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The funniest TWILIGHT review you'll read (Warning: Vulgar)

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DerekG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-26-11 04:51 PM
Original message
The funniest TWILIGHT review you'll read (Warning: Vulgar)
This is hysterical...

(snip)

If Twilight is considered cinema, then Busty Nurses 9 is too. Sure both happen on screen, but the screen is secondary. Its your own reaction you crave. Everybody knows what will happen already: Bella and Edward get married and start a family, Nina Hartley does reverse cowgirl to the guy with the brain injury and cures his amnesia. We put ourselves inside these visceral simulations via cinema to harvest our deepest desires: Women want to be eternally worshipped by supernatural forces that fight over them while overdosing on praise from this world and the next. Men just want to get boned by sluts. And love has absolutely nothing to do with either of these things. Saying Twilight is about Love is like saying Hooters is about the French fries. The genius of Twilight is that it touches on what every woman craves the most: attentionand justifies it under the guise of love. Its brilliant actually. When men watch porno, we feel dirty. I cant even climax if the watchful eyes of my judgmental goldfish are upon me, I have to throw a towel over the tank, but when women see Twilight, its an open orgy of orgasmic, unrepentant celebration. I envy them.

(snip)

More at http://www.ruthlessreviews.com/12310/twilight-saga-brea...
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Tobin S. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-26-11 05:02 PM
Response to Original message
1. This might not go over too well
Personally, I don't mind an audience. When my dog is watching us making love I just figure it's his version of Animal Planet.
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Kali Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-26-11 05:49 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. ...
"his version of Animal Planet." :spray: :rofl: :yourock:
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Tobin S. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-26-11 05:59 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. Thank you very much.
I'll be here all week. Please remember to tip your waitress, she's a single mother. :)
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Hassin Bin Sober Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Nov-28-11 12:55 AM
Response to Reply #1
13. Oh jessus you almost made me keel over with laughter.
:rofl:
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Skittles Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Nov-28-11 01:53 AM
Response to Reply #1
14. SCHEDULING TOBIN AND HIS DOG FOR ASS-KICKINGS
*EGREGIOUS*
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riderinthestorm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-26-11 08:41 PM
Response to Original message
4. Rec! Rec! Rec! Damn, can't rec threads from this forum!! This is a laugh-out-loud review.
DON'T go see the movie, just read this.
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helderheid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-27-11 09:58 AM
Response to Original message
5. Yes!
" Its all eyes on Bella, and by now, every woman in the theater is Bella, and every man in the theater is scared shitless. "
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jmowreader Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Nov-28-11 12:10 AM
Response to Reply #5
12. Do men even go to the Twilight movies?
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Chan790 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-27-11 10:36 AM
Response to Original message
6. Twilight is crap tween propaganda.
It's all about making disturbing RW values palatable to 14 year-old girls.
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Withywindle Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-27-11 06:14 PM
Response to Reply #6
9. As well as possibly some unintended consequences.
'Breaking Dawn' has one of the most gruesome and horrific birth scenes ever written....which kind of seriously undercuts the "pro-life" message, IMO.
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ButterflyBlood Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-27-11 03:18 PM
Response to Original message
7. Ha reminds me of the reviews of Jack and Jill
hilarious
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dembotoz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-27-11 04:13 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. wasn't there an earlier version of jack and jill that was a porno???
never got the chance to see it but the title remained in my head
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Odin2005 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-27-11 09:03 PM
Response to Original message
10. !!!
:popcorn:
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FloridaJudy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-27-11 09:34 PM
Response to Original message
11. That's a classic. TY.
:spray:
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dawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Nov-28-11 03:55 PM
Response to Original message
15. I would rather be adored than be boned by sluts.
Of course, being boned, repeatedly, by a woman who adores me, would be the best of both worlds.

I think it's always wrong to indulge in sweeping sexual stereotypes.

For that matter, I even enjoyed the first Twilight movie. Something about the innocent teenager being stalked by that vicious, sadistic monster, struck a chord in me. I should probably watch the sequels, you know, to find out what happened to the innocent young waif. (I hope he gets away)
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mvd Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-09-11 02:32 PM
Response to Reply #15
16. I'll watch Breaking Dawn on video
I don't feel the need to see it in the theater. The Twilight saga is kind of stupid and not close to the classics the Harry Potter books are, but they are like a trainwreck where I had to see what happens. I won't spoil the story for you.
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