*Flash* --Stick Removed From Bush Ass To Fit Spyware!...

[politicaholic]

St. Louis- The White House Secretary of Bathroom Security Wally Rumsfeld confirmed yesterday that a branch the approximate size of a flag pole was removed from the president's nether regions to make room for his square remote spyware box.

"In fact, I think the 'stick' still had a flag on it," said Secretary Rumsfeld as he arranged the hair tonic on the silver tray in the bathroom of the St. Louis Motor Inn where the president is staying. "As they were inserting the box, inbetween grunts, the President kept on saying 'they'll never see it there, I just need to remember not to bend down for anything...as if I could before!'"

The Spyware remote is about the size of a human male's fist. It will relay messages to a small earpiece inserted into the president's ear. It is intended to be a direct link to White House advisor Karl Rove so that the president can avoid thinking of what to say or avoid thinking all together.

Karl Rove was quoted as saying, "Testing, testing, wrong place, wrong time, wrong war...testing 123, flip flop, 123...".

This action is a direct response to what seems to be photographic evidence of a similar remote taped to the back of the president during the first debate. There are differences between the first one used and the one that will be used tonight.

"This one has got a long antenna," Said Secretary Rumsfeld as he folded strips of toilet paper into neat squares, "so they had to shove it way up in there. Lucky Bill Frist was around, he knows all about the president's anal cavity."

When questioned yesterday about this new developement White House Spokesman Scott McClellan said, "This is a complete fabrica...you know what? Ari Fliescher was right, I can't do this any more, I'm outa here. Rove is on his own with this one."

Upon further investigation we were able to contact Cornelius Rice, the sound engineer assigned to run the actual hardware. "We did a test run at a college townhall type meeting last night and it went quite smoothly until the very end when there was a break in reception. The president at that point gave a full weather report and then broke into the song 'Dream Weaver'. I was worried at first, but many of the staff and audience members walked away saying that is the most honest and informative speech the president has ever given, so I guess it worked okay."

Tonight's function begins at 9pm Eastern, 6pm Pacific in St. Louis in a townhall style debate. Many consider the last debate to be a Kerry victory, but according to Rice this debate could have a very different outcome, "...Especially if reception is broken by NPR, then maybe the president will use some facts. We'll just keep our fingers crossed I guess."

[wtmusic]

1. They need to do something less obvious

[cheshire]

2. Hysterical simply hysterical. Thank you

[politicaholic]

3. thanks!