The Truth of Bush "Lump": It Was Dick Cheney's Essence

[DrFunkenstein]

I know that there are alot of Christians and secular humanists here that may find the truth un-handle-able, but I have from sources within the Bush Campaign (cough Karen Hughes cough) that the mysterious "lump" was not, in fact, a receiver through which Bush was fed lines.

The truth is that Bush was carrying his Vice President's essence, that intangible lifeforce often confused for a soul, but actually is comprised of something more along the lines of one's "mojo." So, if you prefer, you could say that Bush brought Mr. Cheney's "mojo" with him to the debates.

The plan worked well during debate prep and it seemed that a debate victory was assured, but they had not counted on the volatility of Cheney's "mojo" when put in the same room as a strong liberal "mojo." The essence-pack began to run at dangerous levels, and Bush spent most of the night just trying to pacify the monster beneath his suit - hence the expression of restlessness and dismay on the commander-in-chief's face.

Were the essence-pack to fail, we could have seen a disaster the likes of which we haven't seen since Ghostbusters, or at least the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed and Bush was able to single-handedly stop the meltdown.

And that is why I am voting for George W. Bush this November.

[Arancaytar]

1. LOL!

I thought it might have been some kind of 'leech' parasite. Like a vampire or zombie that hooks onto people's backs, sucks their brain out and feeds on it.

The only reason why it is attached so strongly is because of the vacuum that resulted when it attempted to suck *'s brain.

But this essence thingie is also a likely theory.

[unfrigginreal]

2. delete

oops posted to wrong thread.

[ClassWarrior]

3. Wormtail-Voldemort 2004!

24.

[DrFunkenstein]

4. I Often Thought Osama Would Unwrap His Headdress...

To reveal Saddam Hussein's face on the back of his head, but only because Condi Rice said in December of 2002: "If you unwrap Osama's headdress, you will find he-who-shall-be-named-Saddam lurking as a grave and growing threat in the shape of a mushroom."

The White House corps was a little confused at the time, but they figured if the administration claimed it, it must be true.

[papau]

5. Bush's bulge has been around for a long time

Perhaps drug therapy?