The War on Error - Democratic Underground

NanceGreggs

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Sun Nov-11-07 10:46 PM
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The War on Error

Edited on Sun Nov-11-07 11:31 PM by NanceGreggs

In case you haven’t noticed, this War on Terror thing really isn’t working out.

After spending billions of dollars and shedding the blood of our troops and innocent Iraqis, all we’ve really got to show for it is a national debt that would choke every last horse left on the planet, a Middle Eastern country in ruins, a loss of allies and respect around the world, an increase in the number of terrorists who hate our guts, and a vague promise that victory is just around the corner – and that would be the same corner that’s been turned so many times, it should be obvious to all and sundry that we’re just going around in circles.

In my opinion, as humble as it is, I believe it’s time to wage a war of more importance: the War on Error.

The good news is that it won’t involve rebuilding our broken military, will not produce casualties (if you don’t count prison sentences as a casualty), and will be a lot cheaper in the long run than our present so-called war on a concept.

The better news is that the War on Error will be fought right here – forget passports and inoculations against every disease known to man; no need to travel.

The first battle in this war will be on Errors in Judgment, and that’s as good a place to start as any.

At this point, three-quarters of our nation are in agreement that allowing George Bush to occupy the White House was a monumental error in judgment – one which they would readily undo if given a chance.

Of course, as in the War on Terror, we have to accept that some traditional freedoms, as well as portions of the Constitution, will have to be temporarily suspended for the good of the nation. And let’s face it, impeachment is a lengthy, messy process that no one is looking forward to.

It would seem the most expedient way to deal with this most egregious error in judgment would be to accept the fact that when the vast majority of the citizenry – who, of course, employ the president and pay his salary – think he’s doing a lousy job, a fax or hand-delivered letter simply stating “You’re fired!” should suffice. Oh, and P.S. You can take your entire administration with you.

The second battle in the War on Error is wholly related to the first; i.e. how did this draft-dodging idiot get elected in the first place? This brings us to Diebold and other nefarious ways of stealing elections. No more electronic voting machines, no more problem. That battle will only take as long as is needed to haul said machines to Boston Harbor, where they can be ceremoniously tossed with abandon. (I haven’t checked with the good people of Boston yet, but I’m thinking they’re in.)

The next phase of the War on Error will require some expenditure – not anywhere near the cost of the present fiasco in Iraq, but once we shut down the War on Terror, we’ll have lots of dough to spend where it really counts.

I would suggest starting with investigations into those who have repeatedly been in error to the detriment of the nation. “Mr. Cheney, Mr. Tenet, Mr. Powell, Ms. Rice, Mr. Rumsfeld et al, would you mind stepping into the witness box, please, and explaining exactly where you got all of that intelligence you used to get us involved in the quagmire that is Iraq?”

At this juncture, I just want to state that I am not a proponent of torture. However, it could be that burning Ms. Rice’s Ferragamos in front of her eyes will loosen her tongue, or perhaps a sledgehammer held aloft over Mr. Tenet’s Medal of Freedom would quickly result in some truth-telling. Of course, in Dick “Five Deferments” Cheney’s case, a couple of military recruiters yelling “boo!” would probably suffice.

And you can’t have a War on Error without including the PNAC boys. A stint in the cooler (a cell without access to hair mousse, manicures and/or FOX-News) will inevitably lead to tearful confessions about the error of their ways (and their thinking) faster than you can say “I predict that within six months, a square in Baghdad will be named in honor of the great liberator, George W. Bush”.

This brings us to the largest battlefront in the War on Error, the mainstream media. Its combatants are great in number, known for their ability to twist absolute trivia into an impordand fact, legendary in their fierceness when it comes to defending the corporations that pay their salaries.

However, this seemingly courageous fighting group has been known to fold when asked for actual facts to support their reportage. One well-placed “and you got that information from where, sir?” will undoubtedly result in the media equivalent of a mushroom cloud.

There will be battles to be won in addition to the above: the War on Error in decisions made about the economy, education, health care, job outsourcing, maintenance of our infra-structure, diplomacy (or lack thereof), not to mention the currently looming threat of the ongoing errors of the GOP in terms of their choices for presidential wannabees.

But like the War on Terror (or so the story goes), the battle against the ill-informed, the liars, the deceivers, and the downright idiotic who have infiltrated the highest echelons of our government (a.k.a. asleep at the wheel cells) must be waged on an ongoing basis, lest the error-makers be allowed to continue their assault on our democracy.

In a last-ditch effort to salvage some aspect of the War on Terror that (having already been paid for) can be utilized in the War on Error, I would strongly urge all citizens to adopt a newly-modified color-coded alert system (e.g. mauve for closeted gay Republicans who speak out publicly against homosexuals), as well as the purchase of such emergency items as duct tape, which can be used to shut the mouths of the Errorists permanently.

As for the others who need to be dealt with in order to bring our nation back to what it once was, please stay tuned for upcoming episodes of the War on Error, starring well-regarded economists who didn’t realize that destroying the middle-class might be a problem, along with esteemed bankers who didn’t count on subprime mortgages amounting to on-the-books debt that couldn’t be recouped, and those Fabulous Fundies who never suspected that anyone would actually look into their finances.

It’s going to be a long, hard slog (as someone once said), but winning the War on Error will benefit our nation in ways too numerous to be mentioned here, and those benefits are actually based on fact rather than fiction.

Imagine that!