Post here and I'll consult you.

[kentauros]

Tell me what your specialty is and I'll make a note of it for future consultations.

[EastTennesseeDem]

1. I am trying to open up a tightening and loosening business.

For instance, if someone was having trouble opening a beer, they would call me and I'd be right over.

Conversely, if your chair had a wobbly leg, I would be there instantly to tighten that sucker up.

My question is, how can I make this brilliant idea universal?

[kentauros]

2. Have you ever heard of the Internet?

Because there are places on it where you can buy vast numbers of email addresses. Email is the best way to reach people, especially those that didn't know they had any tightening or loosening problems.

[EastTennesseeDem]

3. Wait. What's this? The internet?

Is that the thing with the Myspace machine?

[kentauros]

7. Oh, please stay away from those areas.

The FBI uses them to create Freeptards.

[arcadian]

4. I'm having trouble taking over the planet.

Turns out it's a lot more work than I had anticipated.

[kentauros]

5. First, fire that guy named Pinky.

Next, find some talking cats. I think they understand the mechanics of world domination than any human ever could.

[valerief]

18. My name is Pinky Lee. I live up in a tree.

And, no, I didn't die on live teevee and traumatize a generation of young children.

[kentauros]

19. Well, Pinky Lee is a better name to have that Stagger Lee

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HXk_2pFNXY


;)

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

6. What flavor of Yoo-Hoo pairs with Chilean Sea Bass?

[kentauros]

9. Hoo Hah.

Definitely.

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

13. Well, that would explain the...

Nah. Let's not go there...

[Chan790]

8. I'd like to find a way to get paid for my imagination.

I tried writing and also art, but discovered that I don't like turning my ideas into anything, I just want to be paid for having them because they're better than most people's. Basically, I'd like to have ideas then sell them to other people to do with what they want.

[kentauros]

10. Have you ever considered becoming a government employee?

That would be a good place to start.

[Chan790]

11. Yes.

The KSA essay questions on the exams were killer. I said I didn't want to write...I'd really prefer to pontificate.

For example, I have a really great idea for a book about books about books. I think someone should make one.
Also, a collection of DIY interpretive art for mental patients. Things like "Paint a picture of a bird. Now burn the picture. What does it mean to have created something that nobody else will ever see?"
There was also an idea about arranging flowers pornographically.

[kentauros]

12. If you could put all of your ideas into the context of the future,

then Futurist would be the career for you. Just makes some media friends in Fluff Media and you'll never have to do anything more than call them up when you have your next big vision for The Future.

Also, I would suggest buying a copy of Crosley Bendix' CD and take all of his sage advice on how to make a living as an Ideas Man.

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

14. Did you know a fellow du'er is having issues with bat intercourse?

Please give me your professional opinion on the matter asap.

[kentauros]

15. The following discussion will help the Confucius issues:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9108650

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

16. I'm not a baseball fan but somehow I can live with it.

[kentauros]

17. The Consultation Office is closed for the time being...

That is, being that my Conscious Mind is having a consultation session with my mandibular nerve bundle on why it is insisting on ignoring both Percocet and Hydrocodone while I attempt to make it through the night and early morning before a scheduled and easily far more pleasing root canal session at 8am.

[Skittles]

20. you want I should kick some consulting ass, kentauros?

yes INDEED

[kentauros]

21. I've already had a "boot to the head"

chemically, at least :P