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No spoilers but the juxtaposition was sad and beautiful and got something going in me that really needed to get going. The rest of this post has nothing to do with Lost in any way shape or form, it just helped shake out some stuff.
I'm a nurse. A neonatal nurse. I take care of the preemie and sick babies, though I work in a place where the very sick rarely come and we mostly just take care of what we call feeders and growers, though we have our share of really little ones who need IVs and ventilators and such but that's not the most of it. And really, the technical stuff isn't the most of it, especially for night nurses like me. When mommy and daddy go home, I become surrogate mommy and while I watch their health carefully, I also provide for their emotional needs and being in such an odd place must be a strain so I like to think my cuddling and my loving them gives them comfort. Yeah, I said I love them. Some more than others and no, I would never take a baby. The amazing thing is I get to love them and then watch them go home to awesome families and it's fantastic. I get and give baby love without the 18 year commitment. I recently became especially attached to little E., a really zen but small fellow but he was growing and learning just right on pace and all was well with the world. And then, things started happening and things aren't alright and he may be dying and he is certainly suffering and we don't know what's happening. His mommy is grieving, his daddy is grieving and many of us nurses are grieving. We don't know if he's dying because we don't know what the heck is wrong. The list of what we've put him through to figure out what is going on is long and torturous and we have zero answers.
We all cuddle him as much as we can, as carefully as we can and we worry. After this episode, I felt a tear come and then the waterworks went full blast and I realized it wasn't about the show. The show just opened the valve. I love E. and I'm so worried about him and his parents and I want him to be okay or to go ahead and die peacefully because he's getting so much more uncomfortable. I want him to have what is best for him. God, I wish we knew what that was. I want our baby to not hurt anymore.
I hope I was careful enough keeping his stuff private. Just pray for him,please. Pray for whatever will be best for him. He's an amazing little guy, so zen and so cuddly and so loving. He deserves the best.
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