A growing realisation that I might be a manic depressive

[McKenzie]

is...well growing!

Seriously people, as we all get older we see certain behavioural problems/issues in ourselves or just behaviour that is out of synch with what is regarded as "normal". Whether normality is relative or not isn't something I am competent to discuss. All I know is that I can swing from happy bunny to doomed up in response to certain events.

The events in question are inconsequential from the perspective of someone looking at the situation impartially, and without the emotional baggage that depression entails. All I know is that I respond badly to adversity in some cases. From the little I know about the subject the need to do something about it reaches critical stage when the periods between the bouts of depression get shorter or the periods of depression individually get longer and longer. I don't know if I am at that stage because I have never monitored my behavioural patterns.

I sometimes muse whether it's genetic. My mother was schizophrenic so I might have inherited some of the genes that govern certain aspects of my mental health. Who knows?

Medication is something I wouldn't touch (apart from Dr Glenlivet)Taking medication would be to cross that Rubicon (probably an inappropriate metaphor) and accept that I'm mentally in need of help. The acceptance of that would constitute one of the "adversity events" alluded to above with the corollary of further depression. Perhaps I'm in denial; I don't know enough to know whether that is the case or not.

So, to those of us who sometimes sit in the darkness, staring into the middle distance, I empathise with you all.

No doubt I'll bounce back for the umpteenth time in due course.

edit: spelling & grammar

[Droopy]

1. I've heard of people trying to deal with

manic depression through alternative methods, but I don't know what they are or how effective they are. Somebody will probably come along and tell you about it.

But the only person who can say for sure whether you have the illness usually has an M.D. by his/her name. It might be a good idea to get an evaluation just so you know for sure. You don't have to accept treatment. But I can tell you that your mother being ill means that you have a greater chance for developing an illness. And that manic depression is a very serious illness. I think something like 10% of people with manic depression die from suicide.

[McKenzie]

2. thanks Droopy...

I knew a little about the suicidal tendencies of manic depressives so your advice is particularly appropriate.

I haven't really looked at the issues all that closely until now. Perhaps it's time I did just that, rather than continue on the rollercoaster rides of happy to depressed in a short space of time.

Regards from early morning Scotland.

[knowbody0]

4. good luck McKenzie

i wasted far too much of my time in the darkness.

[SpeedwayDemocrat]

7. Not sure about the MD

I would look to a psychiatrist to diagnose this before the MD. My doc mis diagnosed me with AD/HD, when it was actually bipolar. The drugs for AD/HD don't work for bipolar and most doctors don't spend enough time with you to pick out the subtle differences.

[Droopy]

8. I thought a psychiatrist was an MD

[Lorien]

3. This is very effective against bipolar disorder and general

depression: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=276&topic_id=1649&mesg_id=1649

I've been using it for several months now, and it's been the longest period of time since childhood that I've spent depression free.

[McKenzie]

5. to those who have replied

thank you people. The stigma associated with depression means that many sufferers do so in silence given the fear of being stigmatised.

Venting on this board is a form of therapy in its own right...hope Skinner doesn't send me a bill!

[DemExpat]

6. I have very pronounced mood swings too....

some were hormonal related, others part of my diagnosed borderline PD....depression and panic disorder too.

I have done much better after getting off all medication - but this is a very individual choice.

One of my closest friends is Manic-depressive - when medication made things worse for her she was desparate to avoid psychiatric diagnosis and recommendation of medication again when it came back about 5 years ago. Everyone (friends and family) was advising her to take meds. When she asked my counsel, I supported her in doing what SHE wanted, but that she did need to have professional help in this.

After these years of good psychotherapy (without meds) she is doing very well without extreme mood swings, and happy about it all as having done it her way......

Totally personal choice IMO and in my experience.

Consult various support options for their advice and see what feels right to you.

:hug:

DemEx

[EFerrari]

9. Hey, McKenzie

I'm someone who has a physical reaction to the thought of taking medication. I don't trust it, and I think most people who can legally prescribe it should be returning for regrooving.

Having said that, a good doctor who will work closely with you can help you even things out without turning you into zombie.

It is possible to be an the right meds and stay in denial. It's just a better experience of denial. :)

[mopinko]

10. as someone who has been on both sides of this

both as someone who had depressions that i did not seek help for, and as someone who is dealing with 2 loved one who could be helped by meds but won't take them, i would urge you to give it a try. i know it feels like crossing the rubicon, and saying that you need help is hard. but really, i think that if you can get some meds that help you, you will regret that you let so much of your life be eaten up by a treatable disease. it wouldn't be the rubicon if we were talking about your panceas, or your liver. i know that the mind is different. but it can still have chemical malfunctions that have nothing to do with anything but chemistry. but it colors all of reality, painting things all black, or all glittery white. as someone who is being painted black by someone i love very much, i urge you to wade into that river. there is little to lose, and much to gain.
take care of yourself mac, and be not afraid.

[shrike]

11. Medication means I no longer have to feel emotions which are not real

First off, I understand and support anyone's decision not to take meds. I wish I didn't HAVE to take meds, but I do. I suffer from clinical depression and ADHD, both of which are brain-based. I can get along without ADHD medication and may decide to do so again someday, but for the moment it allows me to work and accomplish things I've wanted to do for years but have never had the focus and concentration to finish. Depression is another matter. There may be nothing wrong with the world; the sun is shining, I have a husband who loves me, money in the bank, a nice house, etc., and yet I want to die; I feel hollow, as though the insides of me are a void. This pain, these emotions are not based in reality, but I feel them nonetheless. They are my brain gone out-of-whack. They can paralyze me if I don't keep them in check.

This past winter, after 11 years on Prozac, I slipped into a depressive episode. A bad one. It'd been so long I didn't even realize what was happening to me. My husband met me after I went on meds, so the whole thing scared the hell out of him. I ended up getting ahold of someone from my insurance carrier, of all things, from the mental health department. She said, "It sounds to me like you need a meds adjustment. The dosage you're taking isn't working anymore." "Oh," I said, for that had never occurred to me. "Go to your doctor's office immediately," she said. "Don't wait. I'm going to call the office to make sure you get there." And I did, and a 10 mg. increase was all it took. I'm fine now.

Believe me, I would LOVE not to take meds. Pain in the ass. If you can do without them, then God bless.

[Maraya1969]

12. For me - the proper medication saved my life

I realize everyone has to go their own way but I have taken it now for years and besides being a pain having to get them and then swallow them I notice nothing except no depression, only mild and occasional panic and no horrifying mania. So it is well worth it for me.