentences as best you can.)

[EFerrari]

5. I'm glad you're here, Ladyhawk.

I'm in the bad place right next door so there goes the neighborhood. :)

[hunter]

6. It was good to see you around.

Don't hang out in the places on DU where people make you feel worse, or on DU itself if it's all that way.

And you certainly never have to worry about hurting my feelings. I've got thick skin and I'm oblivious so I sometimes don't recognize when people are trying to hurt my feelings.

Be well, and follow Tobin's advice. If you ever feel as if you are heading over the falls, get yourself to the E.R., call 911, etc.

:hi: :hug:

[Ladyhawk]

7. Other thoughts...

DU makes me feel more depressed. It puts me into a bad mood that carries into my interpersonal relationships. I have exactly one liberal friend and I may have to say goodbye to him because he probably wants more than I can give him. I'm not attracted to him.

The rest of the people in my life are fundamentalist Christians and/or extreme right-wingers. And no, I can't change this as long as I live in fundyville. And as long as I'm depressed and on disability, moving seems impossible.

DU is addicting, but it's not good for me. I sometimes wonder if it's good for ANYONE. It's like watching a train wreck. I want to look away, but something entices me to look.

I am hoping this is my last post.

[redqueen]

9. I hope you find someone who can help...

I have insurance and a doctor but they raised the co-pay so I can only afford to go once a month if that... so I really sympahtize with you.

And I know what you mean about thinking DU is bad for you sometimes, but if it's ever good for you, then I hope you can always find someone here to lean on when you need someone.

Good luck.