I would call anyone else an idiot and a fool

[clyrc]

if they told me all the health problems they had from being overweight, and they weren't trying to lose that weight. I have gallstones, a fatty liver, a family history of diabetes, and I feel sick so much of the time from eating too much. It seems like any rational person would say, hey, it's time to lose weight, it won't even make you feel worse than you do now. But. I've tried to do it so many times before, and I lose weight, but don't keep it off. I'm in despair over this at the moment, planning on trying again, but discouraged from the start. A few reasons why: For me, food is pleasure, comfort, memories, recreation. I love cooking, I love dining out, I love eating with friends. I love the taste of food, and no matter what anyone says, it comforts just about better than anything else there is. I'm a particularly anxious person, and I find myself eating when I'm upset and when I'm excited. There are plenty of other things I love, but nothing so soothing as food.

Also, when I chose to start eating right, half of my family won't go along with me. My husband's idea of a good breakfast is Pepsi and chips, and our oldest daughter will only eat a handful of foods, most of them not very healthy. When I seriously diet, I make two meals, which gets really tiresome after a while. I feel like I have to do that, because if left to their own devices, my husband and oldest daughter would hardly ever eat anything healthy.

Another problem is food safety. I love a good salad, and they are usually very helpful when I am dieting. However, just last week there was an article in our newspaper about unbelievable levels of e coli in my favorite salad greens. No salads for me this time, and no raw vegetables in general just to be safe.

When I was young, I was 5'9" and 135, and I ate like a maniac. I walked a lot, but because I was sickly most of the time, I didn't do much other exercise. My metabolism must have been pretty good, anyway, because overeating isn't what it used to be. I used to go to a buffet and eat about five or so plates of food, and never gain much weight. Now, buffets are hardly worth it. I simply can't eat more than few plates, before I get miserably full. An yet I still gain weight.

Wish me luck, DUers. I'm going to try again. I know the exercise I get is helpful no matter what happens in the future, and I can always hope that this time, I will do the smart thing, stick to dieting and exercise, turn my health around and maybe make some headway in making half of my family more healthy eaters. The good news is I love healthy food like fruits and vegetables, and heaven knows I have tons of experience in what works for me in losing weight. I really am tired of being sick and tired, and it would be great to be able to congratulate myself on making myself healthier.

[Mojambo]

1. Sounds like you need to address emotional issues rather than physical ones

I'd recommend some kind of cognitive therapy.

I could never lose weight either, but once I got into counseling, eating healthier and exercising became so much easier.

[clyrc]

2. I have thought about that

Having bad nerves is increasingly taking over my life, but it would be difficult to find a therapist where I live.

[Mojambo]

3. I wish you the best of luck no matter how you approach it. n/t

[clyrc]

4. Thank you

I need all the luck I can get!

[Lucian]

5. When I had generalized anxiety disorder...

and severe depression, I ate all the time. I'm 5'5" tall, and at the time I was up to 235 pounds, size 38 jeans. Severely overweight. My problem was the same as yours. I found extreme comfort in food, and I ate all the time. But then I finally took a good look at myself in the mirror and I was disgusted. I hated what I saw. I sought some help, got on some meds to help me deal with the anxiety, and went on a diet. Now, I'm down to 175 pounds, but it's muscle. I wear a 30 waist. I work out at least an hour a day. Exercising is the key to losing weight.

If you stick it out this time, you'll make it. :)

[clyrc]

7. It was only about 5 years ago that I realized that eating is my response

to everything. I've lost and gained back over 100 pounds since then, and I'm still looking for a long term solution. I walk my dog every day, and I would like to go back to the gym, but one of the problems with that is we have a small gym and I don't like a lot of people who go there. I've braved going before, and I probably will again, but that makes it harder.

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm not totally convinced I can't do it, it's just that past experience taught me this is an uphill battle.

[nolabear]

6. Congratulations on the new start. And lend me an ear for a minute, all right?

You need help and support. You need to go in search of it. I understand, from professional and personal experience, how important it is to think about the reality of this. Your physical life is in danger, and your emotional life is nowhere near what it could be. No one deserves to feel sick all the time. Your body is trying to be your best friend right now by feeling all the awfullness and telling you you're not giving it what it needs, but you need to listen to it. You are harming it, and if you're lucky you haven't harmed it permanently--but if you continue, you will. Your life will get smaller and smaller, and the smaller it gets the more you'll look to food to mask the pain, and ultimately it will cripple you and then kill you. The circle is vicious and it belongs entirely to you.

You cannot base your health on what your husband and daughter do, though I expect they too will pay a price for their own choices. But they didn't get you to where you are, and they can't get you out.

You deserve better. You have to go and find better. The two-meal trick is a set-up for failure. The internet is full of wonderful low calorie meals. Four three hundred calorie meals a day (Yes, four) or three and a snack will keep your body in good shape but your mind needs encouragement, occupation and unerring good sense. If you don't have it for yourself, find it online or in person. No pity-buddies or enablers who will say things like "Oh this one time won't hurt" or "You're wonderful just the way you are." If you're so wonderful you should treat yourself like it.

Is it really, REALLY true you can't see a therapist or is it just a major effort? Are you worthy of making a major effort for yourself?

(By the way, it might not be to your taste, but there's a really fine book called "Women, Food and God" that talks about what it means to battle food issues. And "God" is a broad, though not fluffy by any means, reference so it's not religious. I really think the author is right in many ways)

My very best wishes, and faith that, though hard, doing what you are trying to do is far from impossible.

[clyrc]

8. I know what you're saying is true

But the whole thing is just hard!

I know the two meal set up won't work long term, but one of my main jobs is feeding my family, and it's hard enough under normal circumstances without me dieting. Those fruits and vegetables I love, my husband and daughter will hardly eat. I have tried in the past, but my husband responds by bringing more junk food into the house, which I'm not even all that crazy about until I'm hungry and really can't have it. Having 4 small meals a day does work best for me, I lost over 50 pounds one 6 month period eating that way. But the rest of my family won't eat that way. And they are so so so stubborn about food, and other things.

As far as finding support, that isn't as easy as it sounds, either. I live on a University campus, and for reasons I won't get into, I pretty much hide in my house most days. And getting therapy would be hard, because I live on the outskirts of town, and I don't drive in town because of anxiety. Also, I'm not sure about therapists here, I don't live in the US, I live in the United Arab Emirates.

Thank you for the book rec, if I can find the book I might read it.

[nolabear]

17. If I were you I'd count the "buts" in your post and think truly honestly about them.

And I don't mean the things, but how your orientation is toward "but"...

You're reiterating all the things I said would be a problem. Will the family leave or hurt you if you cook healthy meals or will they just complain? Can you ask your husband to pop his junk food into a locked box to which you don't have the key? Are you afraid of them ridiculing you? Would you rather be crippled or dead than embarrassed? I say it again, THIS CANNOT BE ABOUT THEM.

I'll say again, too, there are internet sites, good ones, that provide support. You have a computer. It can wither be your escape or your friend. This has to be your JOB, every bit as much as if it was your way of making a living. It is.

I know this sounds as though I'm not understanding how hard it is; I DO. It's H_A_R_D. I hear you talk about anxiety and suspect there's a lot you're not mentioning. I'm sorry you're going through it. Although you might not think of yourself this way (and I'm not saying it either) you might look at the philosophy of 12 Step Programs. I'm the least religious person you can imagine but the concept of surrendering, being honest with yourself and others, and respecting that it is indeed one day at a time, can be powerful.

Keep on. Be good to yourself. Take real care of yourself. Respect yourself as a marvelous machine. You wouldn't expect your car to run if you didn't, and neither your mind nor your body will either.

[Skittles]

9. clyrc

you're not an idiot or a fool; you're aware of your problems and that is half the battle

strange how stress affects people differently - I am the exact opposite, and completely lose my appetite

are you keeping a food log? I urge you to record what you eat and get a handle on how many calories you're eating vs how many you actually need.


Here's a free one:

www.fitday.com

[clyrc]

11. Thank you Skittles

I've tried the food log before, and it did help. I found out the first time I tried it how many calories you can take in just grazing all day.

[MissHoneychurch]

10. I hear you clyrc

I know I need to lose weight but I love food way to much to skip on that. I am still trying to find an excercise I can enjoy.

Is there a chance that you and your husband can go to the gym together? Or go together for a walk. I think doing something together makes it easier.

[clyrc]

12. You didn't look overweight to me when we met

You looked good.

J keeps saying he will go to the gym with me, and then he doesn't. And I prefer to exercise in the morning, and he likes night best. I know it sounds like I have a trillion excuses, but really all the things I complain about are legitimate problems. They aren't insurmountable, but they don't make getting healthy easy!

Oh and I also have to say that Germany is the only place I have a bread problem. I can live without it in the rest of the world, but I love German bread.

[MissHoneychurch]

13. Since we met

I gained quite some pounds. I am up to 185lb by now. I am 5'4. So yes, it is way too much. I never was and never will be skinny but I need to lose 40 pounds. Or at least 20. That would help already.

German bread is special, I agree on that. I think we are the only country worldwide that has such a variety of bread.

Do you have any friends you could go with?

[clyrc]

16. I used to have a friend I could go with, but not now

The increasing isolation I feel here is not helping my nerves or my eating problem.

[Skittles]

14. forget the gym

get some home fitness tapes to get you in the habit of working out regularly

[clyrc]

15. I got a Wii fit a few years ago

I used it a lot, but now I don't want to step on it to see how much weight I've gained since then. I do have a stair step, though, and some music on my phone. That should do for a start.

[nolabear]

18. Use that Wii Fit!

You weight what you weigh. Those suckers can be a blast. You can do this.

[GoneOffShore]

20. Wi Fit rocks! - I've been using mine every day for the past

12 weeks -
I've got my waist back and I'm feeling better.

Hula Hoops, Obstacle course, Basic Run all are good.

And you don't have to do the Body test every day unless you want to. You could also do it at the beginning of the week, work out every other day and then test at the end of the week. You'll be surprised how much you'll improve.

[Skittles]

21. LISTEN TO ME CLYRC

STOP OBSESSING OVER YOUR WEIGHT - the primary goal of fitness is to BE FIT - doesn't matter what you weigh or how much you want to weigh, YOU NEED TO EXERCISE. Don't tie it to your weight. Weight loss is just a SIDE BENEFIT of living a healthier lifestyle. If someone weighs 400 pounds and with diet and exercise loses 50 pounds, they are still morbidly obese but HEALTHIER. REGARDLESS of your weight, using that WII will help work your heart and lungs and bones. START TODAY!!! Set SMALL GOALS at first - say, I'll get on that WII for 15 minutes today. THEN DO IT AGAIN TOMORROW. GET TO IT CLYRC!!!!! You can DO IT. YOU DESERVE TO FEEL BETTER!!!! And when you DO start losing weight by eating healthier and exercising, do it in STEPS. Lose a little, then MAINTAIN that weight for a while, then lose a little more and MAINTAIN AGAIN. I think this is a good approach for people like you who say they lose and then regain. GIVE YOURSELF TIME to maintain weight AS you lose it.

[clyrc]

22. I walked a lot yesterday

and I agree with you, becoming fit should be the big goal. I think my strategy this time is going to be more realistic than before, since it really is a health issue more than before.

[GoneOffShore]

19. Here's a link for you to look at - Mark Bittman's article

Chop, Fry, Boil: Eating for One or 6 Billion - http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/02/weekinreview/02bittman.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=Chop%20Fry%20Boil&st=cse

It may help you expand your food horizons and those of your family.

And you can always just tell them that you're cooking for you and if they want any they may have it and if they don't, well, the chips are in the cabinet.

[clyrc]

23. Thanks for the link!

nt

[clyrc]

24. I don't actually go around calling people idiots and fools to their faces

but I would have thought it before I had this mountain come down on me. It seems preventable and stupid that I let things get so bad, and I'm certainly not proud of myself for it.

[lins the liberal]

25. Overeaters Anonymous

Consider Overeaters Anonymous. There are a lot of online and phone meetings, if you do not have access to local meetings.

OA is the only group I know of that addresses overeating as the addiction that it is. I have been a member for many years. And the online and phone meetings have been a tremendous help to me as I live in a rural area.