Third Debate Affirms First Two: Keyes Wins Again (not The Onion)

[ozymandius]

CHICAGO, OCTOBER 26) -- Keyes 2004 campaign manager Bill Pascoe, reacting to Alan Keyes' clear win in tonight's second televised debate against Barack Obama, released the following statement:

"The third and final debate is over, and the score is clear: it's three straight wins for Alan Keyes and the voters of Illinois.

"Once again, Alan demonstrated that he is clearly in tune with the voters of Illinois, while Barack Obama is outside the mainstream: on issue after issue -- whether it was winning the war on terror, deciding how best to advance educational reforms to improve the schooling of our children, seeking and achieving energy independence, defending traditional marriage, or working to get better trade deals for our workers and farmers -- Alan showed his stuff, and the voters of Illinois are the better off for it.

http://www.keyes2004.com/news/041026press.php

I was about to say - "You just can't make this stuff up." But then, somebody did.

[ibegurpard]

1. There's spinning

and then there's just plain old insanity.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

2. Whatever they pay Pascoe to write that crap...

It just ain't enough.

[YouLiedTheyDied]

3. Obama is going to shred him

I hate Keyes! What a lying racist bastard!

[cubsfan forever]

5. Welcome to DU! n/t

Professor 2

[cubsfan forever]

4. Well, the rethugs tried to say that

Asshat won all three debates, or at least some of their surrogates tried that line of BS. Keyes is a serious whack-job.

Professor 2

[liberalhistorian]

6. ROFLMAO!

Jesus H. Christ on a raft, what fantasy island world do these idiots live in? Don't they know that their man is trailing Obama by oh, say, about five million percentage points? All Keyes does is rant and rave and ramble on and on about abortion and gays, and those aren't the issues most important in the lives of Illinoisans or any other American citizens, for that matter. What a hoot! I can't WAIT to see Keyes go down in flames like he so richly deserves, and I'm not even in Illinois!

[alcuno]

7. If Keyes gets 25% in Illinois, it will be a miracle.

Notice that Obama never even bothers to try and spin the debate win. It does not matter.

[dave502d]

8. Keyes has the Keyes.

That how he got out of the nut house.

[are_we_united_yet]

9. Actually there is some truth here:

"Alan showed his stuff, and the voters of Illinois are the better off for it."

There. Even DU'ers can't argue with that statement.

[DrBB]

10. Keyes pings a lot of my gay friends' gaydar

As a friend put it, "Oh I think he's a Friend of Dorothy, yes indeed."

There's a definite impression out there that he has, shall we say, unresolved issues.

I share this only in a spirit of bipartisanship and an interest in helping the poor guy find his way out of the darkness.

[Technowitch]

11. "Keyes also wins the craziest mofo who ever ran award"

[billyoc]

12. Wow. Pascoe probably got a personal congratulatory call

from his Dark Lord Rove for that furious spinjob.

on edit: I didn't actually *see* the debate, but would you really have to? :crazy:

[ozymandius]

15. That debate -

Imagine John Kerry versus Bullwinkle the Moose. Or JK versus Bush, for that matter.

[jab105]

13. I ADORE Obama, he is the most exciting thing to come out of the Democratic

convention...

[ISUGRADIA]

14. He can "win" the Debates...Obama will win the voters by

45-50 points on Tuesday.

[deadparrot]

16. This while Obama hovers at about 70-80% in polling?

[ozymandius]

18. Pascoe was paid to write this.

I forsee a stint at Saturday Night Live in his future.

[karlrschneider]

17. Well, the Onion may as well give up and fold, after this.

:D