Up Date on Advice ~~ Rat Bastard dating my friend

[Hepburn]

Rho and I tried to find a time to tell Ann this last Friday after the discovery of the real status of Stu. Things did not work out on the timing. But...we got more info on Stu Friday PM and it was just as bad as what we already had. So Rho and I got together with Ann yesterday, Saturday, at her house. She cried a lot and was shocked ~~ if there is a bigger word than shocked, I would use that. Ann is OK ~~ not great, not suicidal, not looking for him to kill, not angry off-the-scale. I was gone last PM and Rho hung out with her. Today, Rho's son is doing a BBQ for the three of us. The son, Ryan, is a wonderful human being and he volunteered last evening to cook for all of us and, he is a musician, to entertain us after the meal. He did this because of how badly he felt for Ann and for his mom and for me because of the situation that Stu had created. So, Rho and I and Rho's son are spending this afternoon and evening with Ann. Rho told me when I got home last evening that Ann had been crying a lot...feels used, but she is dealing with reality.

Stu is supposedly out of town right now until this coming Thurs ~~ so our timing appears to be good. Ann is digesting a lot of ugly info and the asshole being gone should give her time to pull herself together a bit before he is back. She wants to talk to him alone at her home. I don't think this is a great idea unless she has some back up discreetly standing by immediately close to her. That can be arranged totally.

Thank you to all my DU pals who came on the OP to help. Your support was totally wonderful and it truly helped to get me through something very hard to do. All three of us are still friends and probably closer friends because of how Rho and I were able to handle this very touchy situation. Again, thanks DU for holding my hand and giving advice.

I love you all. :hug:

[Chan790]

1. Glad to hear it.

I'd still want someone with Ann when she talks to Stu. Minimally, I'd make it clear that you're clearing your calendar in case she needs you and that you expect a phone call afterward.

[Hepburn]

2. Oh, at a minimum on someone close by...

...my choice, however, is a guy who is a body guard and who is a 4th degree black belt. I want him sitting next to her house. I am not sure what Stu will do, but better safe than sorry.

[hippywife]

3. Glad it all worked out

and that you are all still friends. I know you've reassured her that she is totally not at fault in this fiasco.

I agree that her talking to him alone is not a good idea at all.

I hope she is able to put this behind her quickly and not be jaded by the experience. Maybe good friends as you are, and great detectives I might add, you might be able to come across a truly good and considerate gentleman for her.

Great job, ladies! :hug:

[Hepburn]

5. Thank you...

...we have a few days until he supposedly gets back in town. So, I think we can talk her into making sure that she is OK when he is there. I am thinking of knowing the time, calling her and IF she does not say a certain word in the conversation, to immediately send in the troops. I would feel better if someone was in the room, but she needs to do it her way and I can understand that.

We made very sure she knew that she was not stupid, at fault, that she was not bad, etc...that he did the wrong to her and he is the bad person. Thank gawd for Rho ~~ I could have never in a billion years done this alone. When I pick up Rho to go to Ann's house, we sat in my car and cried before we left ~~ composed ourselves and did what we had to do.

I would love to punch Stu right where it counts...what he did was NOT deserved at all.

Edit for typo

[hippywife]

8. She's extremely lucky

to have two such friends. :hug:

[Hepburn]

10. We are lucky to have her as a friend...

...she is FOR REAL, bright, charming, loyal...all those good things! And, btw, she is a registered Democrat, too!

:hi: Thanks for the compliment!

[Bunny]

4. I'm so glad it worked out okay.

That must be a huge relief. Sounds like you have the right idea as far as having a big guy on standby when Ann talks to Shithead, too. You and Rho are good friends.

[Hepburn]

6. Thank you...

...Ann is a good friend to us and Rho is the best friend I have ever had in my life. I am lucky to have such wonderful people in my life.

I think by the time Stu gets back from his "business trip," that Ann will go with us having some kind of back up around.

[backwoodsbob]

7. you want I should kick his ass?

can be arranged

[Hepburn]

9. ...

...:hug:

Will keep you in mind!

[mzteris]

11. not at her house alone!!

She should meet him out in public (if she feels she has to meet up with him at all!)

Who knows what this man is capable of?!?

[Hepburn]

12. That is what both Rho and I told her...

...but she wants to do it that way. We have some time until he supposedly returns from his biz trip on this coming Thurs. Hope to make her see it otherwise...and will be trying today for sure when we talk to her.

[mzteris]

17. unfortunately,

there is probably a part of her holding out hope for some "explanation" to prove you wrong . . .

[lunatica]

13. Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest and the harshest

But it's still the right thing to do. Ann knows she has true friends in you and Rho and her son. Friends are people you can never replace. People like Stu are nobodies when compared to friends.

[Hepburn]

15. Thank you...

...it was horribly hard to tell her, but there really was no choice but to tell her. I thank DU for propping me up and confirming my thoughts that Ann had to be told.

[Phentex]

14. You're a good friend!

I'm glad she understands. You have saved her a lot of heartache.

[Hepburn]

16. Thank you...

...today she has a lot of heartache...but IMO it was going to come out some time. Funny thing, she finally told us that some of the excuses he gave for not being around sounded odd to her. IMO, in her heart of hearts, she knew something was wrong.

[applegrove]

18. I'm so glad she knows. Glad your friendship is deeper. All are safe and that is what

matters. Though I wouldn't confront him if I was her.

[Lil Missy]

19. It's best your told her now. I wouldn't leave her alone with him when she drops the news on him.

[Bertha Venation]

20. What's the backstory?

Glad to hear your friend is shed of an asshole.