Mental Health Care

[Why Syzygy]

I went to the state agency yesterday to intake for services. I've had this appointment for almost three months. I've used state facilities in the past when I haven't had private insurance. It used to be a worthwhile situation. No more. I don't even know what they do to justify themselves.

However, there are mental health issues running around, literally, in the streets here. While I was waiting, there was a young, middle age man talking to someone who wasn't visible to the rest of us. He was having a psychotic break right outside the agency. He was harassing other patients waiting and at one point called the police to report what he called an assault, though no one had assaulted him. After almost an hour of this, someone called for assistance, I guess. No one was in any hurry. I was in my appointment and when I came out, he was gone.

The social service worker was an unkempt, polite, long hair guy. He asked me a bunch of questions and then told me I could not qualify for services because I have Medicare (federal). I told him I was thinking of dropping it anyway because it seems to be more trouble than it is worth .. though with my hospitalization history, that would be risky. He said dropping Medicare wouldn't qualify me either. I would need to be on Medicaid (state). That is the poorest of poor. SSDI isn't a sustainable income, but SSI is even less. I was speechless. I rather still am. There are so many things wrong with this picture. Medicare is the HMO from nightmare hell!
It moves in with you. Might as well get a big forehead tattoo that reads > Permanently Disabled and Do Not Try to Improve. Step away from the package.

I know this is due to the RWers. Progressives would never allow these things to happen. Would we?
Please check out the Astrology/Spiritual forum. Great things are happening on the planet, but not at the state office.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

1. Here's an interesting report for you

"INCARCERATION OF YOUTH WHO ARE WAITING FOR COMMUNITY MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES IN THE UNITED STATES", Prepared for Rep. Henry Waxman and Sen. Susan Collins. http://www.house.gov/reform/min/pdfs_108_2/pdfs_inves/pdf_health_mental_health_youth_incarceration_july_2004_rep.pdf


The title says it all.

[undergroundpanther]

6. How long until

Halliburton herds me into a work/ big pharma guinea pig/death camp?
I know this is what the ruling class wants to do to people like me.I am in the throwaway non-person class. As soon as they convince the wealthy elitist "liberals" it's OK I will wait until the agents of the state send a social worker to take me to a facility for my own good..And than it will be over..
And with Clinton voting for"the personal responsibility act" I fear the"liberals" are already convinced it's OK to screw people like me,and all the utopian make the perfect great society assholes gotta do is use the media to stoke working class resentment and fear twords the disabled and poor.Even Mencia the left sounding funnyman, rags on adults who work at Mc Donald's as if they are losers.Rush is a tool for this,as is Ann coulter and many others like Judge Judy, Opinionated and well off playing like they understand..The left has it's victim haters handing out social death sentences to people like me too.

It's only a matter of time..

[Wickerman]

2. Remember the party line vote on Medicare/Medicaid

when Dick Cheney broke the deadlock? You, regrettably are the fallout for that. All federal funding is being siphoned away and damage control is underway. Prevention and treatment programs are out the window - crisis care is all that is left and as you say that is only for the most needy of the most needy. Grover Norquist is getting his wish; government and out safety net is being drown in the bathtub.

I am presently neck deep in numbers trying to figure out how to get the area funding powers to cough up the dollars we are losing from the Fed. We have trimmed all the fat; case loads haven't been this high since the 80's and we will still have to cut staff and further increase loads if we can't find funding.

I wish you well in your quest for services, thanks for the post.

[Why Syzygy]

3. Even more dehumanizing

to go to work each day knowing that you can't do your job. ... I was a project manager to find millions of lost inventory. I found it. Then the EVP wanted to give the numbers to Accounting so they could wash the books. I felt ripped. I thought they wanted the inventory and preventitive steps to avoid loss in the future. They just wanted to balance the books.

I remember one Medicare vote. DeLay kept the House open til 3AM so they could blackmail one more Republican to vote. This mass criminality has to cease. Crimes against man. It would take one to know one. In any other culture, eons past, fascism, aka GW, aka neocon, would have been so long ago a blot on the ground. Viet Nam vets have told me about fraggings and how the weakest links had to go in order for the rest to survive. If someone was snorting on the patrol boat, they were a liabilty. It totally grossed me out. Why not just shove the guy off. Still liability. But we. Here. Sit with a total incompetent militaristic movement and what?

If you are willing to bow before their Jesus, then all might be well, as long as you go along and play hand servant. I happen to think that the mentally ill will fare well through it all. There are those among us who have gifts to deal with these situations. We'll find another way.

[undergroundpanther]

5. There are no saviors

I learned that when I was a kid.
I hope after I die I never come back to this world.
I hope when I die I feel and exist no more,my awareness consiousness is snuffed out.
Or I go somewhere else where the game of abuse or be abused is not played.

[ThomCat]

10. I have to agree with you on this.

Thom's rule of history: The bullies win.

Sometimes it's not the biggest bully that wins, but it's still bullies that win. And the rest of us clean up the mess, pay the cost, deal with the pain, and watch as more bullies pile more shit on top of us.

[undergroundpanther]

4. I am on SSI

Medicare is the HMO from nightmare hell!

They say the Health of a culture is demonstrated in how well it cares for the least empowered members of it's society.

If you want to know how it feels to be on SSI read on..

"It moves in with you. Might as well get a big forehead tattoo that reads > Permanently Disabled and Do Not Try to Improve. Step away from the package."

And what you wrote there,Votesomemore.. it is SO true.

With SSI .I can't even pay the fucking bills,my mom lets me live in her house rent free and I can't afford the bills by myself.So I live in a situation with a person that may not be healthy for me. It's a nice house in a nice town,but with a barely existing bus system,so transportation is next to impossible.People who never take a bus never stop to do it so they don't know how hard it is. A bus that comes once an hour,transfers,waiting in freezing cold or baking heat,walking for miles fast to not miss the bus,and the FACT it takes an ENTIRE DAY to go to an appointment.. people with cars just don't GET it.

People here are well off they can afford to drive everywhere. So the county has not thought it a priority to make a decent bus system out here. Because in my town poor people are not supposed to live out here or afford to live out here.Nimby is the classist game people play out here. Everything is geared twords"the kids" So in effect I live in a town that expects me to have an income beyond my means to survive here. It is classist oppression. It's an ironic crippling situation I can't do anything to fix.

There is no place in America that is safe for me,where the rent is affordable to someone making around 500 bucks a month. And nobody cares until the pinch hits their family.And by then I am lower priority than I am now because I'm not "a productive" member of society.Working class people will kick me to the curb if they get pinched clamoring they work and paid into the system so they deserve to be served first.. Nobody understands,they assume I am lazy,they have a picture in their heads about me they prefer to call real,so they snarl get a job,or they smile in a pollyanna ignorance and say "You can do it ! Just go to school and become a vet assistant,pat,pat,pat.., totally unaware of the terror a school setting brings to a person beaten up for years in a classroom while teachers looked the other way..

If people listened to the poor the victims,they might empathize,and with empathy comes shame,shame at their own by standing and selfishness. So it is easier to kick the dog I guess than change and be honest.

I hate my life..You don't know how many times I thought of just dying. Just wanting OUT of all this shit.I hunger for someone to value me as I am,to build me up like I matter to them, help to teach me how to be"normal" to help me overcome the pain. I can't do it all by myself.I try. But damn it hurts when I fail.

I never had the chance to be taught the things teenagers and young adults learn because the mental health system in the 80's 90's was about keeping clients in the system so the program staff had a job. They did not teach clients how to be independent really they just pretended to to get state money.And they did evil things to people like THIS..

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=341x8154

So..now Work seems impossible besides if I work and make more than 250 bucks a month..I'll lose everything and minimum wage ain't much more than what I get now..And for that I will have no therapy no meds,and no time to de stress.. I will lose the crappy insurance that at least gets me weekly therapy and ADD meds and some health care.The Insurance I got now, United is better than some others I have had. They are all control freak HMO's . United at least for now, don't drive you batty with all the papers as much and my primary physician she is a patient activist. I love her to death she's gruff but a heart of gold. I think As I have gotten to know her I realize what a treasure she is.. For me, what most people don't realize who are not in the system and who were not locked up for profit. ,http://www.uow.edu.au/arts/sts/bmartin/dissent/documents/health/understanding.html


So the risk of getting work in my case would be a HUGE risk,that might not make things much better for me,it might just make me worse if the work environment was bad,I do not want to work where I had to deal with irate customers,or demanding domineering micromanaging people,it makes me go off it makes me want to destroy them it terrorizes me.It's a BIG trigger.As are the pushy evangelical religious christian people,they are a trigger. I am emetiphobic so being a nanny or dealing with situations where vomiting may occur is impossible. So forgive my reluctance to be an ambitious go getter after a career..

Working for me would mean I'd automatically lose the things keeping me alive,and being 40 with no work history and a strong anti authoritarian bent and a total intolerance for being bullied,and being too intelligent to accept bullshit and too sensitive to ignore abuse going on around me what employer would hire me? NONE.
I don't play make believe and I don't "play the game of get ahead and compete " well. I have trouble hiding my anger, controlling my despair and bucking up and playing like every things fine,that type of denial almost killed me growing up so now I am incapable of it.
I cannot make myself be happy or convince myself everything will work out and I don't see a future.

So I think I am a lost cause.I'm too creative so I don't think like other people do,communication is so very hard for me because of the way I perceive things. I am very different ,so fascinated(as in freak show and lab specimen fascinated) shrinks have said one reason I have trouble is I "threaten"and challenge most people's worldviews just because of who I am ... Some think genius is a blessing..not always,for me it is nothing but heartache..And I know it.

I never had a chance to be to find myself,discover where my happiness is at,and know how to love life,I am terrified of life because every time I try to trust and grow I get burned and crushed. After every burn it gets harder.

I was locked up in the mental health system before I left high school,misdiagnosed tortured and fucked with until I can't stand my life, During my younger years I was fucked with by sadistic staff locked in a little room alone for 18 months, given anectine as 'behavior modification' because I was"defiant"and I just am so mistrusting.I hate depending on the state,I hate being the trashcan of this culture,I hate being treated like"damaged goods" I hate being nobody. And I refuse to do like the Girls on porn do sell their sex for self esteem,because I was abused sexually . I have been told I look "attractive" many times I have been approached by men and women recruiters with offers for modeling careers ,exotic dancing,and such,they tempt me by saying,they will pay under the table..I could get a thousand bucks a performance...and I run away from them.

I don't want to be used and be around those abusive people hooted at like a steak on a stick.. I'll starve first.I am not even female,so being a sex object terrifies me..

But on SSI fat chance I'll ever afford gender reassignment. I wish I could do something worthwhile organize my mind enough to write a book,maybe that would be something worth wile to tell the world I am not an invisible loser,or sell my art..

But dammit I am paralyzed inside by emotions and by triggers and scars and the awkward questions like where did you get those scars on your arms. Any jackass can tell they are self harm cuts,but they gotta ask and draw attention and point out I am a loony toon to the world so the world will discount me patronize me and blame everything wrong with this society and their attitudes on me as if it's just my"illness"making me upset. I am so sick of this routine of discounting.

I live haunted by the scars from traumas only I had to face, and the critical voices these scars have burned into my thoughts. If you are mental in this culture nobody takes you seriously. It does not matter if you are genius in the 90 plus percentiles or not. Once you get the label nut ,loon,weirdo,loser..It is a Social death sentence. Often I wish real death would just take me soon before my body gets older and sicker 'cause after forty, it's all goes downhill from here..

And I know the government isn't about to get generous it hates victims,poor people and most of the society hates people like me,I'm fat now because I don't feel safe being thin,I feel uncomfortable being'pretty',for reasons having to do with exploitation, It's all run by rich bullies ruling class eugenicists who never had to suffer or struggle. They want a utopia,and to design the future. Their ambitions always look good on paper but are a horror show in real life for everyone but these rich thugs..The rulers who control and financially extort and abuse this nation assume it's easy for us to 'make it' as it was for them,they forget, they were BORN fortunate, they NEVER had to cultivate empathy for the poor or victimized because privilege is all they know,like for me,being the shit can of this culture is all I know..,and no one is gonna make them change and be humble,while our culture demands we all ape and admire these rich sociopath ruling elites.. I know they don't have to care about me at all.. there is nothing left in this world for me.I'll never win the lotto.No one will give me money to escape the pain that can be fixed with money. They all want a return on the investment. And my happiness is not what they want in return. They want PROFIT for themselves. ALWAYS. There is no kindness given to losers like me without strings or control games in human beings,ever.

I just have no hope anymore because to hope leads to hurt and I just wish I would not hurt,and I don't know how to make it stop. Some turn to drugs,I can't stand being high. So I live with it..There is nothing to exist for.. Except my cats.And I would give them the most wonderful things If I could, I give them my love and tenderness,for humans they just exploit it and hurt me through it,cats don't.. Holy Sekhmet I love my 3 fur-bawls.
Their pics for the curious.You may recognize sparkle he's my photo-shopped butter cat sig.


This is what life is like for me on SSI.
I wish this life on nobody,except the top 1 percent ruling class, the elitists,the privileged poor haters,corporate elitists,bullies,the social engineers and social darwinist types and eugenicists,sociopaths,rapists,pedophiles,narcissists,
and authoritarians.

[Why Syzygy]

9. Oh no.

Your story is very painful. I feel the pain. Abuse is never excusable.
I meant what I said in OP, come on over to this forum and get some feel better >

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=245

It really helps me sometimes to read about other's heart paths. Hope to see you there.

[undergroundpanther]

7. kick

[Sinti]

8. Kick n/t

[hashibabba]

11. Its tough to have to go through this...

If I'd been diagnosed years ago, I wouldn't have gotten as bad as I became. But the county I was living in had lousy care. Fast forward to today, I'm on SSDI (finally diagnosed nearly 20 years later), so at least I'm doing better than some people. But still, my check doesn't cover my rent. Its a good thing I have housing assistance. But Bush is trying to get it cut by 50% this year. I won't have any place to live. There is no place cheap enough around here.

I feel guilty about being on SSDI. People in this country shouldn't feel so bad that they can't ask for help when they have such needs. I have friends in similar situations, but they won't get help that is available to them. So they suffer in silence. One barely has any food to eat. Its a good day for her if they can have some sort of meat.

We had such a good country. I just hope we can start getting our wonderful country back after all the damage Bush has done.

[Odin2005]

12. I can only live on SSI because I get renter's assistance.

I have Asperger's Syndrome and have trouble holding a McJob while attending university.