Are you still friends with any of your exes?

[kayakjohnny]

I sure am. I'm really close with six of them, and I still love 4 of them dearly. I am so fortunate that way.

But the funny part is that I've spent much of my adult life (probably half of it) single. A lot of this has to do with me, but so much of it has to do with the type of people that came into my life. I feel lucky not to be a bridge-burner.

I can't seem to make relationships stick for more than a few years. They always think I'm too independent and that I don't care enough.

While not so true, I can see why they think that. Anyway, despite it all I seem to have a streak for forgiveness and so do they.

It's really pretty cool with me. Seems like, if we can't be together, we can at least love and respect each other.

I just wonder how common this is. Or isn't. I know I'm a freak in so many ways. So maybe this whole premise is just absurd.

Thanks for your comments.

[Skittles]

1. pretty much all of them

the "better friends than lovers" thing

[kayakjohnny]

6. With the added element of the romance for conversational filler.

Good to hear, Skittles.

Cause I'm sure you could've kicked their.... you know.

[Skittles]

11. helps when you're never vicious in the breakups

yes INDEED

[hippywife]

2. No.

He was an ass. Thank goodness I never married him, just wasted a whole lotta years of my life.

[LostInAnomie]

3. No.

I'd be happy if I never saw or heard from any of them for the rest of my life.

[flvegan]

4. Yup, even my ex-wife. I work with another who I've been friends with forever.

I'm friend-ly with a few others, communicating now and then with them but nothing continuous.

[Chan790]

5. Not merely "No", but "F*ck No!"

I'm pretty sure that the cream of the crop is still wanted by the Federales...she's a violent Zapatista.

[kayakjohnny]

8. Whoa!

You don't still have her email address by chance, do ya?












(kiddin.... I'm a kidder like that)

[Chan790]

12. I'm...not really over her.

We had been LDR and when we were in the same place finally, she decided she didn't have feelings for me anymore. I, logically, had not uprooted and moved my life because i felt the same way...she wanted freedom, I wanted to propose.

But yeah, you can totally have her email addy. I think she's a married housefrau now though and do you really want to get involved with a woman who pretty much ensures you'll be put on some TSA watch-list?

[Throd]

7. Two of 'em

[RainDog]

9. you mean people you've dated, not married?

...I would assume.

I am not on good terms with my ex. but that probably has something to do with him making false accusations against me in regard to my kids, among other things (he's bipolar, not that that excuses anything.) I was told repeatedly I should sue him but didn't because of my kids. now I wish I had.

as far as ex b.f.s - it's strange to me because life goes on but guys I dated god knows how many years ago have found out where I live and called. it was nice but sort of strange, too. I'm not the same person anymore and I'm sure they aren't either.

I'm still on good terms with the guy I dated after I got a divorce. He wanted to be more "serious" than I did, which is funny b/c he is a totally not serious person, which is why I dated him in the first place.

[kayakjohnny]

10. Yes, I guess I meant dated.

But have heard of ex-married people also getting along quite well. Doesn't seem to be the norm though.

[Inchworm]

13. One ex I'd never give the chance

But another, I'm pleased when it happens. Life goes on and it's cool to relate usually. :)

:hi:

[BarenakedLady]

14. Yes

In almost all cases, yes.

[av8rdave]

15. Just one ex wife. And no.

[kimi]

16. Ex BF's not really, it was long ago

The ex-husband, no way no how. He was an abusive SOB and my son and I were lucky to survive and get away intact.

[Withywindle]

17. Yes, definitely.

Most of them, in fact. Some are just Facebook acquaintances now, others are still very close hanging-out, long-conversation-having, going-to-shows-and-movies-with, helping-each-other-out friends.

I've never understood the idea that you shouldn't be. With only one highly abusive exception, most of the people I've been involved with are very good folks, and almost as much fun to be with when *not* sleeping with them as they were when I was.

[kayakjohnny]

18. Great answer. I totally see that, and agree wholeheartedly.

There are only one or two that I'm happy with the disconnect. For all the others I'm grateful. Just depends on the circumstances and personalities, I spose.

[Withywindle]

20. Thanks! I think it depends on what your dominant memory of the relationship was.

The good times or the bad times?

If the sting of the breakup left a bad taste in your mouth you can't get over, or if you were cheated on or abused, yeah, I can understand how people tend to remember the negative.

But if the relationship was good while it lasted, and the conversational, just-enjoying-each-other's-company factor, the shared values and interests and ability to make each other laugh until you pee, the caring and understanding you developed, well...why does that have to go away just because the romantic-love-and-sex part does? It doesn't! Not at all! There's no law that says it does!

[kayakjohnny]

22. Well, I've also heard people say that you can never be friends with your exes.

Supposedly because either the romance will flare up again, or the problems will. Or that a new person of interest might feel slighted by the friendship with the ex. I'm living proof that it can work on all kinds of levels. Though I can certainly see where the glitches and the harshness may be a real issue for some folks. I've witnessed plenty of bad breakups too.

[Withywindle]

24. Ah, that's bullshit.

Any sweeping statement about human relationships that includes the words "never" or "always" usually is.

[Wapsie B]

19. They all live in Texas.

All my ex's live in Texas
And Texas is the place I'd dearly love to be
But all my ex's live in Texas
And that's why I hang my hat in Tennessee




Just kidding.
But to answer your question, yes on one, no on the others.

[Crazy Dave]

21. Ex girlfriends no, ex wife's family yes

I don't even know or really care where most of my ex girlfriends are. Not anything bad it's just none of my business.

With the ex wife we had kids and therefore had to keep a polite relationship between us no matter how we really feel about each other but her family rocks and even they can't stand her.

[Blue_In_AK]

23. I have three exes.

The first one was murdered, and the second one I haven't talked to since the mid-80s sometime. The third one and I split on amicable terms, but we don't have any contact now. I think the last time I saw him was three or four years ago, when I ran into him downtown at a Don Young picnic. I was there to take protest photos, he was there to eat.

Since all the kids are grown, there's no reason to have any contact. We've all moved on.

My first ex-boyfriend from 1963 is now my husband (those other three came in between), so, yes, in that respect we are "friends." :)

[kayakjohnny]

25. Wow... now that was a serious answer.

Thanks.

[NewJeffCT]

26. None of them

It's like they fell off the face of the earth... it's odd. I dated a ton of women between marriages and several before my first marriage, but haven't even run into any of them by accident. And, other than seeing my ex-wife on a magazine cover once, I haven't heard "boo" from her since about a year after our divorce was final - and, she made Dick Vitale seem shy & reserved.

[kayakjohnny]

27. Makes me wonder

what in the world she did to Dick Vitale.






















kidding.

[NewJeffCT]

28. no clue

But, I had meant that she was so talkative/outgoing that she made the normally enthusiastic talker seem quiet in comparison.

[kayakjohnny]

29. I know, man.

I'm just raggin on ya.

Trying to seize on an ambiguous grammar moment is all.

Cheers.:)

[AsahinaKimi]

30. absolutely NO

eom

[AwakeAtLast]

31. Not just no, but hell no!

He's the one who burned the bridge, not me. Which is a shame, because he was a really decent person - then he lost his mind.

[kwassa]

32. All of them, though I have no contact with most because of elapsed time and distance

my life was a lot like years, long periods of singledom between relationships. Now I've been married for 11 years.

There is only one where we broke up and never exchanged another word; she broke up with me over the phone after a very strong many month relationship. I don't hold onto grudges or anger, though, so that may have something to do with it.

[Forkboy]

33. Yes. My ex-wife even posts here.

We get along fine. Things don't always work out, but that's no reason to not respect one another still for me, and thankfully for her as well.

[Dystopian]

34. Yes

We just got off the phone....
Life is strange...
He's the best friend I've ever had...ever will have.

Eight years together...three years gone.
The one I can always count on.....months can go by....matters not.

peace~

[Silver Swan]

35. My ex-husband?

He lives 500 miles away, but we are cordial when we see each other.

I don't have any other exes, just guys I once dated, and I have never seen any of them again.

(When did the term ex start meaning anything besides an ex-spouse, anyway?)

[Withywindle]

37. (Your paranthetical thought: I'm guessing the 50s or 60s)

I'm 40, never married, but I've had three different 6+-year-long cohabitations, and lots of lovers before and between. When I think of my "exes," I think of all of them. (Men *and* women - I couldn't have *legally* married some of them even if the kismet were there.)

Spent almost all my adult life living with various serious partners - just never did the ceremony-and-paper thing.

Ex just means anyone you ever considered your "current," who is now no longer.

Me, I divide all my past lovers into "exes" and "whys" :D

[marginlized]

36. Nope, cause my X is in TX and I'm in CA

[old mark]

38. Only with 2, but they were the best two ladies other than my wife that

I ever knew, and it is my privilege to still know them.

The rest of them can go shit in their hats.


mark

[Radical Activist]

39. Several but I stopped keeping in touch with them.

I realized it was creating too much negative energy and thoughts in my life. It's nice to have a friend who I know very well, who understands me, who I was close to, but I finally decided its not worth it. I don't need to be reminded of what she did or what I did to screw it up and I don't need to see what douchebag loser she's dating now. And yes, all my exes are dating total douchebag losers.

[abq e streeter]

40. yes, several...have been at the weddings of 2 of em and invited to a third that I couldn't

make it to. Actually became such good friends with the guy one of em married, that he and I used to do a guys night out once a week when she worked out of town every Wednesday night for awhile. However ,coincidentally,I ran into the most recent one just tonight , for the first time since she dumped me a year ago. It was cordial, but uncomfortable.

Anyway, I usually try to keep up a friendly relationship with exes, even if we rarely see each other. My attitude is that they were someone I was not just attracted to, but were women who I liked and respected and found them to be interesting and intelligent company. If it doesn't work out as a couple, I usually want to continue knowing them ( not that I haven't also had ugly breakups where I never wanted to see them again).

[BarbaRosa]

41. I'm still best friends with the guy she ran off with.

My standard line is -my first wife ran off with my best friend, in fact that's how he became my best friend.-:evilgrin:

Haven't seen her since we split,37 or so years ago. Oh, he threw her back.

[amyrose2712]

42. Some of them....

haven't had one for 15+ years though. But one of my all time best friends is an ex. Although, out of the 21 years we have been friends we only dated for 3 months, so not sure he is really an ex.

[RedCloud]

43. Just friends with my axes. We have a lot to grind still.

[Iggo]

44. No.

A couple of them wanted to remain friends, but I nixed it.

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

45. I don't have many, just three

but I've maintained contact with all of them and one of them is my best friend. The other two are more surface "friendships" than anything else.

[Brickbat]

46. Some, yes. Some no, and that's a good thing.

[Kat45]

47. Several. One is my best friend, who also

rents the first floor apartment in my house. We're so much better as friends than as a couple, but it is somewhat sad that it could never work out as a relationship.

My college boyfriend is still a good friend. I went to his wedding; I know his wife and daughter. A small group from college, including both of us, socialize on occasion. Another ex from way back is still a friend, but not one who I get together with. His mother died recently and I went to the wake; his wife emailed me to let me know about it.

[NickB79]

48. My wife hangs out with one of them quite frequently

She came to our wedding and is coming to our baby shower.

It is a little disconcerting how they always look at me and giggle when I walk into the room, though. Like they're up to something....

[DarkTirade]

49. Several.

Just wished one of 'em a happy birthday the other day. :)

[velvet]

50. yes

Two have remained good friends. There are none I would call an enemy.

[IdaBriggs]

51. I am friends with both, but I have *excellent* taste. ;)

I think it helped we were friends first, and neither is scum. Both are good men, and we just weren't good matches.

I think I would have problems being friends with complete losers, but then again, I didn't *date* complete losers. :)

[kayakjohnny]

52. Thanks to everone.

Good heartfelt answers. Just about split down the middle. Kind of what I imagined.

Cheers all, and thanks.

[Jade Fox]

53. No, and I'm sorry.....

because some of them I rally liked as friends, and miss having them in my life.

It's really hard to stay close with men once they've committed to someone else. Their new partner is usually too uncomfortable with the idea.

[Hepburn]

54. Yes....

...I even went to court for him.