What is wrong with me?

[coloradodem2005]

Okay, so I go to this Guiness event downtown, through www.meetin.org. This event was not exclusively limited to this group. Well in line I talked to a group of guys. We seemed to be getting along. The thing is, when they sat down at a table, they said they were waiting for a couple other people, so, I am totally on my own. I had some food and some Guinness and then I looked around and felt so lost in the shuffle. I was so overwhelmed that I just left. What is wrong with me? In the past, I have made so many mistakes.

I am just totally unhappy with my life. I can't find a job. I live at home with my parents, I have a nonexistent social life. Women hate me. I am not getting along with my mother. I feel as though I am mad at her about things and whenever I try to discuss it, it comes out in the wrong way or she does not want to listen. I have spent nearly 22 years in Colorado and I just feel like I am accumulating baggage.

[camero]

1. You and me both

I know how that is in your last paragraph. As your life gets better you'll feel better but you need to relax first. Just let things come to you instead of you going to it.

[coloradodem2005]

3. What things will come to me?

People tell me I got to get out there. I have been hiding away for so long, that I have been looking for a way to get back out. Help me.

[camero]

4. Just let things happen to you

That's about the simplest way I can put it. Getting out more is a start. Revel in the experiences good and bad. Soak up the good and learn from the bad. Another way I trick my brain so to speak is to think good thoughts when I'm starting to get down on myself.

[coloradodem2005]

24. I just don't think things will get better.

I have lost my faith in everything I ever believed in.

[camero]

26. It will get better

This too will pass. Just as there is good in life there is also bad.
My mom would always say that when I got a job things would get better. She was right. They did for the most part.

Plus I came to realize that the happiest moments were because of the simplest things. Fresh snow. Time spent with good people. My dogs and cats. Little things.

I know what you're going through. It's the once bitten twice shy thing. But you can't give up. You just have to keep cracking at it.

[BostonTeaParty04]

2. Call a homeless shelter first thing tomorrow

and volunteer to help serve the Easter meal.

The glow you have inside will radiate out to the whole world and the world will smile right back at you. I swear to God.

Not sure about the issue with your mom, but a good place to start when communication is bad is to just talk about how much you wish the communication was better. That's the first step. IMHO.

Hope you feel better.

[coloradodem2005]

9. The problem is...

...in many ways I died on January 31, 2003. Meaning that my light died. You know, I wanted to dedicate my life to helping people, I wanted to be a teacher. I don't want to go into the details too much. But some people in that profession really screwed me over. I will never teach again.

[BigMcLargehuge]

12. have you considered writing?

it's really cathartic. I write everyday and I haven't ended up in a clocktower with a high powered rifle. Fiction lets you create any situation you like, populate it with whomever you want, then torture them endlessly like a Greek God.

It's great and always makes me feel better.

[BostonTeaParty04]

hmmmm, so, we need to make a silk purse, eh?

Okay, let's think outside the box.

Sounds like you got extricated from mainstream teaching (which we will call the most obvious box).

Could you brainstorm about all the different things people need to be taught, and the conditions they need to be taught in? For example, people with brain injuries need to learn how to read again, in many cases.

Or, it sounds like you want to leave Colorado. What about the Peace Corps? Or there is another group (a lot like peace corps, but takes less time to get approved to go, I think). I think it is called Save the Children? (racking my brain here... probably have that wrong).

Goodness, you could go to another country and teach English as a 2nd language. Japan is always a hot ESL spot. You can take a 6 week continuing education course ($50 or so) at a community college to get credentialed!)

Not sure if this helps, but it is outside the box. Think about all the ways a person TEACHES, and see where if any new dreams come up for you.

As for the social thing, dude, I have been there (like you in the bar), and you feel like a FOOL standing there, like you stick out like a sore thumb. You just have to tell yourself that you aren't sticking out; it's an inside job. I just bet there were other solitary people there, but you didn't see them, because you were focused on your self, understandably.

I have to tell you, I have a dog. And a stroll through any park on a sunny day or down a pedestrian urban area ALWAYS connects me to interesting people. Not just for a babe magnet (but puppies are good for that)... but dogs just make people want to approach you. BUT, if you are moving, not a good time to get a dog. But, you can always be a foster parent to an animal from the humane society. Oh yeah.

You sound really stuck. And you sound rather young. Don't give up. If your light were really dead, you would be dead. There is just a cloud blocking the light. But ya gotta get outside the box ....

[coloradodem2005]

17. But I don't want to teach.

I have lost the desire to teach and I certainly feel dead.

[coloradodem2005]

20. I am 24. Young, but too old for this.

In a way I am dead.

[BostonTeaParty04]

25. depression does feel like a walking death

It really does.

And you can bet that friends and girls and potential new friends pick up on it. Not that you should get happy for them, but try to think about your own life and people you have met. Can you maybe remember a time when you came upon a new person and for some reason, you just didn't want to be around them? That might be what happened at the Guiness event.

Anyhow, 24 year olds are not dead! Depressed, maybe. I agree with some of the other posters here: get an appt with a doc as soon as you can (arrange it Monday!). Of course, awhile back, I tried a natural anti-depressant -- St. John's Wort in capsule form. But I hate to recommend it because there are these warnings about it (don't take with any pain relievers... bad chem combo). And don't take it if you take any other medicines. It was a life saver for me. 2 tablets in the morning with my breakfast, and I just felt a bit lighter.

Sorry for the recommendations about teaching alternatives. You said it was what you had wanted to do for your whole life. If that is true, I wonder if when you take care of what must surely be depression that you will find that passion to teach? Maybe that dream is not dead.

You sound like you are really extra uncomfortable today (at a breaking point). Walk slow, drink lots of water, get good sleep, stay away from SUGAR and alcohol and beef up on proteins, and just take it real easy on yourself in the coming days. Holidays, even Easter, play havoc on our emotions!!

[BigMcLargehuge]

10. aint that the truth!

I am cooking for a local homeless shelter on Easter morning. I can't wait.

[BostonTeaParty04]

19. Hoo Yah, then you are my Easter Hero!

:-)

The homeless - OMG -- my heart goes out to them more than any oppressed group on earth. To be so alive (in most cases) and to be so disconnected from the world that most people live in. Like invisible people. No one should feel that. No one.

[BigMcLargehuge]

22. all I do is make them hearty home-made soup

fresh bread, and any number of stick-to-your ribs vegetarian meals on Sundays. Sometimes I bring clothes for them to take if they need or want them. I wish I could do more.

[BostonTeaParty04]

27. Hearty soup and good bread --

That is the food of unconditional love and tender loving care. And you do it every Sunday? That makes me so happy.

As for doing more? We all do what we can do when we can do it. Or that should be the goal for all of us, at least.

A very happy easter to you!

[havocmom]

16. Good advice for anyone who needs to re-aim their life

Thanks, BostonTeaParty04! Welcome to DU. :toast:

OK, some random thoughts from an older, almost-former-shy-person to the original post:

A) Stop thinking in terms of "what's wrong with me". Chances are you are not so different from most of us. Many of us just don't take to superficial jive and it makes it difficult to make connections initially. You may be a tad different from the masses, but be honest, take a hard look at the masses. Do you really want to fit right in with what passes for 'normal' in our society?

B) Don't think you will change your world with one outing. Change is evolution, takes time and opportunity. Perhaps you can create more opportunities for evolution to take place. Is hanging out in a pub what really interests you? What does interest you? Don't know? At your tender age, there is plenty of time to try different things. Test activities and fields to find out where your interests do lie. And realize your interests are very likely to change and evolve with time.
Give yourself the benefit of time to investigate, sample and compare.

C) When you find some areas that intrigue you, work on activities in those areas. You will grow as an individual and might just come into contact with others whom share your interests. Again, try and try again; do not expect one or even a dozen outings to be a magic bullet.
Just let your self grow and experience some of the aspects of life.

D) Make friends with yourself. This is very hard for many of us. Treat yourself as well as you would treat a dear friend. Sometimes that means you have to exercise a bit of tough-(self)love. Sometimes it means letting yourself cry on your own shoulder. Always it means to take good care of yourself on a deep level. Work at it. Takes time. I had to put 3x5 index cards up all over my apartment after a nasty divorce left me feeling completely devalued. Had to constantly remind myself and since I am dense, I had to work very hard to change.

There is a book which helped me more than anything. It is called Beyond Negative Thinking Gave away my copy and cannot recall the author, but suggest looking for it. It is a road map for a route to a better life.

Best of luck to all. Trust this old woman, you can find nitches in life. Just remember that the way things are now is not how they will always be. Live, learn, taste life. It pays off.

[NewHampster]

5. Another Time I'd Say - Join the Navy

Get away, see the world, serve your country, make friends and be forced to learn how to make your way in the world.

Wish I'd done it, then I wouldn't still be socially inept like you describe.

[coloradodem2005]

6. How would the navy improve that.

[NewHampster]

7. Everyone I know that served

Said the main thing they got out of it was self discipline followed by the ability to deal with other people.

You are taught how to get along with those you live with.

[NewHampster]

8. and the Navy is the safest

[Miss Authoritiva]

11. Please don't groan, but have you thought about counseling?

The great thing about talking with a counselor is that he/she is NOT a family member, NOT a colleague or coworker, NOT a "friend" friend. Sometimes you need to talk with someone from outside your world to get a better idea of what's going on inside in your world.

[Lisa0825]

15. Exactly what I was going to say.....

Even though you are out of work, you should be able to find ways to get free or very cheap counseling. Most states have a mental health system that gives free services. If even Texas has one (and we are at or near lowest in funding), then I would bet there is an agency in Colorado. Also, there is an organization here called the Houston Area Women's Center, and they provide free counseling to anyone who has been a victim of any kind of abuse. They also provide referrals or assistance to men as well. (I had to look up your profile to see which gender you are) I know they have affiliates in other states, because a friend found her counselor that way when she moved. another resource... if your state has the equivalent of the Texas Rehabilitation Commission, they provide free services to people with a variety of circumstances, including people suffering with depression.

I went to a psychiatrist several years ago, and it really helped me come to grips with the dynamics of my relationship with my mom. So, even if you don't think you are clinically depressed, or have some doubts about mental health treatmenhts, stigma, etc, just consider the possibility that having an objective outsider to talk to about family dynamics and relationships can really be enlightening. I learned a lot about myself, and also practical advice I still apply in certain situations today.

[Insider]

13. sounds very much like me

change colorado to maryland. counseling is helpful. and it sounds hokie, but remember what is good. the gratitude list helps me when my dark side takes over.

good luck in making the right choices for yourself.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

14. It sounds as if you're depressed, because

depression makes you unable to see solutions for your problems.

I second or third the suggestion about getting counseling so that you can start looking at your life objectively.

Meanwhile, volunteer to help other people and make sure you get some exercise every day.

[Deja Q]

18. It's a small universe...

I know where you're coming from.

I've taken a different path. I've slowly learned to accept my shortcomings and found things to do on my own.

Find something to get addicted to, a hobby. Like DU or good television - when it comes to good television, 99% of American shows instantly disqualify; which is why there's British television...

And a hobby outside the domicile as well, or you'll end up like me. :scared: I'm into photography; I'm hoping to get a few choice shots this year... fortunately, people don't care for talking to strangers (I wonder where they get that idea from...) so I never get bothered. But NEVER go to bad neighborhoods, you'll probably get your gear nicked... I nearly lost my car once to a swindler because I was starving for a friend... Humans are swine and scum, you've got to learn to cope and live alone. That's what I had to do...

[DEMVET-USMC]

21. You may want consider PRIMAL THERAPY

It sounds to me that you may have some serious unrsolved pain going back to your chidhood or possibly earlier, as in BIRTH PAIN OR EVENT PREBIRTH PAIN. Arthur Janov discusses these and so much more in his differnt books regarding PRIMAL THERAPY. Primal therapy is probably not for a lot of people. But it is the only way I have ever learned of to actually cure mental disorders as opposed to simply coping with them. Very simply stated the process involves going back and feeling would get results. I doubt PRIMAL THERAPY will make you a " HAPPY " person. It does put you very much in touch with reality when it`s successfull. For what it`s worth I did have an active sex life with the women in the therapy group I was involved with.......Oscar

[Zorra]

23. Try reading this book. It has some interesting ideas.

Your Erroneous Zones : Step-By-Step Advice for Escaping the Trap of Negative Thinking and Taking Control of Your Life.
By Dr. Wayne Dyer

Good luck, I hope you feel better soon.

[jpgray]

28. Get a crappy job, move out of your mom's

You know you have to do it, and I think that knowledge is what is sinking your ship. There are ALWAYS jobs. The thing to do is work 9 to 5 LOOKING for a job. Heck, you can apply at Manpower, Prostaff and another temp agency in one day, and you can hit all the department/book stores the next day, and all the record/art/music stores the next day. There are ALWAYS jobs out there, though many may be total crap. The key is to always be looking, and lo and behold you will always find something eventually. :hi:

I think your insecurity around women and general misanthropy has a lot to do with living at home. I did it for a Summer after my 'Lost Semester' and I almost went insane. :D While it isn't the case that women are totally shallow, they won't have much respect for you in your current situation. :(

[coloradodem2005]

29. And they would have respect for a person working a shit job?

On that salary, I couldn't afford to live away from home. In many ways the job search is depressing. I am trying to get into grad school. I know what you said about knowledge but I need to have a carreer. As for what you said about women, they are shallow. I'm sorry.

[jpgray]

30. Hell YES you can get women with a crappy job!

Searching for a job is like asking women out--if you take rejection hard it's going to take some willpower, because you WILL be rejected a few times. :D There will always be excuses to avoid the job search, but there are no real reasons. I live in a cavernous 'efficiency' (700 sq ft, two floors) for about $600, and eating only what I cook I still have some cash left over for savings after paying for school. So it can be done, and I am living proof. Living with my parents for an extended period (especially my mom, no problem on her part) would be demeaning on a level that working a crappy job could never be. If I guess your hangup correctly, you have to stop worrying about losing your dignity and self-image in the search and just focus on getting the damn job that will improve both.

I used to avoid the job search myself with the flimsiest excuses--I remember telling my friends that I couldn't look for a job one day because none of my nice shirts were clean. :D I was never happier than when I actually started rolling, and SERIOUSLY looking for a job with every free hour I could spare. It got easier and easier with practice.

[Lisa0825]

31. Don't paint us all shallow, hon.... there's enough shallow to cover both

genders... I think sometimes when the rest of your life feels like shit, it makes everything look worse. I have met the worst people in my life when my life was at its worst.

I think you should really consider the suggestions above regarding therapy, or perhaps at least some self-help, herbal rememdies, or even just regular exercise (proven to lift mood as well).

All that said, I know from experience that you won't get help until you reach the decision on your own. Best wishes to you, from one who has been there.

[gauguin57]

32. been there

Colo, while coping with each of the two great depressions of my young life, I found a job. And the gray fog started to lift each time, and the act of working, of being in a workplace with other people, of feeling useful, of making my own money so I could pay for my own little apartment, of making a contribution to society ... all these things helped melt the blue funk after a few short months. It'll take a bit of time, but be patient.

You're 24. Herman Melville (a pretty darned accomplished guy) told Nathaniel Hawthorne, "... Until I was twenty-five, I had no development at all. From my twenty-fifth year I date my life…”. I really felt that way ... I was a completely clueless Philistine until I was 25; and I felt like I really didn't have my priorities straight and TRULY have a clue till I was about 34. So baby, you have plenty of time. The volunteer idea is great ... you'll meet kindred spirits when you get involved in groups you feel strongly about. There are often agencies in each town that keep lists of volunteer opportunities ... look in the blue pages of your phone book (how appropriate) and call the volunteer line, explain your interests, and maybe they can match you to the perfect group.

But if the psychic pain is really, really gnawing at you, so you can't get out of bed or function or move forward, get a recommendation of a good counselor/therapist. You need to talk to a professional.

[coloradodem2005]

35. Good but...

...getting a bad job would not help me. I have been there and I hated it. It was okay for a while. But, when you go through college hoping for something worthwhile, sometimes a job you hate or are not good at could be just as bad as no job.

Which reminds me of another reason I am sooo pissed at Shrub. The fact that it tells me that I am smart, I have a college degree and could do something worthwhile and I am stuck at fucking Wal-Mart? It just does not speak to the worth of a person at all especially me.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

56. As I said yesterday, cd, you're depressed

and you need to get some counseling to get to the bottom of it and start getting rid of it.

Any woman with any sense will instinctively shy away from a man who has emotional problems.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

33. First of all, you picked the wrong venue...

I know it probably sounds odd that I would say that; but the fact is that an event like that is probably going to attract more new people than you really want to deal with, unless you're a social butterfly; and your posts don't seem to indicate that you are.

I think you need to be looking at smaller groups of people...maybe only one or two at a time...so you won't suffer from sensory overload, if you know what I mean. And I'd avoid drinking with them until you get to know them at least a little, to avoid having your impressions of each other clouded by alcohol.

I notice from your profile that you enjoy hiking. You must have several local groups that meet regularly. Joining one, you'll find you have things in common with others to chit chat about at least. As you become more comfortable with people, you'll be able to figure out who you can trust with the more intimate details of your life.

You're probably having difficulty with your mom because you are so unhappy living at home. Your mom may be having difficulty with this as well, causing even more friction between you two...not that she doesn't love you. Maybe if you got a job, your folks would be willing to help you partially with your rent and expenses. Have you thought about asking them?

Lastly, I suspect you need to focus less on "what's wrong with" you, (as if you were some sort of freak of nature) and more on what you can do to make your life happier; because everybody has unhappy times during their lives. There are some great suggestions here in this thread from a lot of kind caring people...That's one thing you have to be glad about right now...

Lastly and finally...:hug: I hope you're out of your funk soon...:hug:

[coloradodem2005]

34. I know that I sound negative...

...but it just doesn't seem like things will get better. I am not a social butterfly, but I do want to meet new people. It is just upsetting that it has become so scary. Partly because I have made mistakes and partly because bad things have happened.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

36. What kind of bad things?

Counseling can help you explore new possibilities while dealing with your fears at the same time.

But of course, you really have to want to deal with your apprehension, and not hide from it. If you choose to accept the task of healing yourself, you'll find it's an interesting adventure.

You might also want to get a good physical exam to ensure that there are no medical reasons for your depression. Hypothyroidism and anemia are only a couple of conditions that effect the psyche.

[coloradodem2005]

37. Well...

...a couple of times I got really drunk and it made a bad impression. While I have not stopped drinking all together, I really have backed off. I have not been drunk in over 9 months.


On other occaisions, I would approach and hang out with new people, but would get ditched and told that they were a little scared off by me. This is on a different occasion than drinking too much. After what happened to me during 2003, the absolute worst year of my life, and even 2002, I have become gunshy and even skiddish about new people. Because I really don't want to make a bad impression, but some things that have happened, even when I was at my best, simply talking, telling jokes and not being vulgar, stupid or negative have backfired on me.

This is what I fear. I feel I deserve better than this treatment and I really do not want to be kicked in the teeth, so to speak.

[JVS]

38. The problem is that life sucks and so do people

Mothers generally don't like it when they see their sons giving off that "Norwegian Bachelor farmer" vibe. This can sometimes lead to conflict within the family, especially in close quarters. Here are some questions to see if you are throwing that vibe.

Is regret a common emotion?

Are you withdrawn from your friends, or have you cast them off because they are too annoying to put up with?

Do you feel a need to escape your surroundings for the purposes of either acheiving something good or just so that nobody you know will witness the embarrassing thing known as your life?

Do you find it easier to greet people with a glare than a smile?

When people ask if you've been drinking lately is your response something along the lines of "I really am not in any kind of mood for drinking lately"?

Do you enjoy driving for long periods of time to get out of the house, but then once you are out in the open prefer to stay in your car rather than actually do something?

[coloradodem2005]

40. Well, as for your questions...

1. Regret has only been common since 1-31-2003.

2. I try to keep in contact with my friends. I don't always make the effort I should, but I am trying to reconnect with friends.

3. No I do not feel the need to escape my surroundings except when something bad happens, though that question is vague.

4. Sometimes, especially when times are bad. The problem is, I don't smile enough. Sometimes because I am pissed and other times because I like being serious, but I have made a real effort to look pleasent and I like to shoot the breeze and tell jokes.

5. Maybe, but nobody has asked me that question. I would probably tell them that I have been trying to lay off so I don't make a total fool out of myself.

6. I would rather be in someplace doing something. A bar, a bookstore, a coffee shop, something. I like driving, but that gets tedious.

Feel free to draw your conclusions.

[JVS]

42. You still seem to want to socialize, that's good

1. I'm not going to pry about what the source of number one is other than to ask was it about achieving a goal for which you had sacrificed and truly given of yourself?

2. Sounds good, but why the difficulty in reconnecting? When and why was there a disconnect?

3. You said you wanted to leave Colorado, why?

4. Once more I see that you still want to keep the happy and sociable thing going.

5. You would tell them that it is not to make a fool of yourself, but is that the real reason?

6. This sounds healthy. In my experience driving around and just looking at stuff along the way is one of the most effective brooding techniques. It is good that you want to actually do things.

[coloradodem2005]

50. okay..

1. I don't want to elaborate on too much. I had felt regret previous to that, but that was only intermittent.

2. Some of my friends live in Boulder. Also, with some of the things that went on with me personally, I lost the will to communicate.

3. I just have been through some negatives here, I am ashamed of the politicians we have elected, have soo much baggage. Furthermore, everybody says Denver oozes sex. It has not benefitted me at all.

5. It is because of that. I have made such a fool of myself when drunk. I don't want to be like that anymore.

[Chicago Democrat]

39. Get a dog

I like dogs. As for women and sex, after age 40 the madness subsides.

[coloradodem2005]

41. I like dogs too.

I used to have them. they are theraputic. I don't know what you mean about madness. If you mean it in a positive way, I cannot wait that long, if you mean it in a negative way, then god help me.

[LiviaOlivia]

43. I love Denver. It oozes sex. The air is magnetic.

You can do it. What schooling do you have? Go back to school, in the old days church was the place to meet like-minded people. School is the place now. Enroll at Metro or Arapahoe. There are lot of good schools in Colorado. If your parents won't pay or get a loan go talk to an admissions counselor. Meet people in a sober environment. Think of yourself first. What do you want as a career? The military (as was mentioned) might be a option. Try at all costs to get away from your parents.

[HEyHEY]

44. Really ? Denver? - Are the girls there easy too?

Seriously though, these are things I, or no one else can answer. Just don't give up, you don't wanna be a quitter do ya?

[LiviaOlivia]

45. I am going to bite my tongue when I think of what

The BIG OIL Canadians did to Denver in the 1980's. I can't remember
what Canadian oil company bought and tore down the Historic Cosmopolitan Hotel. It's a fucking parking lot now. I will never forget that place. There was a Trader Vic's off the lobby where one could drink "Screaming Bastards" or huge rum bowls with gardenias floating atop.

[HEyHEY]

46. I'll go one an Edmonton limb

And blame Peter pocklington

[LiviaOlivia]

47. Hey, back to your original question

I don't know about "girls" because I like boys. But Denver is and has
always been a great place to meet people. There has always been a Calgary-contingent around Denver. I remember a lot of Canadians in Denver.

[HEyHEY]

48. that's cause they all wanna be coloradans

disregard, just satisfying the Vancouver urge to pick on Calgarians. Buncha fucks.

[coloradodem2005]

49. Really?

Then how come it is so difficult for me? I feel so anxious and whenever I try, I get kicked to the curb.
I am trying to go back to school at CU Denver, to get a master's.


As for Denver, I have lived in the Denver-Boulder area for nearly 22 years and I ain't been getting a piece of the pie. If it oozes sex so much, how come I don't benefit from it?

[Chicago Democrat]

57. Romantic Love is an Unrealistic goal and a Recipe for Disaster..

for many in Western Culture. This unrealistic search for romance and 'the one' will only lead to disappointment and frustration for all of those many, many, many people who for many reasons will never find a partner. The Dali Lama discusses this in great detail in the book "The Art of Happiness", which I would recommend highly.

Our youth culture and obsession with sex is very bad and leads to much unhappiness. Everyone gets old and our bodies mature, so by unrealistic images in peoples minds as to what is sexy it makes all the ordinary people look and feel ugly. In actuality everyone is beautiful and everyone is worthy of love. But its so easy to be mean to a smelly old homeless man, and so easy to be nice to a beautiful happy person who is fashionable. The way to overcome this problem is through compassion. Compassion for yourself, compassion for others; actually put yourself in the position of the other person in all situations and first just be aware of it. This is the best way establish a connection with another person.

Now sex is a whole different matter. The sexual impulse is like insanity. It is animal and visceral and probably the strongest urge in young people. I would say that you should consider hiring a prostitute, if its driving you that crazy, which it obviously is. That way you just get it out and start releasing all of this pent up energy. If you can't do that, then try to meet a slutty girl. Doing that all the time or often is bad too. But these people are available if you have the courage to do it.

In order to be happy in life we first need to be happy in and with ourselves. We truly have to love ourselves first before any love can happen with anyone else. So I would advise to try to love yourself a whole bunch first. Buying a hot hooker could be part of that. Do not become addicted to prostitutes! But I think one good experience might be enough to get you back in the swing of things. Slutty girls are everywhere!! They are cheap. Make sure they are at least 18. If this still doesn't work, than I guess there is porn, but that just is the worst. The worst sex with a real person beats the best sex alone, any day.

So good luck lonely dude. I recently went back to school and boy is that the place to meet people.

Sexual urges start to diminish (slightly) as you get older which is something to look forward to.

[Zero Division]

51. In the same post-college funk myself

Lost my last (5th) year of college, when I was going for the anthropology part of my degree (definitely my preferred path over Management Info. Systems--what can I say, financial security was very tempting) to problems with anxiety, the awful motivation-killing effects of the Paxil I was taking for my anxiety attacks, and then the depression that set in once I noticed how badly things were going.
On top of all that I too am quite introverted and 2 of my best friends have been/were on different continents (one just got back and is looking for a job in Chicago and I'm afraid she's hesitant to talk to me much because of how negative I've become--or perhaps she's just busy trying to find a job, who knows).

I managed to graduate with a degree in MIS, but I just can't seem to shake the funk I'm in enough to get out there and start effectively looking for a job. I had a temporary job for a while that made me feel better, but once that was over I began to fall into the funk again. I'm afraid to try chemical medication because of my experiences with Paxil and I think my depression comes mostly from my situation (although clinical depression is very common in my immediate and extended family). I know I'll have better success motivating myself into finding a good job if I can just get rid of this ever-present cloud of negativity. The friend that has returned did suggest a hypnotherapist that helped another friend of hers in a similar situation, so I'm going to do my best to get that set up. I've been trying to escape from everyone and everything for too many months now.

If I let the fact that I've never had a relationship with a woman get to me now (it's hard to believe that I've continued to be so damn shy even after my teen years,but that's just the way it is), I'd be in even worse shape, so I try to just forget about it or tell myself that any woman who wants to be with me in the future will just have to be compassionate and understanding enough not to think of me as a freak because I've had zero experience. It'd be bad to be with anyone who acted otherwise, anyway.

Anyway I think the first step you need to take is to realize that everything seems so completely f'ed up and hopeless primarily because you're depressed. I'm not saying your situation has nothing to do with it, but having the capability for hope is the first necessity. Your reality may be far from ideal, like mine, but you've got to find a way to see the possibility for something better.

[coloradodem2005]

52. THe job part is even worse because...

...of the Bush economy. I cannot believe that a looser like him became president (elected or not). I would hope that most women would not think I am a freak because I have never been with anybody.

[gpandas]

53. nothing wrong with you,

you gotta realize that everybody wants a 'piece of the rock' and you need to start fighting for your share. do something, even if it is wrong

[coloradodem2005]

54. What do you mean by wrong?

[gpandas]

55. wrong

in the sense of the original post, also in the sense that a lot of people have these problems

[buddhamama]

58. having read some of your previous posts

i'd say you are accumulating baggage and suffering from low-esteem.

it might be playing itself out by producing in you feelings of doubt about yourself; your abilities, where you're going and, you're taking 'everyday' life occurrences too seriously.

time away is what i'd recommend, from your house most definitely
and from social situations,for now.

when we are down we tend to expect, on the one hand too much from ourselves and others, and at the same time we're pessimistic-
self-fulfilling prophecies.
how you're feeling about yourself is sending out vibes, whether you recognize or acknowledge it, it is true.
if you're not comfortable, especially with yourself, people know.

find a way to relax, meditate and just enjoy the moment.
get outside, walk...you don't need to necessarily spend your time "thinking" about your issues, you need to let go in a sense and feel alive. It doesn't cost anything either. Allow your mind to explore the little things you might have forgotten can give you so much pleasure.
take a blanket, a book whatever and head to the nearest 'lovely' spot. listen to sounds, breath in the fresh air etc etc.
i can almost guarantee you'll feel better too, if you start to do this on a regular basis. Also, keep in mind that you're young still.
There are no laws stating that you need to be in a relationship at 23, or living on your own etc.
You're placing Those requirements, expectations onto yourself.
if you could somehow fight that urge, and tweak your thinking a little, that too, will make a world of difference.

Be Well.
Peace.

[DietVanillaCoke]

59. Hi

What has helped me when I have entered into depressive funks and found myself isolating tremendously, is to start very little and work my way up in regard to upping my social interactions. I start by walking and enjoying a beautiful day, chit-chatting with old friends whom I've not talked to for a while because of my isolating behaviors, gone to the movies or out to dinner with them, get involved with activities in which you can't help but to meet people...

I think you should keep pursuing finding a job. What kind are you looking for? What about college or technical school?

[LeftCoast]

61. Hi DietVanillaCoke! Welcome to DU!

:hi:

That was a very nice post. Welcome!

[DietVanillaCoke]

64. Hiah!

Thank you!

[Tom_Foolery]

60. You've received a lot of GREAT advice...

But it's up to you to do it. As several people have mentioned, I've been where you are; and I still fall prey to depression almost daily. I don't let it take over my life. Step into the world. Believe me, my friend, you are a valuable person.

[Logansquare]

62. Oh, 24 was one of the worst years in my life

I had finished college, but blew the only good interview I had. Moved back in with Mom & Dad in an economically depressed little town and stayed in bed sleeping for weeks. Fought with my Mother continually, and caused my *Dad* to burst into tears. Got a crappy job, socialized with losers, dated a loser I met at work (who raped me after an all-night bender), got another (safer) crappy job, and felt more and more like something scraped off the bottom of a shoe. After a year and a half of this shit I somehow snapped out of it and moved to Chicago and struggled to survive. But you know what? I had my dignity, which was more than I had when I was living with Mom & Dad, and that's really something. Don't look for some magic bullet that will make you appealing to people--most friendships are circumstantial, especially among young people. You end up as roommates, or living across the hall, or you meet walking your dogs, and you talk about your dogs for a while and don't get into personal stuff right away. If you can possibly swing it, move somewhere where you can get some roommates and not have the stigma of living with your parents. Believe me, women are much more turned off by guys who live with their folks than they are by personal poverty. And don't talk about how much you hate yourself...tell girls you are a "shy guy." Girls love converting "shy guys."

[coloradodem2005]

66. Well, the thing about home is...

...My dad may be going on sabbatical out of town next year. I may not move out per se, just to look after his place while he is gone. Some women supposedly understand that I live at home though maybe they don't. So, I may have a place for a year that could be my default bachelor pad. Beyond that I would hope to move out by summer/fall 2005. Does that sound good?

[Fridays Child]

63. It sounds like you're depressed and possibly...

...suffering from social anxiety disorder. If I were experiencing the level of pain that you describe, I'd seek professional help. Therapy and even medication can help. In the meantime, get outside of yourself, before everything closes in on you.

I would suggest that you take at least a few hours each month to do two kinds of volunteer work. First, get involved in your local Kerry for President campaign or another political effort. You'll meet like-minded people and interact with them in a structured setting while getting to know them personally, as well. It's a very low-anxiety way to make friends. Second, volunteer at a charity that helps people less fortunate than you--a center for abandoned children, a homeless shelter, Big Brothers, etc. It will have a profound effect not only on how you think of yourself but on how you apprehend the world, too.

Good luck. You'll be okay. I know because I've been where you are.

[Obamarama]

65. You need help. Get it!

I'm not trying to be glib or flippant. You really do need the help of a mental health professional to help yourself snap out of the psychological and emotional rut you are in.

From what I can tell from your posts is that a lot of your feelings stem from whatever major, negative event occurred in your life in January 2003. It's been 14 months and you apparently have not moved on with your life. That is reallllly unhealthy, and a clear cut sign that you may well be clinically depressed.

Comments like "I feel dead" also point to clinical depression. Accepting that you are clinically depressed and then deciding to do something about it is pretty heavy. But, you seem to be tired of feeling the way you do and seem to want to do something to change your circumstances. That's a positive sign, because all the therapy or counseling in the world won't do you any good unless you're open to it.

It also sounds like you have indulged in some alcohol abuse in the past as well. You said you haven't been drunk in 9 months, which would lead one to believe that in the not so distant past, it wasn't an uncommon thing for you to go on a bender. This is also a big, red flag.

Please see a professional. You sound like a nice, intelligent guy and I suspect once you get through whatever funk you are in, you're gonna do okay, but some things you just can't do alone. It's no longer a social stigma to seek help for depression, anxiety, etc... so don't let that stop you.

If you're unable to afford one, call your local community mental health agency, or call your local crisis line and they should be able to put you in touch with a professional agency that will work on a sliding scale based on your ability to pay.

The sooner you make the move, the sooner you'll be able to start living your life more fully. I wish you luck. Keep us in the loop.

[coloradodem2005]

67. My benders...

happened over a two year period from 2001 to 2003. Sometimes I did it because I was depressed. Other times, I just felt like partying. I just made an ass of myself and realized that that was not the way to go. I think that is progress.

[Obamarama]

68. Yeah, it is..but I still think you need to see a professional.

What do YOU think? Is seeking professional help something you would consider?