Well, Doug is better but still very unwell.

[EFerrari]

He can interact with me in a very limited way. He's convinced that I don't care about him which is a step up from TG week when he was locking himself into the bedroom because he was afraid of me. Dear lord.

He hasn't been nearly 100% since the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.

These goddam anti psychotic meds give him horrible side effects, and we've tried them all. It looks like our only option is trying to minimize them, with Vitamin E, with anything we can.

Mostly, I'm able to hold onto what is really happening but sometimes now into the third week of this, I feel increasingly overwhelmed and sad. Well, it is overwhelming. It is sad, too, that someone who has worked so hard to be well still is at the mercy of his chemistry.

I think on Monday, I have to rattle a few cages. Doug's docs are wonderful but, his is a complicated case and we need some help here.

Today, his mother called to thank us for her birthday flowers and I didn't answer the phone because I was too tired to try to frame this for her. I will call her tonight though. On her last visit, she saw how we've worked things out, how close we are and she visibly relaxed. That was a great thing to see. :)

Man, thanks for letting me vent here. Today, I planted roses and jasmine in pots and planters on our deck. I believe they will take root, grow and be a great comfort.

:hug:

Beth

[Tab]

1. Best wishes to you and Doug

I don't know your history, but I do know a screwed-up brain chemistry is really difficult. It's like having your life switched to a different channel on you.

I hope you get this noodled out, and soon.

- Tab

[EFerrari]

2. Thank you, Tab.

My biggest frustration is, Doug is willing and dedicated to his recovery, I am, he's got a wonderful therapist and a world class monitoring psychiatrist. And this *still* happens.

But, that's reality. lol

We've all come a really long way. Maybe I should rehearse some gratitudes.

Like, my gratitude for you all. :)

[SemiCharmedQuark]

3. I'm glad things are turning around.

You're one of my favorite posters because you always stand up for the downtrodden, the underdog, the forgotten. And once again you are doing that it seems.

Having just come out of the hospital last month, I saw the difference a strong support system made. Sometimes, in the worst pits, it's hard to see that. I can especially understand about the anti-psychotics. Seroquel had me down for almost 20 hours a day.

I hope the improvement continues. I know it is a slow process. For every two steps forward, it sometimes feels like you take one step back. But Im grateful for every person like you who makes an effort to help and understand the illnesses. Every person that understands helps society become more accepting.

Sincerely
Steph

[EFerrari]

4. Hey, Steph

I adore my Doug. He's the sweetest kindest most funny person I'll probably ever get to meet. I start from there.

It is hard sometimes. I get really tired and of course, the support net work requires constant attention. Some times I "lose it" and am impatient with Doug when I KNOW better.

Today was a good day. Can't touch that.

:toast:

[mrgorth]

5. God bless you SF

and thank you for what you do.

[EFerrari]

8. God bless us all.

There's so much beauty in our families. I'm firmly convinced that for every upset, pain or trauma, there's an equal and opposite, related gift.

:toast:

[mopinko]

6. scared of me

wow, do i know how that feels. talk about helpless. oy.
glad to hear he is feeling better. i hope that when things settle down the 2 of you have a good way to reconnect, and heal. i think it is human nature to want to sit around and lick those wounds. it can be so hard to keep looking forward. doug is lucky to have you. i hope he takes care of you when he can.

[EFerrari]

7. We have a real partnership going and that constantly amazes me.

He's "back" and gives me a ton of support when I ask for it. The luck goes both ways, definitely. If it weren't for Doug, I wouldn't be producing or writing and I love doing both. :) We're making a 2 Act 1 man show out of a book he wrote and I'm in editor's heaven.

The rapprochement is much quicker and shorter now that I understand what is going on. Thank you, everyone, that lent their support while he was in the throes. It really, really helps us get over these bumps much more kindly and quickly.

:loveya:

[Gregorian]

9. Dear Beth.

I haven't been to this forum in ages. I had no idea anyone but ME had problems. Reading your post, I feel so selfish. And you are so very brave. You open your heart to a community. I am so affraid that I almost never say what is on my mind. You deserve so much credit for your honesty and openness.

I really hope you are going to pull through this.

I'm caught up in my own world. I put my beautiful property on sale yesterday. Officially. I have almost no idea where I'm going. Hopefully not downhill.

This time of year sucks. I think. I hope the best for you. I'm so poor at this kind of thing. That's partially why I don't respond to people. Even if this seems inappropriately worded, I pray that all works out.

[EFerrari]

10. My friend

Thank you for thinking of us, thank you for your support.

I appreciate it very much.

:hug:

Beth