Over so many years, I have studied, and worked on myself - and worked on what I want to do, then I see the beneficial star energies, and I do not seem to be able to connect or ride the energies.
Is it self sabotage? Some thought forms? core beliefs? Or is there someone out there sending me negative energies? etc.
My friend healer did some testing & clearing, and found in fact core beliefs of: I am invisible, I am not worthy, I am useless and all of that sort of thing and traced it back to age 7. And that is exactly where I go with my thoughts, and in extreme times - that I should not "be", when my efforts just do not seem to bear fruit - even though I know better.
More or less, I think many of us grew up "invisible", in an authoritarian home. It just was the way of parenting in many cultures and households.
Then I listened to Liz Tobin's archived show, and it so happens it was about clearing family patterns, some of the things she said made me think, and she also said it is all on her website and there is no need to take notes. It is an ad for her upcoming series, but what she says made enormous sense.
For example she says:
People whose death, disgrace or misfortune was advantageous to any member of your family may also be impacting you today. For instance in Nazi Germany some people benefited from the confiscated property of the Jews. If the people who received the confiscated property did not honor and appreciate the sacrifice that was made on their behalf, then this creates a great weight and dissonance in their family system. And this dissonance is carried through to the present day.
Victims and perpetrators of your ancestors are also included in your family system. For example if your ancestor was at the Battle of Normandy and he killed an "enemy" soldier, then that deceased soldier is included in your family system. If your great-great grandmother's niece was raped, then her perpetrator is included in your family system.Rupert Sheldrake's morphic field theory is in fact speaking of this, too.
and then:
Each family has its own set of rules called the family conscience and we unconsciously adhere to these rules.
We are also unconsciously driven by the conscience of the groups to which we belong.
If we break these rules our family conscience tells us that our right to belong is in jeopardy. Many of these rules may not serve us and indeed, they keep us in limitation. So, in order for us to grow, we need to break some of these rules. This inner conflict generates very unpleasant feelings. When you try to move beyond the "acceptable" behavior of these holographically nested consciences, you may feel guilty, ashamed and threatened.Finally - for me, I think I can identify with this:
You can unconsciously take on your great-grandfather's depression or your mother's anger, your uncle's anxiety, or your third cousin's hopelessness. When you give back an inherited emotion your whole family benefits: You honor your ancestors and give them back their dignity, while at the same time you liberate yourself. So I am working on working through this, of at least identifying what I know...for the time being. I hope there is something you find useful on her page, too.
http://liztobin.com/groups/CFP09.html