It just sux

[undergroundpanther]

"Being born is like being kidnapped.
And then sold into slavery."(Andy Warhol)


Sigh... Just when medical debt had dwindled to a mere 180 bucks...
My roommate got a flu shot.He thought it would be prudent.I got one too.
He got it because he had delayed going to the doctor(ironically to save money!!)So when he finally went they recommended it and he said OK.

His arm swelled up and got a deep red area because the shot site got infected.He had to go to the hospital to stop the infection.
He gets barely over 1,000 bucks a month. He has medicare.
Before Bush his medicare would have covered this.
Medicare does not cover all of a hospital bill anymore. It seems since he went to the doctor we pay pay pay. A hundred here,50 bucks there. It adds up..yet I am glad he is getting looked at..
But he said he is not going to the doctor for a while because they might order tests and stuff we can't pay for.We still got the heat bill coming the electric,the phone, etc.and it costs.
I hate having to choose between medical care and other necessities.

Now he owes 1,000 bucks to the hospital.This hellhole didn't even have functioning heat.For 4 days he was there getting IV antibiotics.
And his doctors are talking about gallbladder surgery down the road.
He dreads the bills more than fearing a dying body organ in his body, He worries how soon it will be if he has to get it out.He's hoping later rather than sooner because we owe we owe..

I was the same way when I got a cat bite on my hand and I had no insurance,and I went to the doctor after trying to treat the cat bite at home(my cat had cancer and he hated the prednisone) I sat in her office crying my eyes out,not from the pain or from the fact I could have lost my hand,no I dreaded THE BILL.

It's overwhelming for me and for him to be dealing with the ya ya,the bills,the gouging,the finances.It;s a mess. I don't understand. I just can't cope with all the stress,phone tag,and other confusing crap.I just want them all to leave us ALONE.I can't deal with all this bullshit.
I just want to curl up and go to sleep and never wake up. There is no one to help us. The rich can HIRE people to figure all this out and manage this insurance crap FOR them. So of course the rich they can wax poetic about choice because they got a team of managers to figure it all out FOR them. I don't. All these choices just make me more confused and miserable sometimes because I don't understand and I want the best option but it's so fucked I don't know what to go for.. I live in a constant state of ambivalence. it's hell.

I HATE having body. Because bodies get hurt, get sick, it needs to EAT all the time,needs to be washed, needs to be kept from freezing, lest it torture me, goddammit a body is a pain in the ass. It has so many needs and every one of them costs money or time or effort. I get very little joy in this body.Goddammit Why do I have to PAY a bunch of assholes who are fat happy and predatory to exist in a world I never wanted to be part of!!!!I am here because my parents had sex and my mom decided to "have " me. I had no choice in this.Yet I pay.

Sometimes I wait for death to make it all go away.Because these fucking debts they never go away..not with the cheesy income we got.It's like moving a mountain with a teaspoon.
I resent the wealthy.In fact I HATE rich people.Because of their greed to be over comforted, I get to suffer and suffer more. The corporate thugs raid the safety net and I will crash. It's only a matter of time..

I don't have much hope in humanity. I can't afford to escape this country when people finally decide they have had enough.I am here like it or not there is no escape for the poor. I see people on DU talking about escape to Panama or someplace..Fat Chance I will have that option and I know nobody will PAY for me to get out.I am going to wind up ion a slave camp or something or I'll just kill myself when the rich people's armed mercenary debt collectors bang down the door.


Because nobody else is organized and storming the Whitehouse yet, and nobody is storming the gated communities to get in the rich thieves faces and make them accountable,we and millions like us suffer.Nobody in the media has any guts to tell the truth.. So I don't feel much hope things will get better until things get radicalized and moree people get the pinch.. And after that these thugs are ready with their detention camps and microwave crowd control devices.I feel the Dem's don't give a shit about the poor and because so many people are not poor enough to fight yet I will have alot more suffering in my future because I am way poorer than the "middle class".. and my mental state makes me less able to deal with the ya ya other people seem to be able to cope with.

One positive us I don't have credit card debt.I pay everything in cash.So at least credit debt is not looming over us...

Too many Americans are I fear like us they too are overwhelmed too much shit to do,too many bills too many demands,everything needs to be fed, fixed,or whatnot. The other option is they got a strange sort of stockholm syndrome so they let the bully thieves beat and steal to their hearts content because they want to misidentify with the bully.. Americans mind-fuck themselves and each other while untold millions suffer..for WHAT? An empire of assholes run by sociopath super rich thieves who think people dying is funny?

It's NOT fucking funny.

The wealthy few have no right to pursue happiness if it means I cannot live at all .There has to be a LIMIT on how much one can hoard at the expense of others. We share this planet. None of us asked to be here we all need certain things to exist. Why be part of a society if it does not help you live better than you would live in a tribe somewhere?

When will I see a sign that Americans will not continue to tolerate such predation?
I don't see real defiance,just some grumbling and they go feed the rich their labor..because they are extorted by family needs and work to pay to exist,like most of the world is .I don't have much hope anymore. Everything is dying and I am tormented and it just gets worse.

How much does one of Cheney's taxpayer funded canned hunts cost?
I bet just one of those hunts would have paid off the hospital bill, paid for his gallbladder surgery, and my transgender surgery with a shit load left over for anyone else who needs some help.

Why Poor Americans are not rising up and taking it all back from these wealthy thieves yet I have no clue. How long until they snap?

Because I feel like I snapped long ago.

I hate life. I wish I was never born.
At least not here in this country with
this fucked up system with these greedy fucking bullies
running things into the dirt.
And because I am poor ,because I have trauma,
I cannot do much to change things by myself.
I can barely cope with getting up getting dressed
and doing what I got to do.
I can barely manage the bills.Stress over this kills me.
yet that's what is required to face a challenge.


Fuck this bootstrap shit.

I wait. Maybe death will come soon and I will not feel anything anymore.
I won't owe some rich fat fuck money I do not have,that he does not need to funnel to the republican party to fund Cheney's canned hunts while other people forgo medical care to eat..I know someday I won't struggle anymore against all this shit that does not have to be but is because humans for the most part suck,.I'll be dead. Just like being unborn again.

I hate this world. and Humans suck.Life is evil.

[RedOnce]

1. Wow, sorry to hear that life sucks for you. I hope...

that things change soon.

[EFerrari]

2. It does suck. In the last month, I've noticed that Medical has

been finding new, improved ways to deny Doug his meds WITH NO NOTICE AT ALL.

And then it's a chase movie trying to find THE ONE PERSON in the whole bureaucracy who can fix it. The consumer reps can't help; the field office won't talk to me. The pharmacist bitches to Doug and they upset him even when I asked them pretty please, talk to me.

It is effing exhausting. And I hate hate hate for the bit of positive energy we have managed to scoot together into a small hopeful pile to be utterly and wantonly wasted this way. After hours and days of dealing with these bastards, I just want to go to bed and pull the covers up over my head.

Except, then they win.

I have to have another go at these @ssholes from hell on Monday. In a sane world, they would approve his meds, then work with us to straighten out whatever problem for the next month.

But, no. They just pull the authorization as if there are no lethal consequences. Well, there aren't any -- for them.

Fuck them and the form they rode in on. We've had a good, productive weekend. I managed to buy what Doug needed until Tuesday. Tomorrow, I'm at 'em again. They better have back up.



:hug: to you underground panther.

[NMMNG]

3. I wish I had words to comfort you undergroundpanther

But I doubt anything I could say would be of benefit. I do empathize with your plight however, and offer you a :hug:, for whatever it may be worth.

With Metta,
Buffy