Mr. Right Ain't Good Enough Anymore

[CShine]

If you ever suspected men haven't a chance in the dating game against today's picky uber-femme, here's some evidence, from last week's New York magazine relationships advice column, The Help Desk.

"I go on this great first date and we decide to share a cab home - separate stops. When we get in, he buckles his seatbelt! I know that's a wise thing to do, so I feel like a jerk saying this, but it totally turned me off. It just seemed so kid-like and lame. Is he too much of a weenie for me, or am I out of my mind?" wrote Unrestrained Lady, Upper West Side.

To the uninitiated, Unrestrained Lady may seem like a neurotic aberration. But ditching men because they fail to measure up in some infinitesimal way has been a staple gag in real-life single girl chats for years. We all know Ascham women who won't go out with men who don't drive brand cars or didn't go to a "brand" school. Or the woman who instantly went off a man she had been crazy for because he turned up at her front door wearing a plaited belt. In the days before e-tags, another felt her stomach turn when her date fumbled with the bridge toll. These are usually not just excuses to jettison an unsatisfactory male, but genuine reasons for spontaneous revulsion.

On this week's episode of Sex and the City, Charlotte complains how "lame" her date that night had been because he gave her carnations, "filler flowers". Carrie, the series heroine, says she doesn't mind carnations but would dump a boyfriend "for wearing Topsiders or Docksiders" shoes. Carrie's horrified (soon-to-be-ex) boyfriend, Berger, listening to the exchange, says: "So basically guys are just f---ed."

Basically, yes.


http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2004/03/24/1079939713509.html

[stopbush]

1. Unless I'm mistaken, there's a law in NYC that taxi passengers

must buckle their seatbelts.

So in effect, she was turned off that the guy was law-abiding. I guess she should date rethugs exclusively.

[GOPisEvil]

2. Men do the same thing. I know, I'm a man.

I've not gone out with someone, or stopped seeing them for seemingly goofy reasons, too. I try to associate those things with something actually important, and sometimes I am successful, but at other times, it's just a feeling I get about someone.

:shrug:

[BiggJawn]

11. Like maybe a feeling of FEAR?

Don't know about you, but I've been with some women who were NOT wrapped all that tightly.
Scary.

[GOPisEvil]

12. LOL - a time or two I've gotten the "this woman scares me" vibe.

More often it's not quite that easy to define though.

[camero]

15. I've gotten that feeling ALOT

But I think it's because I've been around more people than most in my travels. What I wonder is how dating goes in other countries. Seems like this is just another side effect of capitalism.

Brainwashed males and females going for the brand name.

[THUNDER HANDS]

3. well....duh

Women are shallow, but then again, so are men. One good idiot deserves another, that's what I say.

(speaking from the comfort of a still-head-over-heels-in-love position of happiness with a non-shallow woman)

[Sequoia]

4. And that's why so many women are single

because there is no perfect man. These picky women who think they're so special just might annoy a somewhat decent man who can see right through them.

[radwriter0555]

7. Maybe we just don't need to settle for someone who doesn't measure up

to our standards.

We don't NEED to settle for second best. Men should come up to OUR standards. If they can't cut the mustard, then they're the ones who need to change.

For too long we've settled for the guys who can't be bothered to meet us half way, or worse, who BEAT us half way, or abuse our kids, or who are liars and cheaters. The worm has turned. Women today don't NEED men anymore. We're smart, powerful, independent and self sufficient. If a man wants a good woman, he has to come up to our standards now.

[Butterflies]

8. well said.

I've dated and dumped all of those losers (liars, cheaters, abusers) and I won't put up with that ever again. The problem is that I'm now always single. It seems that there are enough women around who still put up with their shit, so they move on to someone else rather than change. :-(

[BiggJawn]

9. When I see the word "settle"...

Two things come to mind.
First, the image of a young woman who bought that stupid "The Rules" book and memorized it ("no Diamond, No Hymen..." Keep it. I don't want it anyway) and now needs to rationalize why she spends her weekends alone with the Energizer Bunny and the coppertop twins (D-cells come in twos)

And second, someone who really doesn't know what they want in a relationship, but they think they're supposed to be in a state of arrousal all the time or something.

Frankly, I don't give a shit if I find a "Good" woman or not. One who has processed all her baggage from past relationships and has resolved her anger towards men would suit me just FINE. I'm TIRED of being your "get EVEN" punching bag for your last relationship.

[LagaLover]

10. Good thing that women

never engage in domestic violence, abuse children, lie, or cheat, huh?

[PVnRT]

5. Yet another reason

to give up completely on the idea that I will ever even have a date again.

[SarahB]

6. I'm the opposite

Sometimes when I'm with a person, I'm so good at seeing their inner selves, I have ignored huge red flags that may impede things. I find it hard though to have chemistry with most men. Generally speaking, when I was younger and dating (with rare exceptions that lasted for several months to a year or so ending in personal heartbreak) most males couldn't keep me interested for longer than a couple weeks. I found too many either not smart enough or just jerks who were trying to get in my pants- generally both! Never called it off though for shallow reasons.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

13. Sometimes little things can be highly indicative

as when one of my dates refused to walk down a certain street in downtown Portland on a summer evening while it was still light out because black teenagers were standing at a light rail stop there.

Another date had three Manhattans with dinner and then wanted to "go someplace for a few drinks."

Another date seemed to have no sense of initiative at all. I'd ask him what he preferred, and the answer was always, "Whatever you prefer." It was like that scene in Coming to America with Eddie Murphy and the princess. I don't like tyrants, but such utter passivity was creepy.

Was I too fussy? Not in those cases. But I think that there are a lot of pampered brats out there who, as one of my ex-boyfriends said, have "whims of iron."

[SarahB]

14. Those aren't little things

I think they're indicative of traits that are unlikable. I think little things include perhaps hair color, didn't have an expensive car, or a minor fashion faux pas.

The major things I ignored included the fact he dumped all past girlfriends out of the blue for another girl (I was young enough, I was a girl), someone who had a serious family problem (his brother killed his mom- I broke up with him and he was pretty heartbroken even after a couple months and it wasn't that serious), someone who's in recovery from serious drug and alcohol problems (given the high rates of relapse, I would never overlook this again), and becoming emotionally involved with someone who's as vulnerable, sappy, emotionally bruised, and ultimately ethical as myself when circumstances made a relationship impossible really.