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Email from RW relative: 23 ways to be a good liberal

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JohnnyLib2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Nov-05-07 10:57 PM
Original message
Email from RW relative: 23 ways to be a good liberal

THIS IS SO EASY -- A CAVE MAN CAN BELIEVE IT....

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion
on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and
governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding
Americans are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the
hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal
funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected
by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by
soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being
homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of
federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach
fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids
about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but
loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than
actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his
own money to make 'The Passion of the Christ' for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain
parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports
certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are
too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are
more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and
Alexander Graham Bell.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very
nice person.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail,
but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag,
transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and
manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the
Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States .

21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast,
right wing conspiracy.

22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers the day
off on Christmas Day but it's not okay to say 'Merry Christmas.'

23. You could believe Al Gore would not be better served to have
received a clue or dose of reality vs. the Nobel Peace prize for inventing
global warming and/or The Internet...

=====================
This apparently came first from some local Republican operatives in Ohio.
Lower and lower they go.

:puke:
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Historic NY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Nov-05-07 10:59 PM
Response to Original message
1. You could plug Ghouliani into a bunch of them..........
Edited on Mon Nov-05-07 11:04 PM by Historic NY
fired it back at them.

http://www.wisdomquotes.com/001727.html

http://www.aboyandhiscomputer.com/goodrepublican.html

http://home.att.net/~howingtons/goodgop.html

32 RULES FOR BEING A GOOD REPUBLICAN
I didn't write this. I don't know who did.

1. You have to believe that the nation's 8-year prosperity was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but that today's gas prices, the fifteen year high in unemployment, the unprecedented federal deficits (largest in history), the increasing inflation, lack of jobs, increased poverty, increased insurance costs, and all the deaths in Iraq are all Bill Clinton's fault.

2. You have to despise government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.

3. You have to have faith that a tax break for the wealthy that takes away child credits for the poor is going to make poor people go away so that we are all rich.

4. You have to believe that government should stay out of peoples' lives, yet you want government to regulate same-sex marriages, gays in the work place and government ending or not ending pregnancies, what you can watch on TV or listen to on radio and CDs or read in magazines, what you can use the flag for, being molested by untrained clerical security people in airports, being photographed and taped in public places, and what official language should be spoken by you.

5. You have to believe that pollution is okay, so long as it makes a profit. It is even better if it's in another state. Better still if it is another country.

6. You have to sponsor prayer in public schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha. (But Scientology and Mooneys are fine as long as they are big donors, and despite the rest of the worlds opinion, Reagan confirmed they are not cults.)

7. You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

8. You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about herself, but that large multi-national corporations should have no regulations or interference.

9. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and you're absolutely positive that Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, labor unions, aliens and Hillary Clinton. (P.S., he must also agree with you on supporting the death penalty, despite what it says he said in the Bible.)

10. You have to believe that society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still wouldn't ever vote for Allan Keyes (but Jesse Helms, Lippy Dole and Strom Thurmond are really OK).

11. You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend more than $100 million in tax dollars to attack Clinto. Presidents have never been unfaithful to their wives.

12. You have to declare that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all Americans, including children, terrorists and felons.

13. You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools because, of course, if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

14. You have to believe that the ACLU is bad for defending the Constitution, while the NRA is good for defending the Constitution.

15. You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the public doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore it, it will go away.

16. You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Old Testament, which is full of sex and violence, is good reading at any age.

17. You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles and war mongers have killed more Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco combined, and therefore we must spend most of our tax dollars in a space weapons system against them.

18. You have to excuse George Jr. for his years of cocaine abuse, alcoholism, marital infidelities, aborting his pregnant girlfriend Robin Lowman, and spousal abuse, but Clinton should have been impeached for having oral sex in the White House.

19. You have to believe that even though governments have supported the arts for 6000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid for by governments, our government should shun any such support. After all, the rich can afford to buy their own and the poor don't need any.

20. You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein, so the owners can make their profit.

21. You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich, Bob Barr, Henry Hyde, Trent Lott, Arlen Spector, and Bob Livingston for their many and continued marital infidelities, but that that bastard, Bill Clinton and his wife, should never, ever be forgiven.

22. You firmly believe that International Treaties only count if we like them today.

23. You know it is all right to disseminate and print all the falsehoods and lies possible about the Clintons, but to talk about Dubyahs record of years of alcoholism and cocaine abuse, D.U.I.s, spousal abuse, the Bush twins arrests for illegal use of alcohol, Jenas posing for nudie calendars, or Neil Bushs felonies for illegal loans and bankrupting Silverado S & L, or Jeb Bushs marital problems, infidelities and his daughters cocaine addiction are personal, private and off limits for the press.

24. You have to still believe that George was really telling the truth about Weapons of Mass Destruction.

25. You have to believe that we really could have gotten Bushs business partner, Osama bin Laden if it hadnt been for that bastard, Bill Clinton.

26. You have to believe the fact that Prescott Bush (Georges father) should not ever have been indicted for trading with the Nazis during WWII, despite the fact he never gave up his German bank which helped finance Hitler (whom he called, a good Christian who supported law and order), and continued to run it after the war with the help of Averill Harriman (another Nazi financier.)

27. You should believe that it doesnt really make any difference that George H.W.Bush was the one who armed Osama during the 80s and early 90s, and gave nerve gas and other banned chemicals to Sadaam in the 90s because they were on our side.

28. You have to believe that George W. Bush REALLY won the election in 2000, in spite of the 600,000 plus vote plurality for Al Gore, and the unprecedented interference of the U. S. Supreme Court in appointing Bush the president, 5 to 4.

29. You have to believe no matter how corrupt the Bush family is, the Kennedy family is worse.

30. You have to believe that no mater how often and how big the lies are that the Bush administration tells, that if they repeat them often enough, loudly enough and call anybody who points them out traitors and anarchists that they will make them fact.

31. You have to believe in changing the rules to insulate Tom DeLay from any loss of privilege and power while he is convicted of a variety of felonies.

32. You have to believe that if George surrounds himself with incompetent ass kissing yes men and fawning females that he can make better decisions.

33. And last, that the tax break gave rich Republicans so much money that they bought George a second term despite the facts, and he will be long, long gone before we really have to pay the deficits back.
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Mojorabbit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Nov-05-07 11:41 PM
Response to Reply #1
4. I love this!
I got the same email as the OP last week and this would have been the perfect response.
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NoodleBoy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Nov-05-07 11:03 PM
Response to Original message
2. how did they get the memo?
who gave them their super secret copy?
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Bitwit1234 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Nov-05-07 11:23 PM
Response to Original message
3. These type of emails just show the stupidity of the republicans
democrats know republicans are a bunch of crap. We don't have to justify it.
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