What about those who don't want to marry?

[SocialistLez]

I know I am not the only one who sees the mainstream LGBT movement as focused predominantly on "marriage equality" or same-sex marriage.

My question to all the advocates of same-sex marriage: What about those who don't want to marry?

I bring this up constantly and can't ever get a concrete answer.

www.beyondmarriage.org Check it out.

[Booster]

1. I've brought it up also and got no answers. I don't understand

why married people should get over 1700 benefits that single people don't get. Blows my mind. I can't find one benefit that a single person gets that married people don't also get except the fact that they are single. Makes no sense.

[mitchtv]

2. then don't get married

There's still Dadt and Enda to worry about. Plus all the horrific laws througout the land, Violence against gays, and lots of issues you can concern yourself with, including getting people elected.

[SocialistLez]

3. What about the rights that come along with marriage?

Why do governments and employers discriminate against people based on marital status?

It's so easy to say, "Well don't get married" but that shouldn't be the response.

Instead of trying to join the exclusionary club of marriage, I'd much rather see the LGBT community and our allies fight to end discrimination based on martial status instead of trying to add more people to the category of "married."

[mitchtv]

10. believe me , I understand

having been treated for most of my 33 years of partnership as single. Paying taxes while families get taxbreaks for each and every extra child they have, For schools I don't place a burden on, and a whole lot of other shit. My only answer is the society sees some kind of benefit in families(nuclear)which I don't understand ,but I'm not the brightest bulb in the chandelier

[meegbear]

25. +1

[SheilaT]

4. If a couple does not want to marry,

then they shouldn't get married. There are some important benefits that come with marriage, which is why it absolutely ought to be an option for everyone. Just limit yourself to one spouse at a time, make sure you keep it within the species.

[SocialistLez]

6. Why does one have to be married to access those benefits?

What is the justification behind that?

People divorce after a few months so you can't say if you get married you're more committed to one another.

[SheilaT]

13. There are also companies

and governments that offer domestic partner benefits. I'd forgotten about that until you asked the justification. Thanks for reminding me.

[NYC_SKP]

15. What's more, why should being committed to another person bring benefits?

Let's say legislation is passed for same sex marriage equality, and throw in benefits for common law relationships.

Why should single people or people who don't care to have long term relationships suffer discrimination?

Good question in your OP.

K and R.

:donut:

[SocialistLez]

18. Thanks for understanding where I am coming from

It seems like so few do. :)

[plantwomyn]

26. The most important benefits of marriage in our society

are not monetary. Hospital visitation, medical decisions and property rights are just some o f the "benefits" that opposite sex married people take for granted. As a lesbian legally married to a woman, who's brother, out of pure spite, would deny me access to her if she were hospitalized, I have spent a couple thousand dollars in legal fees to ensure that the world acknowledges our relationship. Unlike opposite sex married couples, we have to have multiple documentation to ensure that I don't have to fight her bigoted brother should something happen to her. Even though we are legally married, her brother can still claim to be her next of kin. This would never happen to opposite sex married couples. Maybe after you have lived with a committed partner for years, you will understand how much marriage means. Until you have been in a relationship where you WANT to marry your partner, you will never understand why marriage is so important, not JUST for the monetary benefits, but for the benefits for married couples from the society at large.

The justification is the same as any other familial relationship. Parents, siblings, children and spouses have rights that a stranger or a "friend" do not have. I am not my her "friend" I am her wife. I deserve any and all of the benefits that come with our marriage, as I have taken on any and all of the obligation.

[JackBeck]

5. Have you ever been involved with The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force?

I'd love to talk to you more if you haven't. I wish I could go into greater detail but I've been told by other LGB posters and their allies here at DU that I'm not allowed to promote their grassroots activism, nor am I allowed to discuss my involvement with them.

Regardless, the more you get involved with local and national organizations you'll realize that LGBTers and our allies are intimately involved in other equality issues outside of marriage equality. We never asked for the focus to be on marriage equality. Don't forget Rove's role in motivating the right-wing base in 2004 (when you were 12/13?, if your profile is current)

And you don't need money to be involved in The Task Force, it's not a rich white, gay cisgender male experience. Although on this website, any time I post a link to apply for full scholarships (transportation, housing and per diem) it sinks with no replies and gets a healthy amount of unrecs.

What I have noticed is that there exists a huge divide between those actively involved off-line and those that like to bitch and moan about the lack of progress on the internet. This has lead to a disconnect between what is actually being delivered locally and nationally and the misinformed opinions of those raging on-line.

[SocialistLez]

8. I haven't but a mentor of mine recommended I get involved w/ them.

I will definitely look into it once I get a break with school.
Thank you for bringing them up.

[MuseRider]

12. NGLTF

saved my butt when the New York Times came to interview me and one other person from our campaign against the Phelps ordinance. I had never been involved in anything like this, worked my ass off with everyone else and we won after a 2 week campaign that was a whirlwind of busy and paper, spit and legwork and tons of phone calls.

They spoke to us for over an hour and never printed a single word of it, chose instead to print about the business people who were afraid to say how they voted because they were afraid of getting picketed, it was all about the fear Phelps invoked on our city. Sucked.

Still, NGLTF was very kind to this scared novice.

Here in Kansas we have passed an anti bullying bill, added cyber bullying the next year and are working on ENDA and getting it closer to the floor with each year. That step each year is tiny but it is a step and we work hard for each one of them. It seems like nothing to others I am certain, especially those who are affected by it.

Just wanted to give a shout out. :-)

[SocialistLez]

19. YAY Kansas

I'd love to have ENDA CONSIDERED here in AR but I feel we are years away from even having a rational discussion about it.

[MuseRider]

22. One tiny step at a time.

It is frustrating as hell having to do this when it should be apparent to every single legislator, not to mention citizen, that it is the only right thing to do. Our biggest thing was creating a state wide organization that was a bottom up organization so that each chapter had the latitude to do what was needed in their area and each chapter has equal representation on the state committee where it is decided what the state is going to do. We have a lobbyist now and that has helped tremendously, in fact we would probably have gotten nowhere close to where we are without him. We created our bylaws based on every single GLBT organization in the state that had survived for around 2 years then folded. Some lasted longer but eventually were doing little. We looked at what had happened and made bylaws that would prevent those past common problems. It has worked for us So, we have not gotten ENDA to the floor yet, but we are many votes closer to getting it out of committee and this year we start over with a clean slate so we will see. Our political climate here is looking to change from right to very hard right so I don't know what will happen. We will keep on whatever.

Work on the bullying, you will make many allies with the educators and their lobbyist. They are an essential block of people to have on your side. There are others but that group has really been helpful and helped us get the bullying legislation done. Moving from there is hard but you have created allies.

*I am only an ally who does what is asked, I am not doing the hardest work. In fact I have done little for the last 2 years. Getting ready to start back but please know, I am nowhere near the front line of this anymore and should not be. It is all being accomplished by the GLBT citizens in our state.

[Historic NY]

7. singles get no breaks..we pay & pay.

[JustFiveMoreMinutes]

9. At least its equal for UNMARRIED.. gay or straight..

Then its Power of Attorney, Medical Power Attorney.. and all the other forms and legalities that go with it.

Benefits of being single and hooked up?

BIGGEST: THEIR CREDIT SCORE doesn't impact you and vise versa
SECOND: Buying real estate. You can own TWO HOMES without having to claim one as primary residence.

So gay or straight if you don't want 'that piece of paper' they fussed about so much in the '60s....
by all means DONT get it.

[lightningandsnow]

11. I love Beyond Marriage.

They're a project of Queers for Economic Justice, who are amazing in general. http://q4ej.org/

People usually attack me for saying this, but there are issues other than marriage and DADT.

We will only truly have won when we dismantle all systems of oppression, everywhere. Our work is never done.

Also, I see you're about my age! I'm 18. Good to see youth around these parts! :hi:

[SocialistLez]

20. Go youth. LOL.

I agree, there are other issues other than marriage and DADT.

I'd love more focus on ENDA and other issues of economic justice.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

14. then dont. its really intellectually dishonest when people like you pretend

that the gay rights movement has been only reduced to marriage equality. if you dont want to get involved in marriage equality, get involved in antibullying, get involved in community building, hiv/aids work, enda, genda etc.

stop pretending that queer activists only concentrate on marriage, most of us work in many many different aspects of justice and equality

i have found the "progressive queer antimarriage people" i have met to be the ones least involved in anything besides being academic critics.

[SocialistLez]

21. TO ME

it has been reduced to marriage equality.

I realize there are other issues out there and I am involved with those issues.

Here in AR, the fight isn't about marriage equality.
It's more about safe schools at the moment.
There's also HIV/AIDs work too.

[ZombieHorde]

16. I think married people get tax breaks because married people traditionally have kids.

This tradition is changing more and more each year, and one could argue the tax breaks should only be attached to kids.

[Taverner]

17. Wouldn't common-law marriage rules apply?

[closeupready]

23. What about them? Obviously,

we all here oppose discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.

But why, in a world where gay and lesbian partners can legally marry, should all GLBT people oppose discrimination on the basis of marital status?

I honestly do not understand that argument. Maybe that can be your thing, and more power to you, but I personally feel that what you complain about is an issue distinct from the question of marriage.

Further, it's not even an issue that we want marriage equality so that we can get married and enjoy the benefits. For many, it's about the fact that the state is sanctioning discrimination against GLBT people. When the state is forced to stop giving its imprimatur to homophobic bigotry (taking the form of marriage only for heterosexuals), the theory is that homophobia in other areas of society and life will also fall into the dustbin of history.

[Green_Lantern]

24. I like this but it should include

Adult children with disabilities who live with and are cared for by parents and/or family.

There is a stigma with that as well.