crying right now

[MattNC]

I had the worst argument over politics with my dad ever. It was awful. He made some passing comment about global warming and it just went out of control from there with health care, Wall Street, everything. He threw out every Republican talking point, every dirty word (socialist, fascist, communist, Marxist, towards Obama). I tried countering with some reasoned facts but did lose my temper several times, though I never resorted to name calling. He ended up insulting my education ("b/c of left-wing academics"), which drove me tears.

I go out of my way to avoid politics with him, but it just couldn't be contained this time. I felt like I was arguing not with my dad, but with Glenn Beck or Sean Hannity. Ugh.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear MattNC...

It's so tough when family (ESP. your dad) turns on you. I'd bet he's hurting too...

Hugs for you...:hug: :hug:

[MattNC]

2. he seemed quite happy

having the argument. I wasn't going to back down from what I stand for, but I hated it the whole time. The anger seething from his face and voice when discussing Obama was outrageous. Every fact I mentioned he simply dismissed as liberal nonsense.

[Haole Girl]

3. Hey

After reading the other responses, I didn't like my own suggestion so much.

Maybe everyone else is right. There's no way to "win" that kind of argument & getting down and dirty too is like arguing with a pig, right?

Good luck. :hug:

[abq e streeter]

4. sad to read about this

just came from a get together with congressman Martin Heinrich ( our first Democratic Rep in decades),and although I didn't get to personally speak with him, I did have a conversation with our ward treasurer and his wife about the pain involved in having one's own family being part of the rabid right wing ( mainly his wife is in this position). I'm lucky in this respect; my family (not just immediate, second and third cousins, great aunts etc), are all anywhere from moderate to very liberal Democrats. My 91 year old WW2 vet father who's always been a moderate liberal, is actually getting more radical in his final years as he sees ( with my assistance in pointing out things I've learned through DU) just how obscenely dangerous the neo-fascist forces ( and that's how he now sees them too) that have completely taken over the republican party are. So ,I hope your tears dry up soon, and you can somehow separate the love you have for your dad from the anger and disgust you correctly feel over the obscene lies he's allowed himself to believe. I wish I had some words of wisdom as to how to do that , but I don't...I just hope and pray that you figure out a way to do that, and I'm so sorry you have to experience this.

[Lars39]

5. Leave the room every time he starts talking politics.

He'll figure it out eventually.

[GreenPartyVoter]

15. +1 And when in the car turn up the radio if he won't stop after being asked.

[grasswire]

6. dear matt

This stuff has been going on for generations. I remember my in-laws having fits because their son's college education (specifically his philosophy courses) had caused him to question their religious beliefs. What a fuss.

You know what? You are not ever going to be able to change their minds by arguing with them, even though you are right and even though you have the facts at hand. They are brainwashed by propagandists. Could you change Hannity's mind? No. Could you change Beck's mind? No.

So maybe the best thing to do is consider people like him relics of a different mindset and cheerfully not engage in arguments. "Whatever you say, Dad."

A question: Does he support you? That makes an independent life a bit more difficult.

[MattNC]

7. yes, but not much longer

havent been done with grad school for too long and just here while i try to find a job. have an interview in the next week or two probably, so hopefully i land that.

[grasswire]

9. be sure he understands that you are grateful for his support...

...all these years. Sometimes the anger that surfaces in parents is just a manifestation of the fact that you are leaving their sphere of influence. It's a rite of passage. Think of the father in "Fiddler on the Roof." Each of his kids "dishonored" the traditional ways. Maybe you can find some compassion, even.

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

8. I'm really sorry you and your dad got into a fight

and that it made you so sad. Try to be the bigger person and don't engage with him on this level again. Life is too short to waste fighting with the people we love. Do you have any common ground to focus your relationship on?

[MattNC]

10. sports

but that only takes us so far. We have nothing else to talk about aside from that.

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

11. that's pretty shallow

but it's something to work on. Have you ever considered just telling him you love him and explaining how much it hurts you to get into these kinds of fights with him?

My dad is dead and I'm so thankful we were able to put all the petty shit aside before he died. The day before he died we sat and talked for an hour or so and we laughed and his love for me radiated through his eyes.

Don't waste your time fighting with him.

[MattNC]

13. i did

he pretty much ignored it. he has a very bad temper...maybe he'll have cooled down in a few hours.

his politics don't bother me all that much - it's the deeply personal attacks that hurt, such as attacking my educational background. i told him that, but he just used it to further trash my old professors (who he knows nothing about).

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

14. That sucks Matt

if you've put out the olive branch and told him that you love him and he still continues to do the deep personal attacks that hurt you so much, maybe it's time to consider limiting your contact with him.

Having shitty parents is hard. I don't talk to my mom much either. Crazier than a shit house rat. It still hurts because all we want as children is to be loved by our parents.

I'll keep you in my thoughts. :hug:

[MattNC]

17. limiting contact

would DEVASTATE my mom. i suppose we'll have to find a way to work out our differences; it's just very hard when I'm a very politically active individual and I find many of his beliefs to be very ignornant. *sigh*

[Tikki]

12. From the 60's~70's...some fathers screamed that they would

rather have their sons' die than have long hair.

Reality and the future: After these fathers' made their declaration...Some of their
sons' got their long hair cut when they got drafted into
the Military...some of them went to Nam and came home in a box.
And some of those young men grew up and were bald.

Parents (adults) can get all tangled up in words...and here's the truth..
We really don't know the reality of our future. You stand every chance of being
correct by what you believe. Believe That.....



Tikki

[GreenPartyVoter]

16. I am so sorry. It sucks when that sort of thing happens. *hugs*

[david13]

18. I have suffered thru' this type of thing my entire life, a mere

60 years.
Unfortunately never over anything so mundane as politics.
Only over me, and him. Thus I have just had to avoid him for about 50 years now.
dc