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NanceGreggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-13-06 10:15 PM
Original message
Everybody Just calm Down!
Edited on Thu Jul-13-06 10:33 PM by NanceGreggs
Everybody Just Calm Down!
By Nancy Greggs

I realize that things are looking pretty rough here at home, as well as all over the world. But lets keep focused on our Fearless Leader et al, and take heart.

Contrary to what you may have heard, the War in Iraq has been over for years now. Didnt you see the Mission Accomplished banner? It was in all the newspapers and all over the TV. Besides, Rumsfeld assured us all in the very early stages that combat would last a matter of months, if not weeks. HE would never lie.

The cost of the war to American taxpayers has been zilch. Paul Wolfowitz was very straightforward in his statement that, This war will pay for itself. Youre not going to question HIS honesty, are you?

Thanks to the invasion of Iraq, US citizens can now rest easy in the knowledge that there are no longer any WMDS in that country, nor mobile chemical labs, drones that can deliver chemical weapons in forty-five minutes, etc. The fact that they were never there in the first place is nit-picking.

Joblessness is not a problem here in the United States. People who have used up their unemployment insurance benefits are not counted as unemployed, which means they all must have found really good jobs by now.

The victims of Katrina have apparently all returned to their newly-renovated homes, thanks to the presidents assurance following the catastrophe that the government would step up to the plate and rebuild.

The current problems in the Middle East are nothing to be concerned about. Perhaps you have forgotten Bushs Roadmap to Peace, which he promised would set all parties on the path to cooperation and reconciliation. I know it looks like theyre planning to blow each other off the face of the earth; its just that theyve hit a couple of potholes along the way.

Global warming is not a big deal. Now that the economy is on such a roll, all Americans can afford to crank their air-conditioning up another notch.

The exorbitant price of gas is a Godsend for the poor and middle-class. People in the lower income brackets who traditionally take road trips for their summer vacations can now brag that theyre taking much more EXPENSIVE vacations than they did in the past.

As we have been assured just recently, we can all be strategically optimistic about how things are going in Iraq. If it wasnt for the damned librul media refusing to air the thousands of hours of video footage of schools being built, hospitals being refurbished, and happy Iraqis going off to their well-paying jobs, everyone would see that firsthand.

There is no shortage of electricity in Baghdad. The lights and air-conditioners in the Green Zone run twenty-four/seven, so theres your proof.

Dont be fooled by all the rumors about how Diebold is stealing elections. Everyone knows that machines cannot steal elections only people who program machines can steal elections DUH!

Ken Lay was an honest man and a true friend. The only reason he took the 5th, on the grounds that his answers may tend to incriminate him, was so the REAL guilty parties wouldnt feel so alone.

And speaking of true friends, Dick Cheney only shot HIS friend in the face because Whittington was a down-on-his-luck lawyer who really needed the publicity.

The rising national debt is ONLY a number just like the number of casualties in Iraq, the number of uninsured Americans, the number of citizens who have fallen below the poverty level during Bushs presidency, and the number of jobs that have been outsourced. If more Americans would STOP subscribing to Al Gores system of fuzzy math, they would understand how meaningless numbers can be in the great scheme of things.

Too many nay-sayers suggest that Bush is out of touch with reality. Well, hes not, because he hears the voices of God and Jesus on a regular basis, and they have assured him their voices are real.

The president is a man of his word, who once said that if anyone in his office was guilty of outing Valerie Plame, they would be fired immediately. Now that Bob Novak has named Rove as a source, he is clearing out his office even as we speak.

Bush, Rumsfeld, Gonzales and Cheney are all good Christians. Thats why they NEVER allow any waterboarding of prisoners to be done on Sunday.

Halliburton has submitted over a billion dollars in questionable billings since their no-bid contract to deliver services to troops in Iraq began. As soon as their bookkeeper has time to go through all of the shoeboxes full of receipts he keeps under his bed, Im sure everything will be easily explained.

The president took a lot of flack for not heeding the August 6th memo about Bin Laden being determined to strike in the United States. It just so happens that he never received that memo until September 12th, because it was sent via the internetz and got clogged up in the tubes.

So there, America. Oh ye of little faith.

Everything is going just peachy-keen!!!



Edited to Add: This is my 4000th post - just hoped to share a little levity to mark the occasion.
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Mojambo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-13-06 10:17 PM
Response to Original message
1. What a load off my mind!
Good stuff!
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rodeodance Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-13-06 10:25 PM
Response to Reply #1
6. mine too, i was getting pretty glum there!
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MadMaddie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-13-06 10:17 PM
Response to Original message
2. Nance...Nance...Nance....
Once again...you have pinpointed the hypocracy of this administration of liars...

Bravo my friend!!
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OwnedByFerrets Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-13-06 10:20 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. Why is it that
every time you post, its a masterpiece. Thank you again!!
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NanceGreggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-13-06 11:30 PM
Response to Reply #2
14. WHAT? THEY'RE LYING'?????
I CAN'T believe it!

Say it ain't so!!!!!!!!!!!

:scared:

NOW WHADDA WE DO?

(Thanks, Mad Maddie!)
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MadMaddie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 11:57 PM
Response to Reply #14
40. You are welcome!!
;-)
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uppityperson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-13-06 10:21 PM
Response to Original message
4. Golly thanks, can I have some roast pig or cake now too?
:rofl: because otherwise I'd be crying
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Mz Pip Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-13-06 10:23 PM
Response to Original message
5. Good!
Now let's all praise Jeezus and pass the Tequila. :toast:

Mz Pip
:dem:
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gordianot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-13-06 10:30 PM
Response to Original message
7. I feel so much better now, thank you.
:kick: :hi:
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Ringo84 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-13-06 10:30 PM
Response to Original message
8. How do they sleep at night?
You were so good quoting the spin it was scary. Good work.
Ringo
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Mike Nelson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-13-06 10:35 PM
Response to Original message
9. Well, that's a relief...
Great essay!
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juajen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-13-06 10:36 PM
Response to Original message
10. K & R
The usual good stuff!
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buff2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-13-06 10:36 PM
Response to Original message
11. WOW! That was GREAT!!!!
:hi:
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AndyTiedye Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-13-06 11:12 PM
Response to Original message
12. Can I Have a Hit of Whatever You Are Smoking? Please!
Edited on Thu Jul-13-06 11:12 PM by AndyTiedye
9981
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NanceGreggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-13-06 11:26 PM
Response to Reply #12
13. Here ya go!
:smoke:

And don't forget to wander on over to Post No. 5 -- I understand they're serving Tequila over there ...

:toast:
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Canuckistanian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 12:29 AM
Response to Original message
15. The 'Mission Accomplished' banner?
That was just the work of a few bad apples in the Navy who stealthily put up up the banner against the wishes of the administration.

http://www.commondreams.org/headlines03/1030-06.htm
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blues90 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 12:57 AM
Response to Original message
16. you are absolutley correct what was I thinking
It was all on the news , fox and the others , all I had to do was pay attention and I would be relaxed and sleep nights . I can now ignore the start everytime a car alarm sounds off at 3am along with all the backfires and screams in the night . There is a mega church right down the coast , surely i can find peace and protection there , but wait , I've already donated to the Katrina efforts .
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2008 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 01:46 AM
Response to Original message
17. I don't need to calm down! You're the one who needs to calm down!


Why is always the other person who needs to calm down? Have you ever asked yourself that? Why don't you ask yourself that?
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NanceGreggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 08:23 AM
Response to Reply #17
19. I knew that.
What makes you think I wouldn't know that? Do I look like somebody who wouldn't know that!?!
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The Wizard Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 08:01 AM
Response to Original message
18. But you forgot to mention
the flag burning epidemic sweeping the nation. Without a flag burning Amendment we might go the way of the Third Reich. Ugh, never mind, Hitler made flag burning illegal as one of his frist (deliberate typo) edicts after seizing power.
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myrna minx Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 08:26 AM
Response to Original message
20. NanceGreggs, I just love your posts.
:toast:
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indepat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 08:30 AM
Response to Original message
21. Nancy, you are a treasure
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patricia92243 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 08:55 AM
Response to Original message
22. Whew! I feel soooo much better. NOW I can stop worrying knowing that ever
everything is hunky-dorey. :sarcasm:

PS Love your posts.
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Joanne98 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 10:31 AM
Response to Original message
23. Forgive me for being a "nattering nabob of negativism"!
Now that you've should me the "truth" I feel much better. lol
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JeffR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 11:17 AM
Response to Original message
24. Whew
And there I was all in a tizzy about what I thought was America going over a cliff.
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raccoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 11:24 AM
Response to Original message
25. Gosh, I hope you never go over to the Dark Side...

You'd make a good spin doctor for the Evil Ones!

Great post.
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No DUplicitous DUpe Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 02:30 PM
Response to Original message
26. Put me down for 1 Wow, 1 Kick, and 1 Recommend!

You are amazing (4000 posts)
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progressoid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 03:54 PM
Response to Original message
27. PEACHY POST!!
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Blue_In_AK Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 04:07 PM
Response to Original message
28. Delicious sarcasm, yet again, Nance
:yourock:
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ejbr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 04:26 PM
Response to Original message
29. Brava!!
All these Bush haters love to point out his significant, predictable miscalculations. Thank you for giving us an honest evaluation of our empor..I mean president's perfect record. ;-)
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DianaForRussFeingold Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 04:41 PM
Response to Original message
30. Thank you for putting everything into perspective,I feel so much better..
But what about Bird Flu?

(Orlando) The dreaded H5N1 bird flu has apparently claimed its first
celebrity victim. Disney spokesperson, Allyson Wanda Land, confirmed in an
early morning news conference in Orlando that Donald Duck, legendary Disney
performer, died in an Orlando hospital of acute respiratory problems late
last night. Although the cause of his death has yet to be confirmed by the
Center for Disease Control, all indications are that the veteran actor
succumbed to the H5N1 virus. Tissue samples have been sent to the CDC in
Atlanta for verification. Donald is survived by his nephews Huey and Louie. :cry:
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Spazito Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 05:19 PM
Response to Original message
31. Perfect, absolutely perfect!
You made me laugh at a time when I sorely needed it, thank you!
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oasis Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 05:22 PM
Response to Original message
32. Peachy keen. :-)
:woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:
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RUMMYisFROSTED Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 05:23 PM
Response to Original message
33. No. YOU calm down!
:D
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NanceGreggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 05:36 PM
Response to Reply #33
34. Nah, ah! YOU calm down!
I said it FIRST!!!!!
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ismnotwasm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 05:40 PM
Response to Original message
35. *Pulls out Zen for Dummies*
Calm...ing...Down...


(great post, BTW) :hi:
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Uncle Joe Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 05:55 PM
Response to Original message
36. NanceGreggs, you rock!
:yourock:

Thanks for the post

K & R
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im10ashus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 05:59 PM
Response to Original message
37. You should mail that to the White House.
They can read and decipher it while they rot in the big house.

Nominated!

:kick:
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twaddler01 Donating Member (800 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 08:49 PM
Response to Original message
38. Yay, everything is going to be okay
Edited on Fri Jul-14-06 08:51 PM by twaddler01
Gosh, and whats all this worry I have about my utility bills? And gas for my car? Sheesh, no worries...it will all be ok! :eyes:
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Lochloosa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 09:31 PM
Response to Original message
39. Damn...I was wrong all this time....thanks Nancy
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