There's a chick in my PhD program who's a big bully.

[Writer]

She talks about other students behind their back. In fact, I don't know anyone who she hasn't spoken about. She will firmly correct your theory - even when you're out on a social occasion. If you send an interesting article to the doc email list, she has a tendency to criticize NOT the content of the article as much as the integrity of the article, shoving aside the points you want to make. She did this to me twice recently.

She's intelligent and she's very quick with regurgitating theory and her perspective on theory, but it's a means for her to assert authority over others. And according to some of my brighter friends, she's off from time to time.

Is this a particularly insecure person? Or is this someone who I might need to stand up to sometime down the road? I'm not as quick on my feet, but I can think.

[rug]

1. Tell the teacher to take away her recess.

[Writer]

2. LOL! n/t

[woo me with science]

3. +1

perfect response

[Catshrink]

4. "chick"?

It's hard to believe you used that term here.

[Writer]

5. But I did! n/t

[rcrush]

8. Woohoo!

Chicks man. What ya gonna go?

[Haole Girl]

28. Interesting word useage...

think I'll try to go back to bed now.

:crazy:

[mzteris]

6. Maybe when she grows up to be a HEN she can just peck

people.

:eyes:

Speaking of "pecking order" . . .

Chick? really? And you a "writer" and "PhD" candidate?

[Writer]

12. Yes, I am, ma'am.

And if "chick" is a problem with you, then I suggest you tell those DU'ers that have "chick" in their username to consider a name change.

[mzteris]

17. you know, if someone wants to call themselves a "chick"

that's for them to decide.

But calling other women "chicks", is kinda like using the "r" word or the "n" word or the "f" word, imo.

Should I lend you my thesaurus?

[Writer]

26. No, I don't need a thesaurus.

And I don't think a majority of women think the word "chick" is derogatory, hence those that CALL themselves CHICK. Do you think those people don't have self-respect?

Take your self-centered identity politics somewhere else.

[mzteris]

36. I also have a problem with african americans using the "n" word. n/t

[noamnety]

37. Oh! I figured it out!

There's a chick in my PhD program who's a big bully.

She talks about other students behind their back. ...

She will firmly correct your theory - even when you're out on a social occasion.

...she has a tendency to criticize NOT the content of the article as much as the integrity of the article, shoving aside the points you want to make.

She's intelligent and she's very quick with regurgitating theory and her perspective on theory, but it's a means for her to assert authority over others. And according to some of my brighter friends, she's off from time to time.

--------

I don't think a majority of women think the word "chick" is derogatory, hence those that CALL themselves CHICK. Do you think those people don't have self-respect?

Take your self-centered identity politics somewhere else.

It's you, isn't it?!!! Nicely done!

[mzteris]

39. my thoughts exactly . . . n/t

[Bunny]

51. !

:applause:

[paulsby]

29. are you fucking KIDDING me?

it is in no way, shape or form "kinda like" using the "n" word

that's simply ridiculous.

[Captain Hilts]

35. But it's one thing for women to refer to themselves that way it's another for a man to call a woman

that.

[paulsby]

57. i agree

and i am not saying "chick" is not offensive to some women and men

i said it is nothing like the "n" word, which is universally recognized as a "fighting" word, and on a whole other level.

for example, blacks were lynched while hateful mobs screamed that word

chick is simply not analogous

at ALL

[Starbucks Anarchist]

58. The OP is a woman.

And it seems kind of -- I don't know, SEXIST -- to assume the OP is a man.

[Sky Masterson]

59. Shh..

Let them assume that she's a sexist dude .
:D People need their outrage(Don't ruin it for them) :P

[seabeyond]

61. nope. know it is a woman, talking behind the back of a woman, about a woman talking behind others

back.

grinnin

[Sky Masterson]

62. She must be a real piece of work

So petty and spiteful as to trash another person and take some twisted comfort in it.That must be how it looks to some at a drive by glance.
This is the biggest problem IMHO with text only chat.
People assume way too much "know it is a woman, talking behind the back of a woman, about a woman talking behind others back".
You have no f'n idea who the OP is or how she feels or even what type of person she is.

[seabeyond]

63. firstly... words in her post... actual words, show she is talking behind another womans back

about her talking behind peoples back. so

that makes my statement correct. though, it was more a funny than a serious, judging type statement

i know she is a woman from what she has said and her profile. yes she could lie. but then your post.... shhhhh, dont let on she is a woman, makes the same assumption and possible error as mine.

[Sky Masterson]

64. OK...But..

If she is talking behind a persons back,What does the persons gender have to do with it? :hide:
I'm not assigning error,I'm only calling out assumptions.
I know the OP and she isn't like that.

[seabeyond]

66. ya

i like the op fine, too. and "chick" on my outrage scale hits about 1. out of 10. BUT to pretend chick isnt a deragatory word used, and this poster didnt chose "chick" to put her in a place or demean i think is being, .... hm, something slight, not a big deal, but.... obtuse

that is all

dont even have a whole foot, maybe a toe, in this battle.

[Sky Masterson]

67. I would rate it about .5

I do see your point.
For me the word "chick" is no worse than the word "dude".
:)

[mzteris]

72. which are you?

and yes, it makes a difference, imo.

[Sky Masterson]

73. I am just a dude who knows a chick.

Nothing more,nothing less.

[mzteris]

74. imo - uh - recipients -

of pejorative terms are the ones who get to decide if it's insulting or not.

[Sky Masterson]

76. Well then what should be her penalty for this grave offense?

Is there a quarter jar or something.:shrug:
I just don't see the big deal.

[mzteris]

71. I interpreted her use of the word as deliberately demeaning -

I mean she said NOTHING ELSE NICE about the person . . . why would her use of that word be her "nice nod" to the woman's gender?

[mzteris]

70. unless you've been reading her posts

for lo these many years.

I suppose since she's a "writer" - every word could be made up bs. . .

[Sky Masterson]

75. I have read her post.

I think she is a hoot! We are a lot alike.
Writer has been a great and true friend to me so I make no apologies for defending her.

[mzteris]

78. I know -

you guys go waaaaaay back. I remember the great (or not so great) April Fools joke she tried to pull on the Lounge. A lot of people didn't think that was funny, either.

I tell you the truth, I had her on ignore for years just because I didn't like much of anything she ever posted. It was always a bit "wrong" or "twisted" in my book. Some of her post titles kinda made my stomach hurt. I took her off not too long ago along with everyone else - I don't really LIKE ignore, but maybe it would be for the best. For whatever reason, she just rubs me the wrong way and always has. She may well be a lovely person, but I'm not feeling the love. I liked you in the past (I keep forgetting who you are now with the new name and all...) and hope my inability to connect positively with "writer" doesn't affect our posts.

[Sky Masterson]

79. It's all good

We have always gotten along great.I can't imagine why that would change. :)
This is a big place with many personalities so some are bound to clash.

[mzteris]

38. in your opinion -

there are a lot of WOMEN who feel the way I do about it. Same as calling us "gals" or "ask your girl to do it" when the "girl" is older than they are.

The word "BOY" is a perfectly good word, unless you use it inappropriately. . .

I grew up with the word "nigra" which was southern for "negro" and had nothing to do with the "n" word ('cause there was a "difference", doncha know. . . ) but you better damn well believe I don't use that word anymore, nor the word "colored". People thought it was "ridiculous" then, too, that there was an outcry against those words . . .

[CBR]

40. I agree Paulsby. As a woman, I do not think chick is offensive

and certainly not as offensive as the n or f words. Not even close.

[paulsby]

56. that's my point

i didn't say chick wasn't offensive, at least to some women and men

i said in no way was it like the "n" word.

[Symarip]

44. For a fun social experiment

Yell 'chick' at a random female and 'nigger' at a random black person and see how similar their responses are since they're 'kinda like' each other.

Right?

[noamnety]

47. "Kinda like" vs. Identical

"kinda like" implies there are underlying similarities, not that the matter of degree is identical.

[Symarip]

50. Ha.

I dug a hole in my backyard. It's kinda like the Grand Canyon.

[noamnety]

52. Better:

There's a small stream in my backyard, it's eroding the soil and cutting a path deeper and deeper into the ground. That is kinda like the grand canyon in that the process is the same, even though it is clearly not on the scale of the grand canyon.


Using demeaning words against women we dislike to emphasize their gender as a negative aspect of them (drawing on other's subconscious reaction to that gender), is kinda like using racist terms against people we dislike to emphasize their race as a negative aspect of who they are (drawing on other's subconscious reaction to that race).

You are right that the N word is perceived as less acceptable and that it's more likely to provoke a stronger reaction. Overt racism is currently less acceptable in our society than overt sexism. And it's more socially acceptable for a black person to call you on using the N word than it is for a woman to speak out about the use of sexist slurs. Even on DU, racist slurs are forbidden, some sexist ones are forbidden, others are allowed.

That doesn't change that there are very strong similarities between what makes us fall back on racist/sexist/homophobic terms when we are talking about someone in a negative light.

[seabeyond]

53. she used the word chick to demean. if she used woman, there would not have been the same feel.

the intent is clear. so for posters who argue that there is nothing in the word chick is purposely being obtuse.

i tell my niece not to use chick, at least around me. but then she is one to buy into all this demeaning sexist shit as definition of her feminity.

hopefully, she will grow up

[Name removed]

55. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[mzteris]

69. depends on the "random" person, doesn't it?

I wouldn't advise yelling either one.

Does this mean that if something isn't "offensive to you" then it's not offensive?

hmmmmm......

edit to add: I see you aren't a female...

[Darth_Kitten]

7. Just continue being fabulous.....and don't waste your time with her

She has her own insecurities, obviously.
:(

Just when you HAVE to stand your ground, do it. But don't let her take away your precious energy in the meantime.

[blueamy66]

9. My first thought...

just kick her ass.

[tango-tee]

10. Not necessarily insecure, but definitely a pain in the ass.

When it comes to people like that, I turn into somewhat of a bulldozer after they've crossed a certain threshold, and call them on their bullshit. After all the hoopla has died down, they leave me alone.

Stand up to her, and do it soon. You'll do yourself a big favor.

[pitohui]

11. say what?

i don't understand what this chick has to do w. you

is it only allowed to graduate a small percentage of people in the program and it is necessary for her to drag down other students to be sure of getting her degree? in which case, maybe find a program that only accepts students that they want to nurture and succeed -- or if you must stick w. a competitive type of deal (i don't know much abt doctorate programs) then it's incumbent on YOU to do what's needed to make sure you're on top

if i'm the bully at the poker table it's because it's my JOB to make sure the money comes to me and not to you, and if you can't/won't defend yourself, that's YOUR weakness and not mine

as for gossip abt you behind your back, EVERYWHERE you ever plan to work -- be it an office, be it academia, there WILL be gossip, this is simply part of real life and is something you can't escape -- in fact you're talking about HER behind HER back and you know what? it's fine, there's never anything wrong abt talking abt people behind their back if that happens to be an effective way to get your point of view across -- the face to face confrontation doesn't always work and certainly doesn't always work for all people, there is nothing attractive abt cat-fighting

[BlooInBloo]

13. Ohnoes. There's mean alpha types in doctoral programs??? Game over man! GAME OVER!

[Writer]

16. Yeah, she's a mean alpha type.

Although one thing I've learned is that she doesn't have a lot of faculty support in the department.

[BlooInBloo]

19. ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iw5kH7civTo

[Moondog]

14. Welcome to academia.

Just a small taste of "faculty politics", and, fortunately, early enough that you can factor this in before making any irrevocable career decisions. For what it's worth ....

[Writer]

15. ... like joining a faculty?

;)

No kidding. Our department is very political.

[Moondog]

22. Well, yes.

And they all are.

[PurityOfEssence]

24. As a pal in academia says: "A critic is a eunuch in a whorehouse"

If this kind of mindset bugs you, leave academia immediately.

Yes, there are good critics, ones who truly want to assess ideas behind a work of art and the quality of its rendering, but the vast majority are those twisted sorts who are terrifyingly hiding their lack of creativity behind the exaltation of rank and safety of tenure. Such people are often bullies, and they're to be avoided like the flesh-eating bacterium they are.

Many who can't simply create or accomplish on their own slake their need for superiority by tearing down the pedestals of others. The need to rise above the crowd is a none-too-pleasant one in the first place, but those who do so by savaging others are an especially sorry lot.

Sure, there are fine and true spirits in academia, but so very many are truly toxic personalities, and one should seriously question whether one wants to condemn oneself to a lifetime of being surrounded by them. Regardless of the fine individuals, virtually any department will be inundated by those who need to hurt to feel good and to humiliate others to burnish their own laurels.

Glad it never interested me; I finished my studies and went out into the joyously grubby world of commerce.

[Writer]

27. I'm not going into a university setting after I'm finished.

At least, not in the traditional sense. I don't notice much difference, however, between university egos and corporate egos.

This nation supports narcissism as a positive trait. All of us have to be on the lookout for it.

[woo me with science]

81. ...

:spray:

[Duer 157099]

18. Use the ignore button

What? You don't have one in real life? Make one.

[undeterred]

20. Lots of academics are nasty to others.

Ultimately she will "flunk lunch", and it will matter to her career.

[baldguy]

21. Maybe she knows some people will pay extra for that.

[Odin2005]

23. Ugh, sounds like an insecure jerk who feels the need to bring others down.

Welcome to Academia. :(

[RoyGBiv]

25. Consider it practice ...

As others have said, you're going to experience this a lot.

Consider yourself fortunate that she's so open about it. It gives you a chance to see it in action and to develop a strategy for it. Eventually you'll run across the type that does the very same thing but in such a way that you don't immediately realize you just had a knife stuck in your back.

[old mark]

30. Someday that chick will be a full grown chicken and all her attention will be focused

on brooding.


mark

[JCMach1]

31. An arrogant dillweed in Academia// say it isn't so

:sarcasm:

[Radical Activist]

32. Gossips really are insidious.

I usually make no response at all to trash-talk and engage them as little as possible. They usually alienate themselves to others over time. If it's a real problem you can always ask her about some of her little gossip when other people are around, including the person she trash-talked. Then she has to defend her garbage or learn a lesson in how to STFU. I finally did that to someone once. She didn't like me after that but it solved an ongoing problem in my workplace and others were grateful to me.

Gossips need to operate in the shadows where their lies won't be challenged. That's why the person who trashed me at DU only did it in PMs. Shine a little light and they scurry away.

[Ikonoklast]

33. Be blunt.

Tell her exactly the same thing to her face, as you've related to everyone here.

I know that for some people that can be difficult, but I never had a problem confronting people with their own postitions or decicions, and made them defend them...to my face.

[Captain Hilts]

34. You're lucky there's only one bully to worry about. Mine had bullies and Virgin Births.

Ultimately, the Virgin Births were more of a problem.

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

41. I'd let her burn her own bridges

rather than confronting her. Sounds like she's an equal opportunity asshole who isn't singling you out so why take it personally? These types always alienate themselves in an academic environment, unless she's got faculty backing, and then you can't win either. Keep your eye on the prize and get through your program.

[lunatica]

42. You're a big boy

Surely you can figure it out without making a point of being sexist and starting a thread with flame bait. What does being a bully have to do with being a woman?

[Kali]

43. I am pretty sure Writer is a chick.

;-)

[lunatica]

45. A chick calling other women chicks?

Didn't that term go out of vogue at about the same time women went through the Feminist movement in the 1960's?

[noamnety]

46. It did, but women can be sexist, just like men

I'll admit I don't hear too many women using chick, but they certainly use other gender-based demeaning words for women they don't like on a regular basis.

And studies still show that when a man acts in stereotypical aggressive male ways, men and women view it as far more acceptable than when a woman acts the same way. It's possible that's part of the issue the OP's responding to, without fully realizing it.

[valerief]

48. I call us dames myself.

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41hrXcyE1QL._SL500_AA266_PIkin2,BottomRight,-18,34_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg

[Kali]

49. Everybody I knew in the mid to late 70s used chicks and dudes respectively.

My 20 year old niece uses the term currently. To me it sounds more dated than offensive.
I hear (and read) more gender neutral use of "dude" now.

[Odin2005]

68. Uh, Writer is a woman.

[Happyhippychick]

54. I promise I'm not the chick in your program, although I do have a Ph.D.

:)

The shrink in me will tell you that she is getting to you because she reminds you of somebody that gets to you, or she brings up a quality in you that you dislike about yourself. I think once you are able to embrace that notion she will be less anger-inducing.

Love,
The very unpolitically correct HHC

[woo me with science]

65. Whoa.

You're good.

[CreekDog]

60. .

[BethCA66]

77. Wow. If you think you're being bullied now...

good luck with your defense.

[Writer]

80. Other "horrible" words I've used to refer to other women in the past...

(clears her truly derisive throat)

Chica (that's SPANISH - comprende?)

Chick-a-dee!

Chickie

Hey, Lady! Or the plural form: Hey, Ladies!

Hey, YOU!

What's up, m'dear?



I'm sure that with every utterance, my status as a human being diminishes. I'm sure that, despite the fact that not one woman I've ever spoken to this way has neither shown offense nor has told me not to greet her that way, I'm a truly terrible person. I suppose that, in context, words should never be given any more credit than simple utterances that are awaiting politicization so that one can stand on a moral pedestal and point a finger at another person in judgment.

Or we can just chill the fuck out.

[Skittles]

82. just kick her bullying ass