Question regarding a personal situation and karma...

[bliss_eternal]

Hi All,
I'm not sure how to look at this situation and thought you all might help me.

Long story short--my husband shares inherited land with sibs. Two of his sibs are thoughtless, condescending, greedy bullies and think it is their right to make decisions for my dh about what he should do with his share. The other sib just follows with the other two tell him to do, with no thought at all. Two years ago, they all teamed up and made a power play to get dh to sign over his share to them so they could purchase a vacation home for themselves--when we don't have a house (they do). :crazy:

They claimed it would be for ALL of us--but this was bull. They've never asked us to go on vacation with them--and didn't treat us like they wanted us around when we were there. I really dislike people stating they are doing something for 'our own good' when we weren't consulted during the decision making process to begin with. :mad: :grr:

When my husband stood up for himself and stated he wanted his assets (cash) directly and not be involved with their other deal--they got mad. Out of spite, they dumped the deal entirely. They are definitely 'my way or the highway' kind of people. :banghead:

With much thought and introspection, we decided to contact a lawyer, after two years of severing ties to them. Dh wants to sever the last ties which would be the land they share.

He is considering either a) removing his name from the deed entirely so he has no ties to them at all or b)partitioning for his share. This could result in the court forcing the land to be sold and all shares paid out fairly and equally or just cashing out his share--which would allow someone else to force them to sell their shares.

From a karmic perspective--which way would create the least negativity? Dh does not want to be vindictive at all--he merely wants to be free of them and the possibility of them doing what they did before. He wants to be fair, something that doesn't rank as a priority for them.

Unfortunately, knowing them--they will resent him/us whatever he decides to do, because they aren't calling the shots. I've told dh he is only responsible for taking care of himself and as long as he doesn't act out of malice he has no reason for guilt or pause...

Anyway...thoughts on karma here?

Thanks! :hi:

[Zen Democrat]

1. It's all about the heart and soul.

If the property is rightfully his, and if he acts dispassionately, I don't see a karmic burden.

[bliss_eternal]

2. Cool beans--

thanks so much!

There's been so much done to this poor man's estate. I never knew my fil and have heard I didn't want to--apparently the apples haven't fallen far from the tree. But anyway, after he passed on, his wife (mil) challenged his estate--she felt she didn't get enough. The woman made over triple what he did in a year! Anyway.. she proceeded to take items he wanted some to have, and trade them between people.

For example, he wanted dh to have his car. His mother disagreed, and gave it instead to his sib, gave the sib's car to dh. Karma and the Universe seemed immediate with this--within months he had a terible accident in the car SHE insisted he have. The car she GAVE dh instead was taken from him violently in a car jacking incident.

Never in my life have I seen such instantaneous proof that this whole thing and all the challenging was just so wrong--it just seems taboo to me to mess with a man's dying wishes. The Universe was not at all balanced with her 'meddling' with the estate. I didn't know the man, and don't like a lot about what I do know of him, but I feel terrible that they treated his memory and his legacy that way. Just sad.

Thank you again!

[Quakerfriend]

3. Ditto that ;-)!

Unfortunately, you will have to be paying legal fees to do so.

[bliss_eternal]

6. True--

not really looking forward to that--but some things are worth it. Having nothing more to do with unscrupulous, evil people that would stab their own sibling in the back if they could profit from it...priceless.

:hi:

[FreedomAngel82]

5. I agree

As cliche as it sounds trust your instinct. He'll know what to do.

[bliss_eternal]

7. Thanks, FreedomAngel!

My instinct has always been to do whatever I could to protect my husband from these people...

[MissWaverly]

9. Good for you

I have one sister who is great, we're good friends, my brother and my other sister, I do
not get along with. My brother always buys me a gift at Christmas which are a put down,
this year a salad bowl, every year it is something to do with cooking and I don't cook,
so this year I gave his present to someone who is recovering from Hurricane Katrina, an
insult turned into a blessing.

[mrgorth]

19. Agreed

There seems to be nothing to worry about here.

[I Have A Dream]

4. Hi, bliss_eternal. I don't know if this will help, but it's worth...

at least looking at:

http://www.pathwork.org/lectures/P032.PDF

(The decision-making part begins at the bottom of page 2 and goes until the question on page 4.)

It doesn't specifically talk about karma, but it discusses how to make decisions.

I hope that you're able to come to a good decision with which you can live very soon.

[bliss_eternal]

8. Great link!

Thanks so much! Having other ways to look at decision making is always worthwhile--I appreciate your thoughtfulness in providing such a link! :hug:

[cassiepriam]

10. Karma

My understanding about karma is that it has to do with intent more than actual behavior. It is not the specific behavior, but your husband's intent. For example if he were trying to be revengeful or greedy then there is bad karma. If he is merely trying to extricate himself from a bad situation, and does it in a fair and reasonable way, then there is no bad karma. And actually he may accrue good karma if he refuses to be a victim and martyr. If we keep acting in the role of victim in this life we will have to deal with that again in the next life.

Karmically your two options are interesting. I think that you are saying one option for your husband is to just walk away from the land, giving up his share of the property. The other is that he legally forces them to give him the cash for his share, so that he is done with the dysfunctionality.

Neither option is right or wrong, again it has to do with intent. If he gives up his share but feels victimized and angry about it then it is bad karma. He will have to work on that in his next life, and may indeed reincarnate with his sibs again and again until he gets it right.



If he seeks legal advice and does things in a legal and fair way, getting what is his due, not with the intent of hurting any anyone but trying to extricate himself from this situation, then it is healthy and he may release himself from future karmic lessons around this issue.

[cassiepriam]

11. Sibling Karma and third house

The birthchart maps out a soul's expectations and karma. The houses in the natal chart show where the karma manifests itself. The house placement of a planet indicates the area of life in which a person will expect to meet the karma attached to that planet.

The third house gives an indication of karma with siblings and illustrates the type of former interaction relating to that karma.

Bliss, if you can tell me what planets are in your husband's third house in his natal chart, perhaps we can shed some light on his issues with siblings. Also tell me if nodes or chiron are there in the third house. Also the sign on the cusp of his third house. If the third house is empty tell me where the planet that has rulership of that house is located.

[bliss_eternal]

15. Hi cassiepriam!

I'm so sorry, I'm only now seeing this. I really appreciate your great advice and concerns!

Unfortunately, I am clueless on the astrology front, and haven't got a clue what any of my husband's houses are or anything about his chart. :( I do appreciate your willingness to look it up for me, though. You're a sweetheart to offer! :hug:

[cassiepriam]

18. You are welcome. Good luck to you and DH.

[rumpel]

12. On Karma

I find this practice extremely difficult, but since I get these quote e-mails that I save, I thought I share.
However, the Dalai Lama also stresses on intent. If the intent is not to harm but to, as I tell myself, to help your opponent learn from the experience for their chance to rid their negative karma (greed etc) I think it would be perfectly fine to file suit either for the forced sale or partition.
The intent in this case is to focus on "for the good of all of us", including his siblings.
Just a thought.

http://www.snowlionpub.com>

Dharma Quote of the Week 13. Transforming suffering into the path Even if someone tries to cut off your head
When you haven't done the slightest thing wrong,
Out of compassion take all his misdeeds
Upon yourself --
This is the practice of Bodhisattvas.
       - from "The Thirty-seven Practices of Bodhisattvas" by Gyelsay Togme Sangpo Although we have done nothing to deserve it, someone may attack us, beat us, or perpetrate other forms of violence on us. Certainly it is tempting to get angry in such a situation, but our anger will do no good. In fact, this person is creating the cause for his own unfortunate rebirth by attacking us, and the karma he creates is even heavier if we hold any of the three sets of vows: pratimoksha, Bodhisattva, or tantric. Thus, we cultivate compassion, and wish to take the person's karma and resultant suffering on ourselves. For example, if a crazy person attacks a person who is sane, the latter will not only not fight back but try to help, by giving him medicine and wanting him to get well. The sane person sees that the crazy person does not know what he is doing. He is out of control. Similarly, when someone harms us, we should recognize that he too is out of control and is being led by his three poisonous attitudes. Similarly, we can remember that we are experiencing the ripening result of harmful actions we did in past lives, so why blame the other person? In addition, that person is causing our negative karma to be exhausted now, rather than later when the result could be much more difficult to bear. In this way, we will not be angry or retaliate, but will pray for and try to help the other. In "The Eight Verses of Thought Transformation," it says, "Whenever I meet a person of bad nature who is overwhelmed by negative energy and intense suffering, I will hold such a rare one dear, as if I had found a precious treasure." People like this suffer greatly because they think only of themselves, not of others, and thus they are worthy of compassion, the wish that they be free from suffering and its causes. Being patient when harmed by others does not mean that we take no action to prevent harm from occurring. Rather, patience frees our mind from the fog of anger and gives us the clarity and kindness to respond to a situation in a helpful way. Free of anger, we look for ways to resolve conflict other than seeking revenge. -- from Transforming Adversity into Joy and Courage: An Explanation of "The Thirty-seven Practices of Bodhisattvas" by Geshe Jampa Tegchok, edited by Thubten Chodron, published by Snow Lion Publications *     *     *     *     *     *

[I Have A Dream]

13. This is a great post, rumpel. I'm really going to strive to...

approach life this way.

Thank you for posting it.

[bliss_eternal]

14. Wow--thank you rumpel!

I really appreciate this--all of the posts on this thread have been so thoughtful and wonderful. I'm going to show my husband these, too.

Thank you!

[bliss_eternal]

16. rumpel--these parts really resonate w/me!

Quote:
The sane person sees that the crazy person does not know what he is doing. He is out of control. Similarly, when someone harms us, we should recognize that he too is out of control and is being led by his three poisonous attitudes. Similarly, we can remember that we are experiencing the ripening result of harmful actions we did in past lives, so why blame the other person? ...In this way, we will not be angry or retaliate, but will pray for and try to help the other.

In "The Eight Verses of Thought Transformation," it says, "Whenever I meet a person of bad nature who is overwhelmed by negative energy and intense suffering, I will hold such a rare one dear, as if I had found a precious treasure." People like this suffer greatly because they think only of themselves, not of others, and thus they are worthy of compassion, the wish that they be free from suffering and its causes.


While it's difficult at times to see things from this incredibly evolved and enlightened way of thinking--dh and I HAVE had discussions that bring up some of these points. Again, this is when I've been able to summon my kindest of thoughts and that is SO HARD when thinking about these people.

Deep down though, I KNOW they are so hateful, greedy, selfish and mean because they are in terrific amounts of pain. They are hateful and cruel toward their brother, but I think they really envy him. He has a light and is very kind and loving--they've never been this way. They give to get. Period.

My husband is leaning more toward doing whatever will be the fairest, while still protecting himself and taking care of himself and his interest.

[rumpel]

17. Welcome. Now I am really going to bed. Night All.

:)