My fucking DOCTOR.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

DISCLAIMER: I am not "seeking medical advice" in this thread, so please don't give any, unless you want the thread to get locked (against DU rules, dontcha know), and I guess if you do, I can't stop you, but I am not "seeking medical advice" in this thread.

Called my doctor's office today. I don't have medical insurance and haven't been to see him in at least two years (and I have several medical issues that could really use his attention).

I have a pretty bad, high-stress situation going on right now...a couple, actually, but they're all connected in a "big picture" sense.

I have high blood pressure and an irregular heartbeat.

Two years ago I went to the Sunnyvale Senior Center, where they have free blood pressure tests twice a week (I am not a senior...they test anyone who walks in for free). At the time, I had what was classified as Level 2 Hypertension.

But since I no longer had medical benefits (Blue Cross was costing me $675 when I gave it up, over 5 years ago), and I couldn't afford the medication my doctor prescribed ($3 a pill, per day, plus side effects I won't go into here), I just kind of rode the rapids and took one day at a time.

Back in October 2010, something REALLY bad happened. A couple of DUers wo are close to me know the details via PMs. All that matters is that it was REALLY bad, and is REALLY bad 24/7, but some days it spikes and gets WORSE...like it did last week.

So I am having anxiety / panic attacks almost daily, and today, I have had chest pains and difficulty breathing all day long.

I called my doctor. I said I had no money for an office visit. I wasn't asking to come in free. I just wanted a referral to a free clinic in the area that isn't booked two months out.

I used to have a friend who took her daughter to the local hospital's emergency room whenever she needed medical attention. She never had any intention of paying the bill. The last thing I need, in the interest of bringing down my blood pressure, is one more entity threatening me over bills.

I said I was getting concerned. I said "I feel like I might be dying here."

So I was asked if I had insurance.

"NO."

Then I was asked if I could make two monthly payments of $70 instead of the $140 office visit fee.

"NO"

Then I was put on hold for 5 minutes.

When she came back, she said "All I can do is give you the number of a cardiac specialist, but I don't know what they charge."

I'll bet my left nut it's a lot more than $140.

I said "Thanks, this is no help at all" and hung up.

On Wednesday morning, one of my clients...a dentist...is going to test my blood pressure for free.

I have a bunch of other things I need to do in order to protect myself, to stabilize the bad situation, and (if it's even possible) keep the people in my current situation who want to devour me and then shit me out into a little mound on the sidewalk from doing that.

Oh, and I also do my doctor's Website, at a very discounted rate, and have tossed him more than a few freebies.

So how was your day?

:grouphug:

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. The local Walgreen's drugstores have do-it-yourself blood pressure testers.

Do you have access to anything like that?

I realize that doctors have overhead and bills they have to pay, but you'd think they could be a little charitable once in awhile.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

3. I remember that Longs used to have them...

...I have to get up and out early tomorrow so I will try to check CVS and Walgreens.

I'm still going to go on Wednesday and have my client test me. But I'd kind of like to know how bad it is and find out sooner rather than later.

I've gone to this doctor for DECADES and have never asked for ANYTHING. If you added up what I paid in the years when I had insurance, I am positive it's in the tens of thousands of dollars.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear Amerigo Vespucci...

Oh my god.

:hug:

[Amerigo Vespucci]

4. You're one of those "PM friends" who knows what's going on, but...

...I haven't shared the latest flare-up. I'll have to send you the details a little later. Suffice it to say that it happened on Wednesday night and it has been white-knuckle stress since then and there is no getting away from it. So it will be resolved, it will dissipate, or I am FUCKED...and the person on the other end of this is enjoying every single minute of it. My ongoing suffering is much more rewarding than the end result, so he's doing his best to drag it out and turn it into a real game of cat and mouse, just sustained, low-boil threats and hostility.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. You need to put some distance between you and your "friend."

Before you have a stroke or some such...

:hug:

[Amerigo Vespucci]

6. It is impossible in the current situation

I'll share the details via PM. But that's 99% of the stress...having this short-circuited son of a bitch bird dogging me.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

10. Have you tried something like meditation or yoga or tai chi?

I don't know what your situation is, but maybe some of these techniques would help you reduce your stress.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

11. I'd have to go somewhere else to do it

Which may have to be what I do. I may have to take a mental health day off and go to Vasona Lake Park and sit under a shade tree watch the ducks or something.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

12. Sounds like something you need to do.

Get away. Go to the park. Sometimes the only solution is to get the hell away, physically, from the source of stress.

Good luck. Hope things get better for you.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

47. It's now no longer an option for today...

...because last night at 10:30 I got an email from this guy saying he wants a meeting tomorrow morning at 7:30 AM.

And if I were to do the thing that would most directly contribute to my long-term physical and mental well-being, I'd tell him to take his list of demands and shove it, then walk away.

And if I did that, I'd be stepping out into nothing, basically becoming a homeless man in that moment.

But I look at the list and know that if I agreed to everything on it, I'd die in a matter of months. I either need to stabilize the situation with minimum concessions or I need to walk away and deal with the fallout, which will involve major, major short-term pain.

So I have to be available today for a couple of conversations I may or may not be able to have. I think part of the reason he wants this "meeting" tomorrow is that he knows I haven't had time to compare notes with the other two people who are supposed to be "mediating."

[Taverner]

39. What can I do to help?

If we all pool a little money together, can we help?

[Amerigo Vespucci]

46. I have a poisonous situation I've had to endure for the last nine months...

...and the rattler is curled and poised to strike tomorrow morning at 7:30 AM.

So tomorrow I will have purged my life of an ongoing source of abuse, or I will have struck a truce. My gut is telling me "purge," and if that happens, I'm screwed. If It's "truce," I'll have to move forward pretending that I don't think this rattler is a snake.

I appreciate your asking, and right now...at 4 AM, after the three hours of sleep I got last night, all I can say is "I'm not going to know for about 48 hours."

What this one needs is a third option, which I don't have. I should be packing everything I own today and getting ready to move, but I don't have a place and I don't have the money (and I'm not asking for it here...that's not why I started the thread. I started it because I literally thought I was dying yesterday, and when I called the office of the man who's been my doctor for several decades, I was told "good luck" when I said that I didn't have the money for the office visit).

So right now, the support and concern expressed here has helped immensely. Over the next 24 hours I have to mentally prepare myself for the fact that the worst possible thing that could happen to me at this particular point in time could happen indeed, and if it does, I'll have to deal with it. It's that simple.

[ohiosmith]

7. Do your local Walgreens have Take Care Clinics? The prices are reasonable and the staff professional

as well as thorough.

http://takecarehealth.com/InsuranceProviders.aspx

[RebelOne]

68. Also the CVS drug stores have walk-in clinics. n/s

[LiberalEsto]

8. Sending you good vibes

and wishing you good luck with this, AV

:hug:

[Amerigo Vespucci]

9. Thanks LiberalEsto...

...I came across a Walt Whitman quote today that I'd written down last November. I ended up pasting it on my blog so it wouldn't get "lost" again:

From this hour, I ordain myself loos’d of limits and imaginary lines, going where I list, my own master, total and absolute, listening to others, considering well what they say, pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, gently, but with undeniable will divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.” - Walt Whitman

So we are always the captain of our own ship. We can "give" that away, but no one can "take" it away.

And I have no intention of giving it away.

:toast:

[LynneSin]

13. you have a doctor for fucking?

:hide:

[ohiosmith]

15. It's a drive thru clinic.

:rofl:

[LynneSin]

49. That's right - you tend to go to alot of Drive Thrus

:rofl:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

29. !

:rofl:

[Islandlife]

40. Very Specialized Medicine

i shouldn't post this.

[retread]

78. Sex Therapist??

[Little Star]

14. Maybe this place.....

I looked at your profile, then googled.

This place may be able to help you.
http://www.rotacarebayarea.org/

I hope it helps. You need to take care of your self, stress can kill. Best wishes.:hug:

[Amerigo Vespucci]

16. Thank you...I put them on the list earlier today.

You have to go there at 8 AM and get a "ticket" for when they open that night, at 5:30. That's on Wednesday. So I'm trying to scramble around and see if I can do anything sooner. One place I called said they were booked until the second week of August. Looks like free health care is really popular these days.

So all I can really do in the meantime is try to decompress, and tomorrow may have to be an "away" day, a "go to my happy place" day.

When my doctor gave me the lecture on stress management a few years ago, the "having a heart attack and dying" part didn't scare me. The "having a stroke and surviving" part did, because I don't think I'd want to learn how to walk / talk / etc. again.

But like I said, his way of dealing with it was to prescribe pills that cost me $100 a month and had several major, very noticeable side effects.

[Little Star]

22. I know what you mean about the stroke thing....

I had one aprox 3 years ago. I was very lucky it only effected my left side. Lost the hearing in my left ear and have limited feeling in my left arm & hand and left leg & foot. Stress and high cholesterol are what caused me to have a stroke.

Your health has to be your top priority. I'll be hoping for you to find a Doctor who will help you.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

26. It's like I have the list of things that will help already in front of me...

...and the number one thing that would help...moving...just isn't a possibility right now, for several reasons...money is one of them, but there's more to it than that.

I know exercise is a big one. I do take "stress walks," but I believe I need to start doing it in a more peaceful, serene environment.

Fortunately, I'm one of those "artist types"...so I have my photography, Photoshop, and music...as well as some of the goofball threads I post here...to keep me grounded.

The biggest thing I have learned, though, came from a dear departed friend, Father Jim Mifsud...one of the toughest and kindest guys you'd ever want to meet. When he died about a year ago, about three THOUSAND people came to his funeral...I swear on my life. 49ers coach Steve Mariuchi was one of his pallbearers.

Anyway...one time he was talking about being nose-to-nose with the lion, and how the lion is growling, and how the lion intends to eat you.

And Father Jim's advice was to smile at the lion, look him right between the eyes, and say "Hope I taste good."

Meaning "this isn't going to be an easy meal for you, and you may regret thinking that it is."

So this really is a time in my life where it feels like it's killing me, but it absolutely is making me stronger.

[kimi]

17. Oh my

I feel awful for you. Yes, you need a mental health day, go to a park, feed the ducks, walk around, lie on the grass and watch the clouds. You have a cat, if I remember correctly? Most cats do stress relief quite well, really. I watch my cats sometimes - the simple pleasure they take in a spot of sunshine, a nap, stretching out on their backs.

Take care. I send vibes and prayers.

:hug:

[Amerigo Vespucci]

19. My cat is feeling the stress too

She spends most of the day under the bed.

She has a condition that vets refer to as "overgrooming"...grooming becomes a nervous obsession and she has licked all of the fur off of her hind legs and her belly.

She also has a place on her neck the size of a quarter that's down to the bare skin.

Two weeks ago a friend arranged for me to make a free visit to a friend who's a vet.

He gave me some anti-anxiety drops for her, but I can't get her to hold still long enough to take them.

He also gave me ointment for her neck. It started to heal and she started digging again and made it worse. If I try to put more ointment on, she runs under the bed.

Nothing wrong with her appetite, and she uses the box faithfully.

She came out from under the bed a week ago and I was overjoyed. Then there was an incident at the house on Wednesday night and she's been back under the bed ever since, except to come out for food, water, and bathroom breaks.

[kimi]

28. Oh, that is sad

Poor lil thing. I'm glad her appetite is okay, and her other habits are within normal limits, and I hope the stress in both your lives settles soon, I really do.

People are thinking of you. Take care, enjoy the park, you need that time. *hug*

[applegrove]

18. vibes to you av. Get well soon.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

20. Thanks applegrove.

I plan to get up and out early tomorrow, so that should help take me down a few more notches on the stress ladder.

[rurallib]

21. Well, all I can do is wish you the best and keep working for real

health care reform.

You are too valuable to lose here, AV. Please take care.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

23. Thanks rurallib...

...today was a real eye-opener. I never realized how many people are out there ready to say "can't help you" when you call to say "I need some help." And I am talking about people who are supposed to be in the business of helping people...if they're not doing that, they have no reason to show up for work.

Of course, I do understand the concept of how we need to look inside, not to "external" sources...be it friends, God, or government agencies...when we are in the midst of a crisis.

I consider myself to be a relatively "strong" person...the thing that stood out for me today, above all else, is what the hell happens when people who are not strong are hurting and run into the kind of indifference I encountered today on the phone?

I pretty much take it on the chin and "vent"...like I did in this thread...but I get back up my feet and keep fighting. I've got to believe there are people who get smacked down on the first pass and stay down...and I find that to be heartbreaking.

[madinmaryland]

24. Heh. Is his web site going to look like this tomorrow...

http://www.georgehutchins.com/


What a fucking douchebag.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

25. That's the worst web site I've ever seen.

It looks like it was designed in about 1995 by a meth addict.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

27. My eyes! My beautiful eyes!

I think I've seen that guy's site before. Not bad, but could use more color.

:rofl:

:toast:

[kimi]

32. Wow

Just -- wow.

[SwampG8r]

50. he was in the army and the marines? hmmmmm

[madinmaryland]

71. Wonder if he knows Lee Mercer, Jr. National and Internation Eye-spy. All three!!

:P

[hedgehog]

30. Not giving medical advice here, but there are all kinds of

anti-hypertensives out there. Some people can switch from one to another. Ask your medical provider about switching to one of the cheap generics. Who knows - maybe a different drug won't cause any side effects!

[Amerigo Vespucci]

31. He did split the single pill into three generics...

...which ended up costing almost the same, and I still had the same side-effects.

So my best bet is still natural stress reduction, and the best way to accomplish it is going to be spending far less time here. My cat won't like it, but she'll adjust. She's safe and has her food and her water and her box and she'll probably be a lot less stand-offish when I'm not around all day.

[Aristus]

33. It's one of those "damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't" things.

I work in a clinic that provides free health care and free blood pressure medications to my patients. Problem is, my patients are all homeless. Living in shelters, in their cars, or on the streets. There's nothing for it if the person in question has a decent roof over his head.

I'm sorry Amerigo.

As a medical provider, I pray every day that we will get a public health insurance system going in this country. My patients get meds, labs & plain-film imaging for free. If they need a CT, MRI, or specialist care, they have to pay for it if they don't have private or state insurance. I'm sick and tired of not being able to get my patients the care they need.

I hope something works out for you... :hug:

[Amerigo Vespucci]

34. Thank you Aristus...

...it's one thing to call up someone for the first time and have them say "we can't help you." My reaction is "OK, on to the next call." But when I called my own doctor and the best he could do was charge me full price for an office visit and split it into two payments, I thought "What's wrong with this picture?"

Healthcare is a business, like anything else. And there are so many people who need help right now, I think most city and county organizations just see the people they can't...or won't...help as "collateral damage."

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

35. Guess you need to start charging the doc full price

for working on his web site. No more deals.

This does not solve your problem, unfortunately, but considering the work you've done in the past, I wonder why the doctor won't cut you a deal. Were you able to talk to him directly, or was it his office staff that blew you off?

[Amerigo Vespucci]

36. I have to stop the deals, period.

I am a fan of "sales guru" Jeffrey Gitomer. Because I am a sole proprietor, I am also my "sales force," so I need to keep sharp on my selling skills.

He's got a Webinar coming up on the 20th on selling "value," and I emailed him and reminded him of something he wrote in one of his first books (some people buy strictly on price, and they're a pain, and the worst kind of customers).

I have a client...a dentist. I walked into his office, had a nice chat with the receptionist, left my brochure. Went back a week later. He was standing at the front desk. He'd read my brochure. We talked for about 5 minutes, he shook my hand, and I had a new $3500 customer.

They're not all like that, but they're the best clients. They see the value that you have to offer and they write checks once you deliver without hesitation.

I spoke with the receptionist today but identified myself as a patient. I know damned well that in the five minutes I was on hold, she went and spoke with the doctor. I've been in that office far too many times. They interrupt him ALL the time with questions and phone calls.

So my gut is telling me that she spoke to him and he said "Tell him we can split it into two payments" and that was it.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

37. Yes. You have to value your own services; that way others will also.

Next time your doc wants a discount on your web work, tell him you'd be willing to split the full cost into two installments, but that's all you can do.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

38. I watched that "Rocky's speech to his son" clip again today.

I know it's really cornball, but a close friend sent the link to me months ago when I was going through some tough stuff, and when I watched it again tonight and he was talking about how life's about how hard you can get and keep moving forward...I thought "holy crap, THOSE are the shoes I'm standing in RIGHT NOW."

Because I am getting bludgeoned on all sides and I am still moving.

This client I'm going to see on Wednesday morning, the one that's going to take my blood pressure for free?

They see the value, I do the work, they write the checks...no questions asked.

I need to get some new clients and fire some old ones.

Here's the Rocky clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z5OookwOoY&feature=player_embedded

(NOT a RickRoll...this is REALLY the "Rocky Balboa" clip).

[grasswire]

41. just from my personal experience

...and I'm not giving medical advice here: After a couple of visits to the ER for irregular heartbeat and a few years where it bothered me every day, an ER doc recommended that I take 500 mg magnesium every day. It totally changed my life. Totally.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

42. The panic / anxiety attacks have been a much bigger problem...

I've had a couple where I literally thought I was dying. And as part of the process of educating myself in what they are, I realized the cumulative effect is the culprit. They rarely manifest themselves in an extreme moment of stress. It's like a water glass that is being filled drop by drop and then one day, one LITTLE drop goes in and the water spills everywhere and you think "I'm dying"...that is literally what happened when I called the doctor today. I said "I feel like I might be dying" and their reaction was basically "Sucks to be you...good luck!"

Today was a real education, on a number of levels.

[emilyg]

44. You can get your bp checked at Kroger, Publix, Walgreens. Any chance

you can take 1/2 of a 5mg Valium. I used to get panic attacks while driving. Thought I would wreck my car or run out of the car into traffic. Short term with Valium -helped.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

45. I had my first panic attack while driving, before I knew what a panic attack was.

And worst of all, I was on the Bayshore Freeway...101.

I pulled over to the shoulder of the road. I actually thought I was dying. In that attack, and all of the ones that have followed, I've had to "talk myself down from the ledge." First, I had to purge my mind of any thoughts about dying. Not an easy thing to do. Then I would have to take slow, measured breaths...not deep ones...just slow, gradual air in, slow gradual air out. Sometimes I'd squat down for a bit, which would clear the light-headedness. Final step was to empty my mind of ANY thoughts...the toughest thing of all. I'd do that by picking one thing to focus on...a tree, a hubcap, a stop sign, one object.

For me, the "I'm dying" feeling of the worst attacks lasts about ten minutes.

Today, it lasted all day, up until about a half hour ago (it's 9:40 PM right now).

Valium wouldn't be a good choice for me. I need to confront things at this point in my life, like the lion I mentioned elsewhere in the thread. The worst thing I could do right now is medicate myself.

Today was liberating. I wish I could fully explain how, but the short version is that when I found out that none of these people who were supposed to be there to help people cared, I stopped looking outside of myself for help. I know that probably sounds really new age-y or something, but I spent about ten hours on the phone making about 20 calls and asking for help and two thirds of the calls went into voicemail and didn't get returned, and the one third of the people I spoke to "live" said "Sorry, can't help."

And in that ten hours I ran the gamut from anger to self-pity to feeling powerful, as if my dependence on outside help was being shattered into a million tiny little pieces and then blowing away like dust.

I have people in my life that I used to consider friends, and these days, I honestly believe they have stopped caring if I live or die. Initially, it hurts. Then you view it as a season, and like actual seasons, I can't "choose" Winter and I can't "choose" Summer...they just come and go on schedule, when they're supposed to, like certain people in our lives that we think are friends to the end but are just there for a season.

[noamnety]

43. Do you have 211 service in your area?

That's where I'd start looking for any referrals to free/cheap clinics (and food banks, and help with foreclosures, etc). They've already done the research in your area if you have service. (like dialing 911, but just dial 211.)

[HopeHoops]

48. Not medical advice, but $3/pill is fucked up!!!

I pay something like $4/month for Metoprolol 50mg and I only need to take half a pill now, so that's really about $2/month. Now the fucking Boniva is another story - those damn pills are $40 each!!! They're only once a month pills, but still - $40 for a fucking pill?!?!?

As for testing your blood pressure, most drug stores (CVS, Rite Aid, etc.) have a machine back by the pharmacy. I got one of those Omron home testerification devices. It is pretty easy to use and it has a history memory with a time and date stamp so you can track your progress and also see if there's any correlation to the time of day you check it. Cool little machine.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

52. I went to CVS today...two of them in fact.

I won't share the numbers because once again I am doing my best to stay within the "no medical advice" rule.

First results were terrifying. Bad, bad numbers.

I took my old "stress walk" I used to take in Santa Clara...two miles, nice neighborhood, very relaxing. Then I went to the second CVS. Numbers dropped by about 30 points.

Also had a good pro-active conversation with a friend about dealing with the current situation. So today I feel tired and exhausted but not "ramped up" like I did yesterday.

[Kali]

51. I hate the fucked up health care "system" in this country!

I am sorry your situation is so fucked - I know how that stress can feel.

Even if the doc is compassionate - office staff is there to protect them - imagine if you were to give all your services away for free because you felt you had to to help everybody...(I hate office staff for this reason, but that is part of their job)...docs would be more stressed than you!

Chest pain warrants ER, and I would think any doc that you got in to see would likely say the same thing! C'mon, Amerigo - go get it checked, no debt is worth risking your life!

my doctors' office will let you come in and get your blood pressure checked (and you can get weighed too if you dare) - if I were you I would just go in and tell/demand it, don't call and ask.

Oh and as for the personal relationship with that guy who WAS your doc? fuck him - walk away (or bill him for the balance owed)

[Amerigo Vespucci]

53. Yesterday was definitely a game-changer...

...I literally said "I think I might be dying" and the response was "good luck."

So yeah, when I have the coin to go see a doctor again, maybe I'll shop for a new one.

The chest pains and shortness of breath have been of the panic / anxiety attack variety...and I have those all the time. It's just that the one I had yesterday lasted all...day...long. Never been through that before.

But things are looking considerably brighter today and I can feel things slowly moving back to normal.

[Kali]

54. ok, if you know the symptoms and are sure...

but JEEBUS! be careful, huh? Are you eligible for any help from the state or your county?

[Amerigo Vespucci]

55. The county has no interest in single men without kids

Seriously, we're at the bottom of the pecking order. If you're a family or a single mom, you get everything on the menu. Single man? The exit's just over there, to your left, sir.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

56. There is no interest in single anybodies.

If you're not part of the almighty Family, you might as well not exist at all.

As an old, invisible single woman, I know exactly whereof you speak.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

58. And for some reason they don't "call out" single women...

...which absolutely supports your "forgotten" comment.

They talk about families and single men but I don't remember single women even being mentioned. So I'm probably not the only one who assumed they were taken care of. It saddens me to learn this is true...granted, people with kids have special needs, but people without kids or "significant others" are far from "non-entities."

[peacefreak]

57. True for single woman w/o kids also.

Was lucky enough to get help at a free clinic because of a situation very similar to yours. Working 2 jobs, but on the edge of being evicted & on the very bottom of the waiting list for assistance with rent.
Best wishes. It is a very tough spot to be in.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

77. I've learned that volunteers on these "hotlines" really have to harden themselves...

...I realize that of they got emotionally involved with 100% of the people who called in a day they'd probably find themselves knee-deep in manic depression.

But in a scenario like the one you've described...that's a wrecking ball coming smack dab through the middle of your life, that's horrendous, and the biggest challenge for me...and I am assuming to some degree it was the same for you...is to just hold on tight on a daily basis and keep moving forward.

Thanks for sharing your experiences, as well as offering encouragement. "This too shall pass."

[Kali]

61. yeah - same here (working on MFM's situation)

thought maybe CA would be better than AZ

shit on the poor, make sure folks on the edge topple on over but whatever you do don't let a too-big-to-fail bank lose a fucking penny

[pacalo]

59. Oh, Amerigo...

:hug:

I had no idea you were going through this.

Try contacting http://www.hrsa.gov/gethealthcare/

And just say the word; forget your pride. :hug:

I've seen my mom's panic attacks firsthand & it's really frightening. But getting your high blood pressure regulated is priority number one.

(((Amerigo!)))

[Amerigo Vespucci]

64. Thanks pacalo...

...fortunately, I'm pretty adept at setting my pride aside when the situation warrants it.

I've learned a lot in the last couple of days. I know what I need to do...I've known all along, but I've allowed myself to be intimidated by the economy and I've let clients who want to play games with me play those games.

I am fortunate to have good friends "in person" and good "cyber friends" on DU who encourage me and give me strength on an ongoing basis.

It really does go back to that "Rocky Balboa" clip I pasted earlier in this thread. A good friend...one of my best...and I were talking today. He's a salesman, that's his full-time job. Because I am a sole proprietor, I am also my "sales force"...so he's proven to be a valuable mentor. Like many people, he's had his share of triumph and tragedy. And he told me today that he needs to get up every day and do what he needs to do no matter what else is going on in his life, no matter how painful, no matter how threatening. He essentially said the same thing Stallone said in that clip...it's not about the fact that we get knocked down, because we will, over and over again, but how quickly we get back up after being hit. Sometimes I've stayed down longer than I should have. In the clip, Stallone says "That's what LOSERS do and THAT'S NOT YOU!"

And that's pretty much what my friend said today, and he's right. I've had terrible, terrible, terrible things happen to my finances in the last two and a half years.

I've had a million opportunities to just quit and walk away from what I spent a decade building up.

I haven't done that. I will not do that. I am in this fight, and as the cliche goes, I am IN it to WIN it.

So my reaction to the events of the last few days (actually the last few weeks, that's what led up to all of this) is that it's made me stronger, it's made me more determined than ever to stay in the fight and make my business more successful and be the person I know I am.

Too many people surrender, too many people conform to the world and what it wants them to be. I don't have that in me. I can't look at the world and ask "What would YOU like me to be?" I can only be who I am, and what I am, and that takes strength. I get a lot of it from inside, and I get the rest that I need from my friends.

Thanks everyone.

:grouphug:

[kwassa]

66. Here is another inspirational quote from Al Swearengen

of "Deadwood"

So including last night, that’s three fucking damage incidents that didn’t kill you. Pain or damage don’t end the world, or despair, or fuckin’ beatings. The world ends when you’re dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man — and give some back.

Best wishes for you in this situation. Like others have said, blood pressure monitors are not expensive, depending on the features required. Take care of yourself.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

67. Yep, that's definitely my kind of thinking...thanks for posting it.

I am also a big fan of Tom Petty's "Swingin"...similar sentiments, expressed a little differently:

Moonlight on the interstate
She was 'cross the Georgia line
Looked out the window feeling great
Yeah, it had to come in time
And she said I'm never goin' back
She said at last I'm free
I wish ma could see me now, she'd be so proud of me

She went down swingin'
Like Glenn Miller
Yeah, she went down swingin'
Like Tommy Dorsey
Yeah, she went down swingin'
Like Sammy Davis
She went down swingin'
Like Sonny Liston

When my mom was alive (she passed away in 2002), I had to research / price / purchase several blood pressure monitors for her, so I know how to shop for features and functionality. I have a few clients scheduled to pay me in the next couple of weeks. You're right...I need to add one of these to my shopping list. Thanks.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

60. where I live, if a person walked into a free clinic and stated this:

:...chest pains and difficulty breathing..."

to the receptionist they would be taken back IMMEDIATELY.

good luck, AV. Other people have given you some good suggestions.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

62. I called a free clinic in Sunnyvale yesterday...

...and said "I'm having chest pains and difficulty breathing" and was told "Our next available appointment is in the second week of August."

So today, fortunately, I've been addressing the circumstances that cause the recent spike in stress, and while things are not resolved yet, I can see a path to that point. It's going to be another couple of days of negotiating and "not revealing my poker hand"...politics...but I believe I will be able to turn the situation around my way, and stay focused on my agenda.

And yes, I am extremely appreciative of all of the suggestions here.

:grouphug:

[Arugula Latte]

63. I don't have any brilliant ideas but just want to say

that it just SUCKS and I'm so sorry. Jesus. :grouphug:

[Amerigo Vespucci]

65. Thank you, I appreciate it...

...it was just one more lesson in "expectations."

I expected the man who's been my doctor for the last few decades to help direct me to a low cost/no cost source for treatment for an emergency medical condition.

His expectation was that he'd offer to split his $140 office visit fee into two payments or refer me to a cardiologist who probably charges AT LEAST twice that much.

So I learned to not expect any help from my doctor, and if I ever have an emergency again, he won't be one of the people I call.

[Qanisqineq]

69. I can really relate to the anxiety/panic attacks

I have been having health problems for 3 years. The last time I went to an American doctor was 3 years ago, when my husband was still in the army. We live in Korea and I went to the army base doctor. Then, he got out and got a job as a contractor on the army base. They told me I had to go to the Korean hospitals.

The Korean doctors will not even physically look at me. They talk to me (they won't even look in my direction) for 5 minutes then suggest I go to see another doctor.

The army base clinic said I could come there with my insurance, but my appointment could be cancelled at any time if it was needed by a soldier or military family member. As I said, it's been 3 years since I've seen an army doctor so we see how well that went.

Now my husband is a GS employee. Supposedly I have a little bit more of a chance to get into see the army doctors. But his job still has not processed his insurance after two months.

I have such bad anxiety that I shake any time I hear a noise. I have anxiety or panic attacks almost daily, too. It sucks.

:hug:

[Chan790]

70. You should beat said doctor with a sock full of bottlecaps.

Oh wait...that might be cogent medical advice. Use a tackhammer instead.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

72. I would recommend a sockful of nickels. Heavier and denser.

[u4ic]

73. Perhaps you can add The Hippocratic Oath on to his website?

Seems like he forgot it. :eyes:

Sorry, I'm of no help; but I do hope you can find the help you need. :pals:

[Amerigo Vespucci]

74. He's a Scientologist

There are L Ron Hubbard plaques in every examining room.

This happened quite some time after I first went to the practice. Little by little these "artifacts" started popping up.

And one of them, for lack of a better description, reads like the L. Ron Hubbard version of the Hippocratic Oath.

Thanks for the encouragement...I'm doing what I can to turn circumstances around in the next few days. That will reduce the stress level. That will lower the blood pressure.

[u4ic]

75. E-frickin'-gad

Upon reading your experience of him upthread -and pardon my ignorance of the US health care system - isn't that a reportable offence to a governing body? ie denying you (or 'good lucking' you) when he knows your history and serious health issues?

[Amerigo Vespucci]

76. Well, what I strongly suspect...but do not "know"...

...as I mentioned elsewhere in the thread, simply because I know how things operate in his office...when the woman who picked up the phone put me on hold for 5 minutes, my guess is that she went and spoke directly to the doctor.

So...without "knowing" with 100% certainty that it happened that way...my educated guess is that it did, and he signed off on the final response. Logic says the only reason she didn't carry 100% of the conversation with me is that she had to go ask someone something, and that someone was probably the doctor. Maybe not.

But at least two people in that office can lay claim to telling a guy who thought he was dying that he could "eat cake."

I'm not kidding...when I was on the phone with them, I was effing S-C-A-R-E-D.

Three or four hours later, when I wasn't dead yet, I figured I wasn't going to die that day.

Looks like I was right.

[u4ic]

79. It's a good thing you're still with us

:)

I know you're not looking for advice, but diaphramatic breathing helps reduce anxiety (I read that it's physically impossible to have an anxiety attack while breathing this way).

Good luck (in the true sense, not your doctor's sense) and take care.