Rev. Wright, Obama's grandma, and your racist family members

[yurbud]

Obama challenged one bit of PC orthodoxy in his race speech when he said that he could no more reject Rev. Wright as a person than he could his grandmother who loved him dearly but said racist things that hurt him.

That contradicts what I have heard people say publicly for decades: that if someone says something racist, you should call them on it, remove yourself from the room, and remove yourself from the relationship.

I doubt that many people ever do this, even those who recommend it. If we did, no one would be talking to anyone.

With racist members of my family, I sometimes object and sometimes argue. The last time I was really adamant about it was when someone said something racist in front of a small kid. The offender apologized and said he knew he shouldn't do it. I suspect in the Northwest where I'm from, that's the way that conversation would usually go.

I wonder what other people REALLY do on this issue (NOT the advice they give others but don't follow themselves).

What have you actually done in these situations, particularly with close relatives?

[nancyr]

1. We simply don't discuss it.

They can't change the way I think and I can't change the way they think, so there is no point to it. Politics, religion and racism are not anything we go into. Fortunately we all live far apart!

[mrreowwr_kittty]

2. My grandmother was a raging racist.

I was too young to call her out on it, but I doubt I would if she were alive today. She didn't take criticism very well and was a pro at laying on the Catholic guilt trip. I'd end up apologizing to her for her being a bigot.

That said, she had a lot of really admirable qualities and she loved me very much. When I think about Obama and Rev. Wright, I could see myself having an older woman mentor with a lot of my grandmother's characteristics, including the racism (which kinda went along with her generation). I probably would continue to have the relationship with her, taking the good things and leaving the rest. That's what Obama did with Wright, and explained it very beautifully in his speech.

It's a shame that people aren't seeing the shades of gray in this, choosing instead to frame in a rigid black/white dichotomy, even going so far as to compare Rev. Wright to a KKK member. :wow:

[yurbud]

8. ironically, the ones most likely to be offended by Wright are the white racists whose

own family members cut them a lot of slack.

[otohara]

3. My Mexican Mom, Used to Slap Me

if I said "yous guys" and say "you sound like a stupid Mexican".

We were living in the west side when I was 8-10 years old and my friends were Mexicans, I was picking up on the accent and slang.

[TwilightGardener]

4. I have family members that have said things about Jews, blacks, Mexicans, etc--

and yet, when it comes down to face-to-face interactions, I've never witnessed these same family members treat anyone of a different race or religion with anything other than respect and decency. And my family members are imperfect, but still good people who do good things. That's the way it is in MOST families, I suspect.

[TexasLady]

5. If they were elder ones

I would just roll my eyes, or say yeah whatever. My speaking up generally did NOTHING anyway. My kids' grandpa used to say to them, 'don't drink chocolate milk unless you want to turn black'. THEY would say, grinning, 'really Grandpa? cool!'
Ignoring or not laughing at their racial jokes and changing the subject is generally what I do. I doubt they will change anytime soon.

The ones my age, I call them on it and have lost speaking terms because of it, with a couple of them.

The younger ones are usually growing up dating interracially, and I love it because it chaps their parent's asses.

[Whisp]

6. I had a rude awakening with a close family member

not too long ago.

some of the things she and her friend were saying about Native people just turned my stomach. I tried to get them to think about how viscious and unfair they sounded but they wouldn't have a part in listening to me and seemed to enjoy their mouth foamings back and forth.

it really sickened me and since then it's affected my long time relationship with her. I always knew she was sometimes prone to not looking at things fairly in this regard (not too much of a deep thinker, I've had to straighten her out on alot of things over the years), but I had never heard her be such an outright asshole bigot before in my life.

It really hurt me deeply and I wish I could privately confront her with this - but I know it will only end up in a massive fight and I just don't want to go there. Maybe I'm being a coward, but then maybe sometimes you just can't change a leopards spots. Now, if my daughter had been there to hear all this shit - that's a different story - I would have ripped her 3 more assholes right then and there.

but the thing that bugs me the most about that exchange, if there were some Native people around the table to listen in, they wouldn't Dare talk like that. They'd probably be all sweet and phoney kind and two-faced like they are.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

7. depends on the person

I have argued with some family members. But for me the ones who said the most bigoted statements passed away before I was grown up, so there was never a chance to say something to them. Now, I have a bigoted boss. I tried to give him some facts on things, but he wasn't listening, so I've just shut up. I'm also looking for another job.

[2rth2pwr]

9. Isn't that so beautiful? Comparing the woman who sacrificed for him, who

raised him to to a ranting lunatic preaching hatred to thousands of young and

impressionable people and proudly sells these lies on his website.

I thought it was very sweet.

[sudopod]

10. Not everyone can be perfect like you and Hillary

The rest of us have to make do with our human friends and family.

[2rth2pwr]

12. And we stand up for our family.

[yurbud]

13. which part of what he said was lies as opposed to put in a way that makes intellectually lazy white

people uncomfortable?

[SeaLyons]

11. We don't get to pick our family, but with

friends and church affiliations - we do. It's that simple.

[Hoof Hearted]

15. Exactly. n/t

[Hoof Hearted]

14. I got up and walked out of an Easter dinner at my MIL's - AFTER ripping my ex BIL a new one.

I don't believe in sitting quietly while racist hate speech is being thrown about and I CERTAINLY wouldn't stay in a church that behaved that way, let alone give them any of my money.