Does anyone have experience with a cat grieving?

[Curmudgeoness]

Or I guess I should ask, do cats grieve? How does it manifest itself? What can be done to help them?

A million questions, a million worries. I actually have made an appointment with the vet to determine whether there is any physical problem. But my Ashes stopped eating about a week after I lost my second cat on Christmas Day. He would eat nothing. I finally decided to use some of the appetite stimulants that were still here from before Pudding passed away, and that did help to get him eating. But he still doesn't eat much and is not all that interesting in it.

He was a huge 16 pound cat who I had put on a diet at that point and he got down to a flattering 14 pounds. I took him to the vet's office today for a weigh in, and he is down to 11 pounds now. And he probably was lower than this but I didn't even want to know.

While I was at the vet's office, they told me that they had another boy cat who needed a home. What a sob story. This cat was found in a leg trap and ended up having one of his front paws amputated. He is now ready for a new home if they can find one. I have no idea if this is a good idea right now or a bad idea. We introduced the two cats, and while "Trapper" was pretty well behaved, Ashes was nasty. He never stopped hissing and spitting, and he even tried to nip at me.

So I don't know what to do. Is it too soon to introduce another cat? Would another cat help Ashes? Or do I just have to love him till he begs me to stop? I am really concerned about him, and I don't want to make the wrong move.

[Kali]

1. what did your vet say about the weight loss/no appetite?

I'm sure it's possible missing a companion could cause some behavioral depression, but that is a pretty big weight loss - I would be wanting some blood work done, I think.

As for a new cat in the house - we are talking CATS, I'd give 50-50 odds it will work or not ;-)

[Curmudgeoness]

2. I have an appointment for a complete checkup and bloodwork

on Saturday, just to rule out anything explainable. But I don't really think that there is anything wrong. I think it is that he is lonely or missing Pudding (she was his mother, so he has never ever been alone). I will have to wait to be sure though. I didn't talk to the vet, I just had the tech weight him to see if there was enough weight loss for me to be concerned. And I am.

[Odin2005]

3. My mom's cat grieved after her dog died.

for about a month she acted in a way that can only be described as "depressed". She also constantly kept on looking for him. :(

[Curmudgeoness]

5. It is sad to watch. So I am assuming that her cat did get over this.

And was she fine being alone after that initial month of depression?

This is why I have waited this long to consider a next step. It is going on 2 months now, and although he is eating a little now (as opposed to nothing), he is not back to himself. Of course, he was always a grouch---but he was a chow hound grouch.

[Odin2005]

27. Yes, she was fine after a couple months.

[TuxedoKat]

4. I don't have much experience

getting adult cats to get along. It may be that eventually they will, I hope so, for both cats' sakes. I think an older cat will accept a kitten more readily. First they are smaller and not as much of a threat. Three years ago one of my cats died. The other cat (12 then) did not care as he never accepted her anyway and was always mean to her. She had FeLV though, and after she died I wonder if he instinctively knew this and didn't want to risk getting sick from her so he made her keep her distance. Anyway, I got a new healthy kitten and he didn't like her at first either and she kept her distance for about two weeks. Then he started to not chase or hiss at her and they started playing together. They are great friends and have been since early on, grooming each other, sleeping next to each other and playing tag together.

The kitten usually lets the older cat be the alpha cat (at first at least) even though the younger one may be bigger and stronger. The kitten usually keeps trying to play with the older cat and eventually the older cat gives in. This has been my experience with my older male cat and younger female cat. It was the same when I brought in this male cat as a kitten with an older male cat, however that male kitten became the alpha cat pretty quickly.

As far as your cat's appetite, water can help stimulate a cat's appetite, so make sure he always has plenty of water. I have had to use a empty syringe at times to give water to a cat. Chicken baby food (no onions, toxic to cats) sometimes will tempt their appetites too. Good luck.

[Curmudgeoness]

6. A kitten was not something I thought about. I figured my cat,

who is 8, would have little tolerance for a frisky youngster. Or maybe I am just projecting my feelings onto him! I will weigh the advantage of a kitten in my decision. Right this minute, I am thinking that I should not try to introduce another cat (kitten or older) into the household. He did not seem ready, at least with this one cat. (But oh that cat was so so sweet---much nicer than my aloof kitty. However, I know they will find a very good home in the end for that darling.)

Water is not a problem. I have a water fountain that he loves and is always there drinking or playing with it. It is food/calories that I want in him! And I will continue to try different foods. At least I did find a cat rescue that would take opened cat food for all the kinds that I have tried and cannot get him to touch.

Feline Babies! Make me crazy.

[Seedersandleechers]

17. I adopted this kitten 2 weeks ago.

She was found in the road after having her left ear and whiskers burned. I have 3 adult cats and they are fine with the kitten unless she starts pouncing on them. When she does this they swat her but very gently.

[Curmudgeoness]

20. Absolutely adorable. I did see that picture on your post

when you adopted her (or were just thinking you would?). Precious. I am lucky that this little one did not show up on my porch, or Ashes would have to have a friend whether he liked it or not.

But for this minute, I really am thinking not. Not right now.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

28. That is the prettiest kitty.

Wow.

[MorningGlow]

7. Yes, they do grieve, and it's heartbreaking to watch

When our alpha male, Dilbert, died a year and a half ago, Jasmine, our Number 2 kitty, had spent the most time with him when they were growing up (all our cats have been strays and we adopted Jasmine, who was 8 mos., less than a year after we got Dilbert, who was 6 mos. when we got him, so they were about the same age), and she really took it hard.

She kept looking for him and was generally much quieter than usual, but the worst thing was that she stopped purring. That might not seem like such a big deal, but she's usually a purring machine. I mean, she's loud, and her motor runs almost all the time. Even when we held her and petted her, she just wouldn't purr.

But we gave her and our other cat lots of attention, and they eventually came around and are now back to normal.

I would say it's probably too early to bring in another cat (although it's sweet of you to want to adopt the poor thing). But then again, only you know Ashes--maybe he'd appreciate the distraction. Either way, definitely love him till he begs you to stop. :loveya: :hug:

[Curmudgeoness]

10. I definitely will love him too much.

It is good to hear that this does pass with time. It isn't unlike us, I guess.

I can completely understand how devastating it is to have purring stop. That would be a bad sign. Although Ashes still purrs, refusal to eat trumps that for me. Although either one indicates a real problem. Funny how your kitty got quieter, and Ashes got vocal---not in a good way. He walks around the house crying the most pitiful sound. Talk about "break my heart" moments.

Thanks for letting me know that it will probably pass.

[MorningGlow]

14. You know what's weird?

After Dilbert died, Jasmine stepped into the No. 1 kitty spot, as expected. She eats first, leaves the first mark in the litter box after I change it, etc. But she also started doing the nightly "moop" at 11:30. I don't know why Dilbert used to do it, and I CERTAINLY don't know why Jasmine took up the mantle, but for some reason he used to use the litter box at 11:30 p.m., then wander around upstairs "mooping" for a few minutes. Jasmine never did it, but now she does! At first she made his noise (the "moop" sound), but lately she's been making her own noise (kind of an "aiee?") WHY, however, is a total mystery. :shrug:

[Curmudgeoness]

15. LOL, must be what she thinks is an alpha cat act.

The only alpha cat she knew did it, she is alpha cat, this is what alpha cats do. Just a thought. That sounds really cute.

[sakabatou]

18. What's a "moop?"

[MorningGlow]

21. LOL I don't know--an onomatopoetic word for a noise our cat used to make

Seriously--he'd wander around going "mooooop"...
:rofl:

[sakabatou]

22. My cat never does that

But she does go, "Herow."

[MorningGlow]

24. I love their unique languages

I had never heard a cat "moop" till Dilbert, and that's why I was shocked when Jasmine took it up. Our third cat, Clover, is a neurotic pisspot who scolds us with her noise: "Mow!" I swear she's saying "NOW!" As in, "Food--NOW!" and "Fire in the woodstove--NOW!" and "Bed--NOW!" :eyes: Sounds like your cat is saying hello! :D

[Jokerman]

8. We had a very similar situation.

T.J. and Teddy were born four months apart and we got them both as kittens. For nearly 14 years they were constant companions, playing, eating, and sleeping together nearly all of the time.

When Teddy passed away about a year ago, T.J. stopped eating. We used to get a laugh about how T.J. would wake Teddy up and herd him to the food so they could eat together. T.J. almost never ate alone and without Teddy, he just stopped. My parents once had a dog that refused to eat alone and that gave me an idea.

We relocated the food from the out-of-the-way place it had been for years and put it in the TV room, right next to our chairs and T.J. started eating again. We made a point of talking to him and keeping him company while he ate. Now he will eat a few bites then lay down on one of us for a little while, then get up and eat some more. He has actually become more affectionate and even a little clingy toward us but he is maintaining his weight.

I would, of course, do anything you can to find and treat any physical problems but sometimes the emotional side needs attention as well.

[Curmudgeoness]

11. This is something I had not thought about. Well

at least not consciously. But I had noticed that he would make little attempts to eat if I just stayed there and petted him and talked to him. I could handle a food dish right there in the living room if it helped.

Thanks. And thanks for letting me know that this is not so unusual.

[JitterbugPerfume]

9. My Tansy would

lead me to the bed where my husband died, and make the saddest sounds.

[Curmudgeoness]

12. OMG, that must have been heartbreaking for you.

Probably brought out some sad sounds from you too. My angel cat Sasha stayed on the bed with my dad the whole week he was in bed before he died. She would not leave him even after he was gone. When the funeral home came, we had to physically take her from the room and shut her in another room. But after he was out of the house, she did not seem to act different. I guess different cats, different emotions.

I just know that we do not understand enough about how pets feel. The science is just too new on it, since until recently, we were told that animals do not have emotions.

[yellowcanine]

13. My Siamese cat gives me grief all of the time. But that is not what you asked.

[Curmudgeoness]

16. Thanks for the laugh. Always appreciated.

:rofl:

[wickerwoman]

19. A little.

Both of my cats were in the hospital at different times a few years ago and when each one was gone the one left at home would be mopey and depressed.

You know your cats best, but I wouldn't introduce a new cat into the mix when Ashes is already having eating issues. Not eating for more than a day and too rapid weight loss are serious, serious problems for cats (one of my cats was hospitalized for liver problems- if they don't eat for a few days they forget how and this leads to all kinds of life threatening complications). Sounds like you're on top of this, but a new cat may make Ashes go into hiding or more reluctant to try to eat.

Maybe you can try some different foods and experiment with treats? My cat improved by switching to kitten food from a different brand. Once she was eating again, I was able to switch her back. Maybe your vet has some advice? There are several brands for picky eaters.

And I second giving Ashes lots of attention and stimulation. When he's less stressed out, another cat might be a good idea, especially if you're not home all the time.

[Curmudgeoness]

25. I do know that not eating is a serious problem for a cat,

which is why I resorted to throwing the appetite stimulant pill down his throat after a day or two of no food. I also did some force feeding, but let's not discuss that. I have tried so many foods, and have a kitchen table full of foods that he will not touch---dry, canned, pouched. I think that the kitten food may be a decent idea---I had not thought of that but he could use the extras that are in kitten foods for right now.

And yes, I am not home all day (working---or I am supposed to be), and this is why I was worried about him being lonely. But you are right, stress from depression plus stress from a new cat is a very bad idea.

Thanks for the suggestions.

:hug:

[ceile]

23. Very sad to watch.

My boy slept for 3 days straight and didn't eat a thing after his "sister" passed. I took him to the vet because he's diabetic and I didn't want him go into some kind of shock, but the vet said he was just sad. It passed after about a week. He now has a new "sister" that he looks after. I originally got the kitten for a rambunctious 3 year old cat who I thought needed a playmate, but she would have nothing to do with her. So my old man adopted her and they have been best pals ever since.

[Curmudgeoness]

26. You are lucky it was only about a week. This has been over a month

now, although I will say that I do have him eating now---just nothing like before and with no gusto. Did you vet have you do anything to jump-start the eating?

Funny how our best intentions (the new sister for your 3 year old) are always turned on their heads by these fur balls.