Looney Theists of 2003 Awards

[Hokie]

From Usenet:

Well what a year 2003 was for loony theism. Who would have thought that the
2001 body count could ever be outstripped by religious nutcases? But with
the holy war cum Vietnam II, the loony theists, Christian, Jew and Muslim
alike can hold their heads up high knowing how much death and suffering they
have caused in the name of their favourite bloodthirsty super demon in the
sky. But also on the just plain insane, street level, Borg like religious
activity level, there are so many examples of vile fairy tale flinging, it
will be interesting to see if they can keep consistent in 2004. The voting
this year was very close, due to the smaller number of candidates... at one
stage it came down to one vote in all four categories. But we have official
winners and they are deserving, all of them. So without further
ado.....here are the official winners of THE FOURTH ANNUAL "PUT YOUR DOGMA
ON A LEASH" AWARD FOR THE LOONY THEIST OF THE YEAR.


THE USENET LOONY THEIST OF THE YEAR

Second runner up:
Last year's first runner up has dropped one place, perhaps because her
shtick is getting old and she needs new material...or perhaps her crayon
broke this year.

GEORGANN

First runner up:
In one of the closest contests, this vile little creature came close to
grabbing the ring, but sometimes hatred just isn't enough.

DUKE

The Winner of the Usenet Loony of the Year:

The pseudo scientific, fundo you all know so well...the man who has raised
stupid, stubborn fuckwittery to an art form...the man with the most
appropriate last name for someone who gives us all the shit.

"DR" JASON GASTRICH

Congratulations, shit for brains!



THE REAL LIFE LOONY THEIST OF THE YEAR

Second runner up:
The man who's mission statement was written in the twelfth century and has
"Holy Crusade" hi-lighted in fluorescent texta.

GENERAL BOYKIN

First runner up:
For the second year in a row, always a loony bridesmaid, never a loony bride
(still living in someone else's shadow, huh?)

GEORGE W BUSH JR

The Winner of the Real Life Loony Theist of the Year award:

The man who gives new meaning to the term "Christian Rock"..and he certainly
is a head banger.

ROY MOORE.

Congratulations, you fascist hypocrite.


THE LOONY THEIST GROUP/CULT/ORGANIZATION OF THE YEAR

Second runner up:
The church that takes the term "brainwashing" a little too seriously, yet
still can't seem to wash the dusty old cobwebs out of their own.

THE SOUTHERN BAPTISTS

First runner up:
Although they claim to be atheists, they worship creator alien beings, dress
like villains from the original Star Trek, have the ethics of Joseph Mengele
but it's alright because they are lying about what the do anyway but delude
only themselves into thinking they aren't. Send in the clones or shut the
fuck up.

THE RAELIANS

The Winner of the Loony Theist Group/Cult/Organization of the Year

For the first time in LTOTY awards, the defending champions have taken out
the award for a second year in a row. The clearest, most disturbing and
sickening example of all that is bad about religion. Although they are on
opposite sides, they are two halves of a very violent, very sickening whole.

THE GOVERNMENT OF ISRAEL/PLO, HAMAS AND OTHER PALESTINIAN SPLINTER GROUPS

Congratulations, you degradations of all humanity. You can pick up your
awards after you've all stopped gouging each others eyes out and killing
each others children.


THE LOONY THEIST EVENT OF THE YEAR

Second runner up:
Mother love is nothing when faced with Christian "love". After all, only
religion can cause someone to murder their own flesh and blood because you
want them to be happy in fantasy land.

THE TEXAS MOTHER WHO KILLED HER CHILDREN TO SAVE THEM

First runner up:
An example of the inbuilt bloodthirst of the general public. They believed
the lies, swallowed the transparent justification, ignored the deaths of
countless innocents, handed over the future of their country and praised the
holy fool who burned down a country to kill a termite that bit his Pa. The
holy crusade returns...and this time it's personal!!

THE WAR IN IRAQ

The Winner of the Loony Theist Event of the Year

Proof positive that the religious idea of "freedom" is to be shackled to a
big useless rock, but since it's the rock that most of the other people
chained to it think is the best, then everyone should be happy about being
connected to it...and fuck them if they don't. If they're not smart enough
to accept that slavery is freedom they need to be beaten down until they
accept it.

ROY'S ROCK

Congratulations to all those rabid fundos who think that civil rights are
pieces of paper that need a big heavy stone paper weight to stop them
blowing off into sin and heathenism.



Well...that's it people. It's all over for another year. I would like to
thank all of you for taking the time to nominate and vote. Hope you had
some fun. The nominations for the 2004 awards are only 11 months away, so
keep your eyes open for those who you think deserve to have their looniness
recognized by these prestigious awards. Thank you.