What are reasonable rules for teens' internet use

[cally]

I'm amazed about what my fellow DUers impose and believe. My opinion is that I need to know what they are doing, my teens need to know about security and all the crazies out there, but I don't intervene in what they do. All know that I occasionally look at the history and when they delete it, which they never have, Once they delete the history, then I'll start figuring out how to find out which sites they hit. My policy has always been that I think they are smarter than me on computers. Not completely, but if we get into a security war, I will lose. It's a matter of time. So, my approach the teen internet issue as a matter of trust. We agree on quite liberal rules. I put no limits on their use but I insist on knowing who they chat with and email with.

I'm curious how others deal with this. :shrug:

[MikeG]

1. Keep an eye on everyone they have contact with on the internet.

Better to be safe than sorry.

[Deja Q]

2. If I were to raise human offspring...

I'd purchase and configure Norton Internet Security 2004 and make multiple user accounts and restrict the fun stuff from the kiddies until they became of proper age and until I had a proper chat with them. Oh, Norton I.S. 2004 is very customizable in terms of restricting web site access...

But I don't know how to be a parent and I lack the emotional stamina.

[cally]

5. I think it's a losing battle

I know I could manage it for a few months, but I can't do it for very long. I took the approach that it's a matter of trust and explained why some sites are just destructive. I think my post is about censorship vs. teaching. I'm figuring it out but teaching works much better.

[RoeBear]

3. No porn after midnight

n/t

[citizen snips]

4. I always delete the history.

And my parents never notice. :evilgrin:

[cally]

6. Well, they have to learn a few computer skills

I don't know many, but I learned that one.

[citizen snips]

8. They put a block on my computer.

But all you have to do is go to google and look up the images.

[MikeG]

7. Its more the people that you talk to that they're worried about.

[JohnLocke]

9. No violence.

[citizen snips]

10. Boo.

That is not fair.

[JohnLocke]

15. Violence is far worse than sex.

[cally]

18. Yes.

This crosses over to many other issues. I totally agree. Violence is far worse in the media than sexuality. If you are talking to my kids, it's just horrible.

[Zookeeper]

33. My son was looking for information about school uniforms...

for an English assignment and we were both grossed out by the stuff that popped up on the screen. 'Just kind of ugly, crude and degrading stuff. I would prefer that my kids not develop their ideas about sexuality from porn.

And I don't like violence, either. I'm exhausted from trying to screen all the crap out there!

[citizen snips]

21. I don't know about that.

My parents let me watch violent movies and play violent games. However I am not a very violent person. Sex although pleasurable can have serious consequences if you don't take proper precautions.

[seaglass]

11. My rule was that my daughter could chat with any of the kids

she knows at school but no chatting with people she doesn't know IRL.

Turned out one of her teachers sent her suggestive IMs.

You can never know who the crazies are.

[cally]

14. How do you define that?

I ask how she knows these folks and sometimes it's a friend of a friend situation. What rules did you impose?

[BensMom]

12. Been there..

As a parent it is your job to know what the kids are doing.

Not to snoop, but to protect them.
It's also a good way to see whats on their mind, and nudge them in the right direction.

[MikeG]

16. We had a creep in the Pittsburgh area

who abducted a thirteen-year old girl through the internet. She was freed but it scared everybody. Watch your kids. The creeps are out there.

[ButterflyBlood]

13. virtually no rules from my parents

and everything was fine for me. going fine for my brothers now.

[Occulus]

17. I would say

certainly it's up to the parent, and myself not being a parent, perhaps my advice isn't warranted. That being said, here's what I would propose:

1) make it clear that the history file and disk cache are automatically saved in a seperate place, permanantly, and the parent can peruse that directory at will, AND the child has no access.

2) Make it clear that any websites that are objectionable to the parent are grounds for immedate revocation of internet access for X time. IOW, no, Virginia, you really don't need a filtering program; intelligent administration is all that's needed.

3) Internet use for teens can be for entertainment as well as education. Make certain there are plenty of harmless gaming sites in your teen's booksmark list, but be sure to monitor the chat rooms they're on. Make sure they know you want to know about the chats they use- it's very much like the nightclub coming to the teen, rather tha the other way around. Be wary of chats.

edited to add: I posted this using the wrong browser; it can't open the spellcheck window. I apologize for spelling errors.

Opera kinda sucks and kinda rocks with DU.

4) Lock up your startup directory and system tray, if possible; get AdAware and Spybot Search and Destroy, don't open attatchments of any kind that are not from a known sender and with a known subject, and by all means keep an eye on use of newsgroups.

5) Get a hardware firewall and lock out the ports of applications you don't want your teen using, or that you only want usable at certain times. Not only that, but this will also keep certain viruses from doing their job and will block hacker attacks. Even if you have no children, a hardware firewall is a very good thing to have, especially if you have a cable modem, ISDN, or DSL. I have one myself.

6) Just use common sense. The internet is a vast and ever growing space filled with material ranging from the mundane to the obscene, and fills every label in between. In the end, it is you, as a parent, who must ultimately decide how you wish that space to influence your child's development. It will surely have an influence, whether you are there or not; the internet is not going to simply disappear. Like the nuclear weapon, it is an idea that is here to stay, for better or for worse.

[cally]

19. Good advice

How do I save the disk cache and history to separate file? I have much of the internet blocks you suggest?

To all, I appreciate your input. All have given me invaluable advice. Thanks.

[JohnLocke]

23. Little paranoid?

[Occulus]

26. You can't ever be too paranoid when you're dealing with the net.

I'm speaking from a sysadmin standpoint here. The connections into and out of your PC should be mutable by you and you alone. Virii and Trojan horses are, from a computing standpoint, Very Bad Things. They can, in extreme cases, take down your entire system, and even doing everything I posted will never guard against utter stupidity on the user's part.

Don't argue the idea that I'm being paranoid; you'll get nowhere. I'm on solid factual ground.

edited to add: I only wanted to make the point that saying I'm being paranoid about outside connections and so forth is sort of like saying that a porn star is being paranoid for being worried about HIV. You can have all the protection you can handle, including rubbers, but the possibility of getting a virus still exists.

Such is true for the net. Parents, guard your family PCs intelligently, vigilantly, and well, for there are thousands of websites your teens may visit which appear innocent enough, but install tracking cookies and spyware applications if they are given any opening at all.

[Not Me]

20. Keep the computer in a common area

like the kitchen. That way, any use is subject to visual oversight.

It works!

[Occulus]

27. That alone is a great idea, and it's simple.

Simple is what a lot of parents are looking for. I like that more than anything I posted; it immediately works. But, there still needs to be some automated oversight while the parents aren't there.

I don't like filtering; I prefer logging. That way, they can go anywhere, but you'll get a list of where they went.

[slinkerwink]

34. my mom kept the computer in the kitchen when I was in high school

and that really pissed me off, because my mom would object very easily if my high school friends said a bad word or talked about sex whenever my mom would look over my shoulder.

[Enraged_Ape]

35. Yes, this is the simplest and best solution

I don't have teens, but the friends and family I know that do keep the family computer in a hutch in the living room. They have no problems.

[Mz Pip]

22. When my kids were teens

I had little problem with Internet stuff. It was ptetty new back then.

There was one evening when my hubby and I went out and left our then 17 year old son and a couple of his friends home watching TV.

The next morning I checked my e-mail and found about 15 messages from porn sites (this was before all the spamming.)

He was so busted. Of course he swore up and down it wasn't him. One of his friends was doing the porn surfing. (With him watching over his shoulder, I'm sure.)

I'm glad he was 17 and not 7.

MzPip
:dem:

[cally]

24. I know

I've been lucky that nothing like that has happened, yet. I don't belive in total censorship with my kids. I don't think it works. I will lose any battles about censorship. So, it's a matter of trust and values. It's harder but I think it is more valuable long term.

[tigereye]

30. this was a very informative thread

my son is almost to the age where we need to think about these things and this offered good food for thought. Thanks. Sounds like you have a good approach and attitude already!

[neverborn]

25. No rules.

I'm 17. Hi :p

If you ban porn, ban certain sites -- they'll want to do it more.

Ban AIM? They'll get around it.

Use Net Nanny/Norton Internet Security? They'll get around it.

Frankly, there's no reason for any rules that I can see. Other than the common sense -- don't give your name/address/phone to strangers, etc.

[Catshrink]

28. As long as they've finished their chemistry homework first!

[Florida_Geek]

29. Not being a parent but a computer geek :)

The common area computer for < 13 would be my rule. But after that you really only can tell them common sense things about people that you could meet online and trust them.

[Kathleen04]

31. My dad always made sure that...

I knew the possible consequences of giving out too much information on the internet. He told me the stories of what has happened to girls that have been stalked on the internet or tried to meet with someone on the internet. Make sure your teen knows about these cases and learns from the mistakes that were made.

And make sure they know that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are.

IMO, it's not so much WHO they're talking to but what they're talking ABOUT. Make sure they know what information is inappropriate to give out--full name, address, phone number, school they go to, etc.

With a teenage daughter, probably the main point you'll want to emphasize is all that above.

And make sure you know your kids well enough to be sure that they're not going to get into online relationships or try to meet someone to fill some void.

With a son, you'll probably have to pay closer attention to what sites they're going to..set ground rules for what's inappropriate and what's not. Don't assume that parental controls (those that are on AOL and other browsers) will keep them out of certain sites because in most cases they DON'T actually work...the browser only knows the sites it recognizes (which usually ends up being the harmless ones and not the random porn site).

So there's my 2 cents worth. :)

[ScreamingMeemie]

32. I don't really let them hang out on the computer.

They can call their friends, and when they are on the computer, I'm mostly with them...learning stuff. :hi:

I know that sounds strict, but at 14 there's no need for my daughter to have a social life online. Look how many twisted minds show up on an adult board.

:hi:

[parasim]

36. what I do... 'case you're interested...

Two boys, 16,20... both internet saavy... both know what to look out for on the net (weirdness-wise)... never look at their link history, don't have to. they trust me when I say that I won't pry into their affairs... I teach respect by showing respect. I am often invited into their IM sessions...

Open and honest conversation is the key, to me. Oh, and make sure they know you are smarter than they are... If you're not smarter than they are, then get smarter.

But laying down strict rules just invites them to try to break 'em.

Key word: Trust

[Zomby Woof]

37. lock the teenager is the basement until they are 18

Sure, scoff at my strictness now, but this idea will be tempting before you know it. ;-)

(I seriously have no idea, raising a cat is about all I can handle, and then some.)