Atheist/ Agnostic Question: A Funeral Prayer, what do you do??

[Proud_Democratt]

Poll question: Atheist/ Agnostic Question: A Funeral Prayer, what do you do??

Remember, your family and/or friends are present. This is a situation question..ANYONE, feel free to vote/answer.
Discuss, if you'd like.

[Mutley]

1. I'm as respectful as possible to everyone around me.

[Warpy]

30. Good answer

Good manners at such a time would suggest you silently go along with it even though there is no way your voice will be added. People are grieving and now is just not the time to pitch a fit over organized prayer.

However, this becomes a little sticker when the corpse was a lifelong athist/agnostic/humanist. Then the whole business becomes a little insulting to the memory of the dead.

They mean well, they really do. However, one wishes the religious would consider context as much as we have to, and honor the memory of the deceased appropriately.

[Captain Hilts]

2. When in Rome...nt

[Proud_Democratt]

43. If everyone did what the Romans did, many more Christians

would be dead. People in general, take this catchy phrase for granted.

[Proud_Democratt]

3. I leave momentarily.

[Poll_Blind]

4. As an athiest I support god-worship 100% among my fellow citizens.

Whether it's Passover, a Catholic benediction, a Christian ceremony- whatever. I participate because the sentiments in the prayers ring true in my heart. Love, compassion need no God to exist.

PB

[saltpoint]

5. I usually choose between one of two strategies:

Either I savagely pounce upon the official who is uttering the prayer, usually throwing him or her into the gravesite itself, or I stand quietly and honor the grief of those assembled.

[Rufus T. Firefly]

8. You could always try heckling.

:-)

[varkam]

29. "You call THAT a prayer?!" n/t

[Rufus T. Firefly]

37. "I got your savior RIGHT HERE!"

:D

[Rufus T. Firefly]

6. You can always bow your head to think about the deceased.

Leaving the room would be incredibly disrespectful to the memory of the person in the casket, and to all of those present - you'd literally be turning your back on the person you're there to remember.

[Eileen]

35. What person?

Leaving the room would be incredibly disrespectful to the memory of the person in the casket,

There is no person in the casket - that's a corpes; a deceased entity; a non-person hunk of decaying protoplasm; He's dead Jim! It's too late to show respect of any nature for this hulk. Therefore leaving the room cannot in any way show this cadaver disrespect.

I'm not there to remember any person but to provide solidarity and comfort to the survivors and acting out of character by pretending some religious mumbo jumbo has meaning would most definitely be out of character. My relatives and friends would expect me to leave or to make myself absent before their futile invocations begin.


Eileen

[Rufus T. Firefly]

36. That's why I said "MEMORY."

I thought that was clear, especially seeing as how it was copied and pasted. I agree that it's no longer a "person," but society still sees the body that way. Society is so ignorant. Good thing we're so enlightened.

So if someone makes fun of, say, MLK's legacy, it doesn't matter because he's just a memory. You CAN disrespect the memory of someone who has died.

And you just go to comfort the survivors, and in comforting them you make sure they know that you hold their entire belief system in contempt. So it's really not about the deceased if you can make a statement about their "futile invocations." I'm sure that makes the sorrow of the occasion SO much softer on those present.

How about skipping the memorial service (since "memorial" is kind of the central theme) and just show up at the graveside? Otherwise you're upstaging the corpse by getting up and leaving so that everyone gets to see that you're superior to their superstitious selves.

Apparently smug satisfaction in your superiority is something that Born-Again Christians and some Atheists have in common.

[Eileen]

39. Again ---

There is no "person in the casket" - you are probably referring to the former person's memory.

Furthermore - who said I would be "getting up and leaving so that everyone gets to see"?

I actually said "My relatives and friends would expect me to leave or to make myself absent before their futile invocations begin." They know me well enough to know that I will not be joining them in their silliness but will have gone before they begin their incantations.

I don't consider myself an "athiest" BTW - since some have claimed for political reasons that that is a belief system. I refer to myself as a non-theist which is equiveland to a non-fairyist or a non-unicornist. People can believe whatecver silly nonsense they want to but I don't have to make their wishful non-entities a part of my life or pretend their irrationality has credence.


Eileen

[Trajan]

7. I stand, quietly, with eyes open or closed ....

thinking about how special that loved one was to me, and of all the memories I may have of that person, or about how they may now find rest from whatever pains they had suffered ....

I do not pray, but if praying gives other's solace, then that is good for them ...

Bowing ? .... Hmmmmm .... not necessary, but I might if it were more comfortable ....

[Rufus T. Firefly]

10. Kind of like during the Pledge of Allegiance

I take off my hat because I respect the symbol of my nation, but I don't say the pledge as I am not about to swear a loyalty oath to a symbol.

[blm]

9. I have done both = sat quietly out of respect for others' beliefs, and

chosen to quietly leave before the heavy praying at more fundamentalist services.

[Epiphany4z]

11. bow my head

and reflect on the life of the person who has passed.

[Proud_Democratt]

13. Human reflection does not require religious belief does it?

[Epiphany4z]

19. I don't think so

I rather enjoy running threw the person life in my mind. Usually if I am at the funeral they are someone I cared about and it feel good to remember the good things about them and the part they played in my life.

I see no reason not to bow my head as others pray. It stills seems fitting to me to bow my head and reflect. Kind of a meditative thing I suppose and I see no reason make a point of being an atheist at wedding or funerals or any other function like that...When I go i generally know the function will religious If I couldn't deal with it i wouldn't go.

[Book Lover]

12. Sit quietly and wait for the paryer to end (nm)

[riderinthestorm]

24. I do this too. nt

[Arazi]

34. Me three

[sutz12]

14. Bow my head, eyes lowered, maybe closed, maybe not...

stand quietly, try not to fart.

[Proud_Democratt]

15. Trying not to fart would be meditation....

that does not qualify....:rofl:

[Canuckistanian]

16. Sage advice

I think I'll try that next time.

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

17. This poll needs only two options

A. Act like a jerk
B. Don't act like a jerk

If I was so offended by others' beliefs that I couldn't be respectful during the service, I would skip it and just go to the Big Feed afterwards.

But that would be really jerky of me. I have not only attended but also arranged and paid for religious services that honored the wishes of others. And I have made sure the Big Feeds were good ones. Anyone who can't do this ain't a grownup.

[Proud_Democratt]

22. You have the option of starting your own poll.

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

32. Well gee, Sparky, thanks for that

You are a real sport for pointing it out. :toast:

However I have already exercised my option of choice.

[Proud_Democratt]

38. I said this because of your unneeded criticism.

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

40. You say criticism, I say observation

[Proud_Democratt]

44. Observation noted.

[Rabrrrrrr]

47. Criticism? I saw no criticism there.

There really are only two options that apply to all social, public, communal situations whether a funeral or a movie: show respect or show disrespect.

How can pointing out the truth be called criticism?

[applegrove]

18. I'm agnostic. I pray. Cause I recognize that I don't know. And if it

matters to the person who died or their loved ones.. no better reason than that for doing anything.

[Evoman]

20. At my cousins funeral

I just sat there, normally, with my eyes open. Didn't think it would offend anyone, seeing as how all the religious people had there eyes closed and only other non-religious people would see you. I don't bow my head..I never do that, while other people pray. If they have a problem with it, they can bite me. However, I don't EVER stop other from praying...and when theists come to my house for supper, I ask them if they want to say grace, its okay even though I don't partake in it.

[longship]

21. I do not participate in any way.

When people pray, I quietly ignore the whole thing. If that means staring out into space, so be it.

[NNadir]

23. I pretend to pray.

For the peace of my family and step family, I am a closeted atheist.

It doesn't hurt to pretend for their benefit. At such a time when grief is involved, it would seem very insensitive and self-important to force my beliefs. It hurts no one when I pretend, and it is an act of love to think of others before one thinks of himself or herself.

I don't care if people pray at my funeral either. I will not exist and it will have no effect on me whatsoever.

[thinkingwoman]

25. I'm a pagan

As a pagan (and a Jewish-pagan to boot) who lives in the heavily xtian midwest, I often find myself in the presence of group praying to Jesus, who I do not believe in.

I always sit quietly and stare straight ahead--respecting their right to pray but also silently asserting my right to not take part. People who are praying have their heads bowed and eyes closed, so they can't see what I'm doing anyway. Anyone with their eyes open and looking around to see what everyone else is doing has no room to talk. ;-)

My children who seem to be atheist/agnostic follow my lead at public prayers.

[drkedjr]

26. Atheist at the table

As an atheist who has given in and attended several funerals lately, I can recommend the "deer-in-the head-lights expression" for the entire event. It works on people who have no idea where you're coming from. The last one was for my father, who's funeral I wouldn't have attended except for feeling guilt about my mother's situation and my need to protect inheritance.

[thinkingwoman]

28. LOL...I'll keep that in mind

for the inevitable next time.

[ToolTex]

27. I try to head off embarrassing situations ahead of time.

I always try to phone beforehand and ask the officials or family if there are going to be magical or delusional rituals conducted. If there is potential threat of such rituals or incantations I make every effort to take an interested group to visit with the officiates and the bereaved and counsel them in the power of logic and realism.

We discuss with them the potential damage of lies and false witnessing; the strength and power of clear thought and logical reasoning. We usually end our visits of love and concern with a few group songs and chants of such classics as the multiplication tables, (through our twelves), counting to 100, reciting the English alphabet or singing our "ABCs," etc. If they seem really badly brainwashed we may even try to get them to recite a few of Newton's Laws with us. It is amazing how often we see the light of understanding shine from their eyes, as the words "... equal and opposite reaction," flow from within their body cavities.

Simply by expending this small bit of effort beforehand, I am usually able to head-off such embarrassing dilemmas as mentioned earlier, like wrestling a delusional official into the open grave, or laughing hysterically during prayers, or even asking reasonable questions like, "Hey dude, have you been smoking crack, or what?" during the solemn services.

Such personal concern is almost always appreciated by the bereaved family and more often than not by the officials, few of whom actually believe any of that supernatural, (meaning not real), stuff, which keeps them from having to continuously lie and give false testimony just to keep the collections rolling in and their congregations from openly fornicating among themselves. After all, those official are usually nice guys just trapped in their corpulent bodies when what is often hiding behind those chins would really rather be honest and just stop with the deluded stuff, providing their supplicants will keep supporting their caloric intake and lifestyle.

I learned in Cub Scouts that it is always better to be prepared just a few months before our good fundy preacher tried to fuck my little butt at Scout camp.

[mcscajun]

31. I leave the viewing room when the priest or minister shows up.

That way, I'm not around for the prayer, and my departure doesn't disrupt anything or cause a ripple of notice. After a few minutes, when I'm pretty certain that's done, I return to the viewing/visiting room.

[OregonBlue]

33. I don't think it's necessary to bow your head but I do think you should

just sit quietly and let others pray. If, as I experienced recently, it is an evangelical funeral, it can get a bit hard to sit through. I was tempted to just get up and walk out but decided just to sit quietly and watch the wacko up front go on and on and on. Did it for my Mom's sake since it was her husband and although she is not religious, his family was and she wanted to feel close to them at that moment.

[JVS]

41. Not Athiest or Agnostic, but in situations where the deity being prayed...

to isn't my God, I sit or stand still (depending on what the people are doing) and watch the person leading the prayer

[ulysses]

42. I've even led the prayer.

My mother-in-law asked my to do so when my father-in-law died in 2001, primarily because she knew I was the only one who would do a decent job of it. :) I know how, and it wasn't a problem out of respect.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

45. I am a Christian (not A/A)

and have been to many religious services that do not mirror my beliefs. I stand when they stand and sit when they sit. I do not kneel. I am quiet. And I smile and nod a whole lot.

T-Grannie

[Rabrrrrrr]

46. Just be respectful - it's a matter of simple etiquette.

Meaning, don't jump around or shout or disturb the moment in any way.

You don't have to pray, don't even have to listen to the words. But approach the prayer time like you do every other moment of the funeral: with respect for the people around you and for the ceremony.