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Subject: John Kerry Go Away!!
Andrew, I shall enlighten you with a little history of the past 2 years -- you haven't always joined the chorus of the Washington punditocracy, but your voice is definitely in the mix: Washington Punditocracy 11/04: John Kerry Go Away!! You lost by a landslide, er, 120,000 votes in Ohio, and you just need to go the hell away. John Kerry: Well, I'm still in the Senate, and have ideas about what to do in Iraq. WashingtonPunditocracy: Perhaps, if we just ignore him, he'll just disappear. John Kerry: 12/04: 11 million kids don't have healthcare . . . Washington Punditocracy: Did you hear anything? Nope, nothing at all. John Kerry: 1/05: Um, nice election in Iraq, but the fact that the Sunnis didn't participate is going to mean trouble. Washington PUnditocracy: What an Eeyore! Iraq is a great democracy and George Bush is a genius! John Kerry: 10/05 Iraq is a mess, we're running out of time to fix it. I now regret my vote for the Iraq War Resolution. Washington Punditocracy: Hey, everybody -- did you hear that John Edwards disavowed his IWR vote? What an upstanding citizen and former senator to be so forthright and admit a mistake. John Kerry: 1/06 I made a promise in '03 that I would filibuster any Supreme Court Justice who would overturn Roe v. Wade. Alito definitely fits that bill. Senate colleagues -- who's with me? Washington Punditocracy: What a loser John Kerry is skiing on the slopes of Switzerland calling for filibusters that will never happen. What an elitist! Washington Punditocracy: What a statesman John McCain is at the World Economic Summit in Davos! Not sure exactly where Davos is -- in Europe somewhere. It doesn't matter much; the point is John McCain is a straight talking statesman. Hey, who's that tall guy over there -- he must be lost participating in the Economic Summit. Shouldn't he be SKIING? John Kerry: 4/06 Iraq is in a civil war, the third war the country has been in in three years. We must put pressure on the Iraqi government to form a unity government; and if they don't get a move on, we need to threaten a withdrawal of American troops. We need a summit that includes all the players in the region, including Iran and Syria, so that we can come to a political solution. We also need a timetable for withdrawal, as the large number of troops are, as the generals have said, "feeding the notion of occupation". Washington Punditocracy: John Kerry is a cut and runner!!! He is dead wrong, as usual. Let's ignore him, and if he shows up anywhere start laughing, just like in high school. John Kerry: Summer of '06. The Democrats need to make this election about Iraq. I have supported candidates like Patrick Murphy and Joe Sestak whose campaigns are about the war; they are veterans and I will defend them against any swiftboating, so what happened to me will never happen to a fellow veteran again. Oh, and Democratic candidates -- here's $14 million -- huh, I'm surprised, but apparently I've given more than any other Democrat. Washington Punditocracy: John Kerry -- you've done NOTHING for the candidates. That website heyjohn.org just said you've given next to nothing to the DSCC -- so fork it all over, because darnit all, Hillary WILL be the Democratic nominee (oh, or maybe Obama, just not YOU), and we'd prefer if you would please give all your funds away so that you're out of money for '08. Do it for the party, John. Oh, and NOBODY in the Democratic party has a plan for Iraq -- I mean that's what the White House is telling us, and we'll just take their word for it. John Kerry: 10/31/06 Oh, bloody hell -- I just botched a Bush joke, and now the Drudge Report says I insulted the troops. Better set the record straight now. Washington Punditocracy: Oh, just shut up John Kerry -- you are a major screw up because you botched a joke, and oh -- equal time, looks like you insulted the troops, so apologize. We don't care what the truth is, JUST GO AWAY!! Cripes, you haven't done a darn thing since Nov. '04, and this is how you debut your first appearance? John Kerry: I apologize. I can't be a distraction for the midterm election, which is so important. Washington Punditocracy for the rest of the week: Oh, that John Kerry joke has had a SERIOUS impact on the election -- 18% of Independents were effected -- the Republicans have seized the news cycle and very well could pull out a squeaker, what with that JOHN KERRY botching a joke -- now who's going to vote Democratic! Washington Punditocracy after Election Day: Oh, Corruption and Iraq were the top 2 issues in the election. Democrats ran on it and won. Of course they still don't have a plan for Iraq. Silver lining -- at least that John Kerry is going away, since that joke of his cost the Democrats the election, er, or something or other. John Kerry: The midterm election is a clear mandate for the Democrats, and I am focusing on that right now. However, the botched joke will not affect whether I decide to run for president or not. We still need to talk to Iran and Syria, btw. Andrew Sullivan, prized member of the Washington Punditocracy: John Kerry -- you are the worst politician in Washington, worse than George Bush. (True he really messed up the Iraq war, ordered torture, ran up the debt, and did away with habeas corpus, but damn, that's NOTHING compared to not realizing a botched joke sinks a presidential campaign. I mean -- what the hell has John Kerry done other than botch a joke?) (James Baker goes and talks to Syria. Syria, Iran, and Iraq plan a meeting. Consensus around Washington is reached that the U.S. will need to talk to Iran and Syria and do massive diplomacy in the region) That's right, Andrew -- you've been dead wrong about John Kerry for so long, I'm not sure why I bother to spell it out for you. I thought ideas, not trivial things like botched jokes, are what it's about at the end of the day. I thought you did, too, but I guess I was wrong.
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