he's back. things seem pretty good.

[mopinko]

with the news about our kid, and her influence in this mess, we had some tough things to talk about. but we got through it. it will take him a while to sort all that out, cuz she was really working on him. i am so grateful for a dx for that kid. man. she had him convinced that there was nothing wrong with her, at all. not even bp. and she really was a big part of the mess we were in. big.
our friends were "pleasantly surprised" that i was able to be sane and work all this out enough for him to come home. they wouldn't accept what i told them about the kid, but maybe with a little time, they will. nobody wants to admit they were conned. but boy were they.
i think the kid has a bright future in politics. at the very least, she needs to learn the 3 card monty.
we were able to be calm and keep talking. i was able to answer some of the usual "happy talk" with a calm, "i need to talk about these kind of things in a way that is mindful of the deep dysfunction in this relationship that has f'ed up everything." i don't want to make an issue out of every conversation, but we are supposed to be digging a new foundation here, not planting daisies in the window box. i can cope with the real thing, i can't cope with the wallpapering of everything.
he was complaining about his therapist, but i hope that we are in a calm enough place for that to get better. he said she said- "i'm want to get to know you, but you are having one crisis after another. so i am frustrated." i hope that is not exactly what she said, cuz it sounds damn inappropriate. again. then again, my therapist is going a little nuts with it all, too. i hope we are in a new place, and they can work it out.
things were affectionate without being unreal. hope returns.

[DemExpat]

1. Some call this getting through the really tough times....

:hug:

DemEx

[mopinko]

6. my shrink called it

the calm after the storm, and made it sound like a bad thing. but it was a new start, i'm sure. it was good for everyone to take a really hard look at those words- i'm leaving. they carry a lot of fear and other emotional baggage. but now they carry a lot of reality, for everyone. i am feeling better about myself, because i did not find it as scary as i thought it would be. and because i was able to take care of my little kids, something i did not think i could do.
just seeing how much the bp kid had to do with it will go a long way to sorting things out. my shrink gives me a hard time for focusing on other people so much, but that is what my problem is. and for trying to figure out if people are mentally ill. i understand her insistence that this mostly just muddies the waters when people are not admitting or understanding it themselves. but the kid is another story, and there is a lot to understand there. within myself, i am not that troubled. not that i don't see that i could change, and make things better. but what i need is to understand these people, and figure out what kind of relationship is possible with them. oops, i must be in denial.

[knowbody0]

2. mopinko

you are an inspiration for me. i can tell that you are the power that holds your family together. give yourself lots of credit, and take good care of your precious self.

[mopinko]

7. thank you

i sure am trying to hold it together. i read an interesting book once- "love's executioner" one of those case history books by a shrink. this title story was about a woman who had had an intense love experience, then the guy just cut her off, no explanation. she couldn't get over it. the shrink said that he hated dealing with love obsessions. that it was a fundamental conflict for a shrink. the point of therapy being to make the person whole within themselves. but of course, relationships are part of what we need to be whole. i am sure feeling this conflict with my shrink.
lucky i don't get that bent about what sheepskins think.

thanks for your support know, du has been so much help in this mess.

[Tallison]

3. Have a question

What do you find inappropriate about her comment in the second to last paragraph? I'm not familiar with the context, but outside of one it doesn't sound so bad.

[mopinko]

4. i have heard a lot about this therapist's feelings

and they tend to contradict good practice, if you ask me. i don't know if you read the thread- "professional conduct and ethics" i think she has repeatedly inserted her emotions into the discussion, including during crisis situations where they were not helpful. not happy about this, frustrated about that. coupled with some other iffy things, like not answering phone calls, i am not trusting this person. i am pretty jaded when it comes to the worship of sheepskins, and i know i am only getting second hand, tiny bits of info. it could be me. but this therapist worries me.

[Tallison]

5. Oh, okay

I thought it was your daughter who said that... Now makes sense. :)