what would you guys do? (awkward wedding situation)

[Bill McBlueState]

I got this e-mail from my brother today. He has no more use for Christianity than I do, but he doesn't self-identify as an atheist, so he may handle the situation differently than I would. What would you do?

-----

My buddy ... asked me today via e-mail if I would read from the Bible at his wedding....

But how clueless can he be? Surely he knows that I am actively not a Christian. He and I don't see eye to eye on politics, but it's so much more than that -- we have deeply rooted fundamental disagreements about God and morality. Could he have possibly made this request knowing that I don't share his faith? Or worse, does he know but simply not care?

What do I do? I'm not into Jesus, but I've got enough respect for religion and (intelligent) people of faith that I wouldn't feel right doing it. But I don't want to say no, either, and let down a friend who I'm sure thinks he's doing a noble thing, inviting me in.

Dude. Can he possibly not realize how strange this is?

[JNelson6563]

1. I wouldn't have a problem with it if

it were one of the few positive passages. There are a few bits of good stuff in the bible, amongst the horror.

It would depend entirely on the passage IMO.

Julie

[PassingFair]

2. I'd do it too.

It won't hurt you. If you like are close enough that he would ask you to read something at his wedding, don't make a big deal over it.

You don't have to turn into Pat Robertson!

[salvorhardin]

4. Although it could be the start of a lucrative career

If you could turn into Pat Robertson. :-)

I'm with everyone else. It's for a friend. Pick out something meaningful to you. He's a believer so it'll already be meaningful to him and having his friend read from a book that is personally important to him at his wedding is particularly nice gift.

[onager]

5. I hope it's not a stealth conversion attempt...

Maybe you'll get lucky. One of the most popular wedding Buy-bull selections is from the book of Ruth.

It's actually nice because it deals with tolerance (IIRC, a wedding between an Israelite and a Moabite, who had different religous beliefs).

Also, Ruth never mentions that she loves her husband, Boaz. But she declares undying love for Naomi, her mother-in-law.

As a bonus, Ruth pretty much tells Gawd to FOAD:

Ruth 16: But Ruth said: Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God.

17: Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. Thus may God do to me, and worse, for death alone shall part us.

[trotsky]

6. I was just going to suggest Ruth!

Also you can pick up some suggestive passages from Song of Solomon.

Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest
is my lover among the young men.
I delight to sit in his shade,
and his fruit is sweet to my taste.

[goddess40]

8. my thought too, about the stealth conversion

I'd politely decline the invite or offer to read something else that was still appropriate but not hypocritical.

I wouldn't ask them to denounce their religion at a function I was holding nor would I ask them to pretend to support something that I knew they didn't believe in. There are plenty of other ways to involve you that are more fitting for everyones beliefs.

[Bill McBlueState]

14. that's an interesting possibility

I think my brother's well beyond any chance for conversion, but I could see certain Christians using something like this as an opportunity for evangelism.

But I think the groom is just too clueless to understand that not everyone subscribes to his brand of religion.

[Book Lover]

3. Sounds like wedding myopia

Sometimes, folks who are planning their wedding lose sight of all proportion, etc. There is no shame in your brother declining.

[Taxloss]

7. Why not suggest Shakespeare's Sonnet 116 instead?

It's beautiful and deals with marriage directly without mentioning God or the church. I'm reading it at a wedding next month. (I was in a not-dissimilar situation.) It will inevitably be better than any clunky Bible verse.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

[Bill McBlueState]

16. well, that would be good

If these people are enlightened enough to see how Shakespeare might have a place at a wedding, this would be a good selection. But I'm not sure they are.

[Az]

9. It's a book, it won't bite

I would suggest asking if there were an alternate reading your brother could do. But if it means something important to his friend I believe friendship is more important than religious indignation.

[Bill McBlueState]

15. alternate readings

This won't be a problem at all if he's asked to choose the part to read. My brother's smart enough to find something that gels with modern ideas about equality and tolerance. I'm just afraid they're going to assign him something misogynistic from Paul's letters, or worse.

[Beetwasher]

10. I'm Atheist, Culturally Jewish and Yet Read A Passage From The New Test.

at my buddy's wedding. No big deal.

Actually, it's a funny story, because I had no idea what I was doing I sort of screwed it up. My buddy didn't explain to me that I was supposed to read one line and then the congregation was supposed to do a response. So I read it straight through w/out waiting for the response after each line. Afer the first line, some in the congregations responded and I talked over them, having no idea what was going on.

Anyway, I felt honored to be a part of his wedding and honred to be asked.

[immoderate]

11. It's performance.

The Bible is part of our culture, (though not always the good part,) as is the wedding ceremony. I don't see how it can hurt.

When not hooked to the superstition, the bible does hold some wisdom, and I make reference to it in illustrating certain situations, like the Tower of Babel story as an example of exceeding human scale, or Ecclesiastes ("To everything there is a season") for appropriateness.

This looks like an example of the latter. Read it in celebration, not in piety, and you'll have done a good deed. Enjoy yourself.

--IMM

[FM Arouet666]

12. I wouldn't do it, in fact you beat me to the wedding post.

I was going to post about my experiences this weekend at my bosses daughter's wedding. A Jewish/Catholic ceremony attended to by a rabbi and a priest.

The Jewish segment was pretty innocuous, the rabbi recited prayers in hebrew then asked us to say something in hebrew which means 'let it be so', sounded like amen, I just stood there and listened.

However, the catholic stuff demanded more involvement. We were told to hold hands, bow our heads, and sing the lords prayer. The audience kept raising hands as they sang, upon completion most did the little cross thing, using the hand to mark out an imaginary cross. Again, I just stood there thinking the whole thing looked ridiculous. No one seemed to be bothered that I did not participate in their delusional ceremony.

As for your brother, I would tell him to let his friend know that he would very much like to be at the wedding, but does not wish to participate in the religious aspects. I wonder, If your brother was Muslim or Buddhist, would the xtian ask him to read the bible? Or, is he fair game because he lacks belief? I personally couldn't read bible passages and maintain a respectful demeanor.

One last story, my mother went to a xtian wedding recently and was told by the couples attendants that the "bride and groom would very much appreciate it if you would say you have accepted Jesus into your life." Good thing I missed that one........

:evilgrin:

[GOPFighter]

13. I agree; I couldn't do it

If the requester was a good friend of mine I'm sure he would understand and respect my reasons for not wanting to do it. I would ask if I could read something else just as compelling, but not of a religious nature.

[Bill McBlueState]

17. i don't think the groom has considered the possibility

I wonder, If your brother was Muslim or Buddhist, would the xtian ask him to read the bible? Or, is he fair game because he lacks belief?

In the xtian's world, anyone who is white, heterosexual, and from the same small town he is couldn't possibly not be a Christian. The groom is a pretty sheltered individual.

[Trajan]

18. I would presume ...

that given the KNOWN position of your brother, a non believer, it is a direct insult to ask that he read the bible ... an intentional jab into the gut, designed to make your brother uncomfortable, at the least, and a clownish hypocritical tool, at the worst .....

As an analogy: Say your brother was KNOWN to be a vegetarian, and the groom, being a meat eater who always argues against vegetarianism, asked that your brother carve the reception dinner meats, serving them to all in attendance, and even asking he taste some himself ....

This would be a form of passive aggressive behaviour ....

I wouldnt do it, and wouldnt consider the groom a good friend of your brother's ....

[Lars39]

19. If anybody tries to rib you over it,

just shrug and say, "They're just words". :)