We all know what a “plan” is. It’s some kind of scheme or method that you work out to accomplish something – like an objective. Right? It’s sort of a way to achieve a purpose, AND to know when you get there.
So when the President offered his new "plan" for the Iraqi war this week I was all ears. Finally Bush was going to unveil an actual plan for Iraq; a “National Strategy for Victory in Iraq”. I was all goose bumpily.
After listening to the President, and reading some analysis of his speech, and rereading some of his speech I had to come to this conclusion: I know what a plan is, and you know what a plan is, but the President – not so much.
I've actually taken "strategic planning" training in my life. I didn't like it - thinking about it makes my eyes roll back into my head - but I took it. When you do strategic planning you’ve really got to come up with a clearly defined purpose. And seriously – and I hope I’m not sounding too critical here - it can’t really keep changing all the friggin time. You really shouldn’t start out with a purpose like, for example, to stop a madman with nuclear weapons and a link to al-Qaeda from destroying our way of life and morph it into a series of other purposes – each one of which is a seeming less and less compelling reason to blow up a bunch of people. So the first thing to keep in mind is to stick to your clearly defined purpose.
Next there’s a bunch of other things you’ve got to do to have an effective strategic plan. There’s something about you’ve got to take “ownership” of your plan or some crap like that (editor’s note – the author is at this point making the international gesture for male masturbation). Then you have to communicate the goals and objectives of your plan to your constituents (without changing them every three months). And, you’ve got to make sure you make the most effective use of your resources. You’ve got to focus them on the key priorities. I mean this is not rocket science; you shouldn’t have to tell most people this. Still, obviously some people could use a review.
But here’s the really key stuff you’ve got to remember. You’ve got to come up with some sort of way to measure progress. You see, you don’t really have a plan if you can’t tell when you’re done. You have to come up with milestones, or some set of goals to reach or some time table to achieve.
Let’s say you decide to take over a sovereign country. Now, let’s further suppose that you mean to turn it over to its citizens so that they can build a westernized democracy or – perhaps more likely – an Iranian backed Shiite theocracy likely to destabilize the region for our lifetimes. You’ve got to set some milestones to shoot for. You might want to set a simple goal like for every Iraqi battalion trained we remove one American battalion within 30 days. Or perhaps for every oil field that falls into Iran’s hands we could shut down another SUV plant in Detroit. The options are really endless.
Obviously, from the speech I heard the President give the other day – GW doesn’t really understand this planning thing. I wonder if he ever had a grasp on this stuff. What was he like as a kid?
George H. W. Bush: “Georgie, do you have a plan yet to clean up your room? It’s been two and a half weeks.”
Young George W. Bush: “Yes Dad.”
George H. W. Bush: “Well, what’s your plan Georgie? That room is a disaster! Remember, if you want to get out of there and into a room of your own you have to help Neil get the room fixed up.”
Young George W. Bush: “Well, first I’d like to point out that the house painter was in my room last week and he said he was able to make real progress. He said it was hard work, but he was able to put on two coats of beige AND train Neil – who painted the closet. He said that in some undetermined amount of time he would be able to train Neil to paint the room on his own.”
George H. W. Bush: “But do you have a plan to get if finished? You said you had a plan. Jeb’s room is always clean. Why can’t you be more like Jeb?”
Young George W. Bush: “Well, Jeb is obviously gay Dad.”
George H. W. Bush: “Hey, you’re the one with the cheerleader outfit.”
Young George W. Bush: You just need to stay the course Dad – that room will be cleaned when it’s clean – and not a day sooner.”
So what about planning doesn’t GW get? Well, he seems to have that ownership crap down pretty good. But his grasp on the rest of it is tentative – and I’m being kind. Where’s the “Clearly defined purpose?” Where is the “measurable progress?” Give us a clue Georgie. Give us some idea when the last American has to die for your bone-head war.
The Blue Republic
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