An Open Letter to John McCain:

[Mortos]

Dear John,

I hope this letter finds you well, I really, really do. You know, when we first met there was a strong, almost irresistible attraction. The POW, the maverick. I got you. That - 10th from the bottom of my 900 person class but I don't give a shit because I am a rebel - attitude. You were an interesting diversion from the other republicans. You weren't quite as bat shit crazy and war mongering. You actually stood up to republicans on a few things that went against your core values. You HAD a few core values, which alone set you apart from the rest of the republican whores. Hey, you wanted to kick Bush in the balls for implying your adopted child from India was the result of you knocking up some black welfare mom. I liked that about you.

But then something changed. You stopped being the "maverick". You started going along. You became the anti-"maverick". You became a con tradition and sold out your convictions. You flip-flopped on torture and went along with tearing off pieces of the Constitution that didn't fit with the crimes that had been convicted in our name. You figuratively kissed Bush's ass 90% of the time and literally hugged him like his prison bitch to help him win re-election. Tell me John, which was more painful...being slapped around by your Vietnamese captors for years or tucking into that pathetic failure's arms and reaching around, as best you could, to embrace him while smelling the arrogance and Crown Royal roll off his breath and out of his pores. Did it make you cry that night when you thought about what he is and what you used to be?

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that the republicans have found someone else. They won't be needing you anymore. They have a hockey mom, moose hunting, maverick who is just so much spunkier than you. She is a real maverick. No she didn't fight in any wars or have political "experience" but she...completes them. She is shallow and hypocritical, stupid and proud, trashy and grating...in short everything they liked about Bush wrapped up in a package they would like to bang. Face it John, she's a hawt MILf and you are a boring old POW, which one do you think republicans would rather hang out with? You know they like veterans the same way they like fetuses...only while they are a useful political tool.

You felt it at the convention last night. The biggest reaction you got was when you mentioned HER name. They are done with you, hell they never liked you that much to begin with. They will still let you be the figurehead. They will vote for you only because the other name on the ticket is Plain and they will pray to their Old Testament God every night to call you home so their real candidate can take over; "Please Lord, let John McCain die in his sleep tonight so we can get one of your true servants in the Whitehouse to wage more war against the poor, the fags, the uppity elitist black man, the Mexicans, the environment, science and all those brown skinned people sitting on top of our oil. In Jesus name we pray, Amen."

The sad fact is you are going to lose again. Everyone except the delusional Bush 29% can see how far you have fallen. By sucking up to the religious right and the chickenhawks, you sold your soul and your dignity...and you can't get those back.

So John, this is the end. You came so close to success so many times. I wish you well. I hope you live longer than your mother. Heck you have already outlived your dad (70) and your granddad (61). I hope you can find comfort in your final years with your memories of greatness, your 7 mansions and your wife's $100 million dollars. Good luck to you.

Steve

[Mortos]

1. Beuller? Beuller?