Atheist/Agnostic...would you attend a wedding or funeral at a church?

[Proud_Democratt]

Poll question: Atheist/Agnostic...would you attend a wedding or funeral at a church?

or Temple or any religious -type facility????
This is a subject I have wrestled with many times. I have asked myself, "would I attend-------'s funeral?"

Vote and discuss, if you'd like.

[keepthemhonest]

1. you forgot to add just plain old yes

Sure why not ,I would not have any exceptions.

[Proud_Democratt]

3. I added "Yes"...thanks

[keepthemhonest]

23. ok thanks

I just voted.

[Taxloss]

2. Yes, and more.

I go to carol concerts at Christmas for the music. Choral music is sublime and best heard in churches.

I see no problem in going into a church.

[Random_Australian]

11. Indeed. The Hallelujah Chorus and Jesu, Joy Of Man's Desiring

are my two favourites now. (Though I only have them in digital format, but one day I hope to see live performances..... I have plenty of time)

[abluelady]

4. I'm an Atheist, but

I don't know what you wrestle with. It is just a building. The importance (meaning) of the building is up to the individual. To me it is like saying, would you go to the beach. There are many who find more spirituality/godliness, etc., at a beach. I don't think our beliefs have anything to do with a structure. But that's just my opinion.

And I'll just add, where ever my family chooses to observe my death will be up to them. Funerals are for the living, not the dead.

[Proud_Democratt]

6. Most of my relatives are fundamentalists..hardcore Pentecostals

so...you may agree why I view this as a "wrestle". You will definitely get "preached at" at one of these types of ceremonies. I've been there, done that.

[abluelady]

10. LOL--I Wouldn't Call it "Wrestle"

I would call it putting myself through hell, which most of us do all the time for one reason or another.

[goddess40]

44. I get up and leave if it gets to obnoxious

I go to celebrate or honor who ever the ceremony is for but I refuse to be talked down to. If some jerk off preacher takes the celebration as a opening to condemn or scold those in the audience that are not members of his or her church they deserve to be walked out on and I am always disappointed that those being represented by the ceremony don't talk to the preacher about the inappropriateness of the attack.

[BlueEyedSon]

5. Sure, until funerals and weddings are customary to do elsewhere....

[EST]

7. Yes.

There's nothing wrong with going to church, although under normal conditions, it's a gigantic bore.
There's one thing I resent, powerfully, as happened to me after heart surgery, a few years back. The minister at my wife's church came into my hospital room, the day after surgery, and wanted to pray for me. the pressure was enormous and so was the pain. As the lesser of evils, I reluctantly agreed--anything to get him the f--- out of there and leave me in peace, such as it was. I do not normally carry grudges, but this still rankles.

[zanne]

9. Agreed. At my mother's funeral...

My mom's funeral was in a Catholic church. As is customary, the immediate family sits in the front row. When it came time for communion, the priest just walked up in front of the bench and stuck the host in my face. I didn't have TIME to say no! There are times when people assume that you want spiritual comfort and it never occurs to them that not everyone believes as they do. That's what rankles.

[EST]

19. As an interesting aside:

In last month's issue of Scientific American or Discover, there was a brief article about the effects, if any, of prayer on healing.
They found that the folks who were not prayed for and those who were prayed for and did not know about it had virtually identical outcomes, while those who were prayed for and knew about it had alarmingly higher rates of complications.

I'm glad I didn't know about this a few years ago, although I suspected it was true.

I would like to see a study of young adults to determine whether or not the independent minded, brought up in strongly practicing households, had the same percentage of religiosity as those rained in more open-minded surroundings.

Does that independence shine through, eventually, no matter the background?

[eallen]

8. I've done so many times. Superstition doesn't rub off.

Weddings are a time to congatulate newly-weds. Funerals are a time to comfort the bereaved. Neither are the time to point out the superstition behind the rituals.

[yellerpup]

12. Weddings and funerals are not about my beliefs

I'd go to celebrate/support those I care(d) about. The only time I've ever been offended by someone else's religion at one of these affairs was at a wedding conducted in a private home where the minister issued an altar call (won't you come forward and accept JC as your personal savior?) before he pronounced the couple man & wife. The bride told me later that she was offended, too.

[Proud_Democratt]

20. The "alter call" has happened to me, at churches many

times...usually a funeral though! The minister seizes the opportunity of playing on your emotions and maybe recruit some new people. This is why I hesitate to attend.

[yellerpup]

21. I get so angry when this sh** happens that it blows all

sentimentality out of my mind completely. The bride knew this and asked the preacher specifically NOT to preach, but he's one of those BA types and knows what's best for everyone. We laughed because I always cry at weddings, but the altar call cleared up all my tears immediately. Afterwards the preacher was discomfited by by glare and tried to approach me. I brushed him off with a sarcastic laugh and said, "I'm not superstitious at all. And, I'm not interested in discussing your superstitions." My family knows I'll show up for them, but they know full well that I (dis)respect all religions equally.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

28. Wow. I never experienced an altar call

at a wedding!

I did, however, once experience a "commercial" for the funeral home at a funeral in a Primative Baptist church. It was kind of funny. I knew the daughter of the deceased and she was very angry about it. Still is.

[Proud_Democratt]

29. Things like that would not surprise me

at any of my relatives religious events.

[yellerpup]

30. I would have gone to that

just to come away with the story! Sorry about the daughter, though. At my father's funeral the preacher called him by the name on his birth certificate, which he hated and would have punched out anyone who used it in real life. Hard to suppress the giggles during that looooong ceremony. Dad would have walked out after ten minutes. Ah the story of my life, comedy and tragedy at the same time.

[zanne]

40. Comedy and tragedy at the same time!

Isn't that always the way? With my family in the front row at my mother's funeral, we got the whole church screwed up because we hadn't been to church is such a long time, we didn't know when to kneel, sit, stand or go blind. We kept looking behind us to see what everybody else was doing, and they were looking to us because we were in the front row, after all! It was hilarious.

[yellerpup]

41. I am fully empathetic to your situation...

too bad there is no emoticon for it. I bet your mom enjoyed the show! :hug:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

36. Me, either

Of course, all the weddings and funerals I have ever been to were Lutheran, Episcopalian, Methodist, Unitarian, Roman Catholic, Jewish, or secular, and none of these groups is inclined to altar calls.

[Dorian Gray]

39. I've never heard of an altar call

until reading this thread. It's not a Catholic thing. I've also attended Anglican/Episcopalian, Lutheran, Jewish, Presbyterian services, and it's never been done in any of them, either. (Especially at Synagogue! :) ).

[TallahasseeGrannie]

27. That has happened to me, too

at a few students' funerals. Lots of time saying "Bobby knew Jesus and now you can, too!" I resented the time taken away from remembering Bobby.

But I will go anywhere for a party. Church, Temple, Mosque, even MacDonald's. However, the question was aimed at atheists and I'm not so I didn't vote.

I often prefer to attend funeral homes where you get more time with the family. And I am a great believer in...seeing people DEAD. Strange, huh? My mother in law died in NJ while we were in FL and they cremated her while we were traveling. It has been 14 years now and none of us believe she is dead and we all dream about scenarios where she comes back all the time. On the other hand, when my parents died we did the whole embalming thing and the visitation and none of us think they are coming back. There is a painful finality to it that is valuable to me.

But YMMV.

[yellerpup]

31. I used to joke that I didn't care what happened to my body

after I died. All that changed when my neighbor passed away when she was 59. Her husband was 86, and her predeceasing him was the LAST thing they ever expected. He was ill with prostrate cancer and I helped him with the arrangements for her to insure that he wasn't cheated. The funeral parlor had her laid out in a cardboard box in her hospital gown in a small room with two folding chairs. Most pitiful spectacle I've ever seen. I've stopped joking about donating my body to the FBI for target practice to give my loved ones a break. A proper burial needent be lavish, but it should be proper for the survivors sake. You're right,, TallahasseeGrannie, there is value in handling the finale correctly. :hug:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

35. I feel the same way

I was 11 when my grandfather died, and it didn't seem real to me. The adults around me were puzzled as to how calmly I was taking it, because my grandfather and I had been close. It wasn't until I saw him in the coffin that it hit me that he was really dead. Yes, it was a wrenching experience, and I was physically ill with grief, but in the end, it was better for me. I knew he was gone for good, because the body in the coffin didn't look like my grandfather. Whatever makes the difference between a live person and a dead body was GONE.

Since then, I have seen my father and my grandmother dead, and while I find some of the excesses of a Midwestern funeral disgusting, I'm glad I did have a chance to view the body. It's not a pleasant experience, but it's reality.

And to those who say, usually without any experience, "Oh, I want to remember them as they were when they were alive," rest assured that the sight of them in the coffin is NOT the memory you will take with you, not unless you are specifically remembering the funeral. If you are remembering happier times, you will see them as they were on that earlier occasion.

[Random_Australian]

13. Yes. The evangelicals actually cordially invited me to their church to

discuss philosophy. (Yes, they did know I am an atheist)

[Canuckistanian]

14. It's only a building

I see nothing different about a church. I may disagree with the need for a church, but it's a useful structure that's a functional equivalent of a meeting hall.

And those kind of structures by far outdate Christianity.

[TechBear_Seattle]

15. Why should I not?

My personal beliefs have nothing to do with supporting family and friends.

[Dissent Is Patriotic]

16. If I care about someone...

I attend whatever there special event is no matter what religious venue it is at. Christian or non-Christian. (You left things like going to a bar or bat mitzvah temple service, etc.)

[Proud_Democratt]

25. Next time I'll do a poll including Bar/Bat Mitzvah. I promise.

[Arkansas Granny]

17. Yes. In the case of a wedding or funeral, it's not the place

that the service is being held that's important, it's the person/people for whom the ceremony is being held.

[Caution]

18. well gee. i guess those atheists arent quite so militant after all.

what a shock :sarcasm:

[ozone_man]

22. Wedding or funeral is redundant

since it's in both question and answer. That's what I put anyway, just to be absolutely clear. ;)

[Syncronaut Seven]

24. One word, Hot Date!

Although weddings are better. Plus! After you've corrupted them, you can convert them! Doesn't matter what you convert them to.

My dates usually end up lesbian. :rofl:

[Book Lover]

26. I go where I am obligated to go

If that includes a house of worship I will enter it as long as it is not a place where the sexes are segregated. If that is one of the rules, I will not enter.

[cain_7777]

32. To honor friends and family, not a god.

.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

33. Sure. The wedding/funeral would be about the person(s) involved

and his/her (their) beliefs, not mine.

:hi:

[riderinthestorm]

34. Absolutely! Every single one of my friends and family are believers

And I live in the self-styled "Bible capital of the US".

I go to honor my friends and family. They are believers.

When I was married outdoors in the woods, they came.

When I die and my service is outdoors and in the woods, I assume they will come as well.

[NMMNG]

37. Yes

It's not like I'm going to spontaneously combust upon walking into the sanctuary or anything. :nuke: I've been to churches more than a dozen times since I became an atheist in the course of my work duties, so I have no qualms going to one for a wedding or funeral (other than my own).

[Quantess]

38. Yes, I have exceptions to my rules

I love to say "only for a wedding or a funeral". Truth is, maybe not even in those circumstances. If I think I might have to sit through an hour long wedding, I won't attend! I'll just catch the reception. ;-)

A short sweet wedding in any church? Absolutely!

A funeral? Sure, if I cared about the deceased person or their family.

But if I had any say, I would strive to make the procession as non-religious as my influence would allow. ESPECIALLY if I knew the deceased was non-religious. Funerals are notorious for being overly religious, even when the deceased was not.

Off-topic: I attended a Deaf church service one Sunday, for my American Sign Language college course. Best sermon I ever attended.

[Strong Atheist]

42. Yeah, I do those things. Into each life, a little religion falls... it is

just one of those things you do to get along ...

[Proud_Democratt]

43. I'm the ONE vote...only for close family or friends.

I've always been odd anyway....I mean...unique!