BREAKING: Cape Town, South Africa erupts in bloody "cannibalistic" rioting

[charlie and algernon]

CAPE TOWN, SOUTH AFRICA (Yahoo) Cape Town, South Africa is in the midst of the perhaps the bloodiest rioting in modern history, if not all time. South African officials are at a loss as to the cause of the rioting that as since left hundreds dead and thousands wounded.

Some speculate that it began at a hospital after a shipment of bodily organs arrived two days ago from China. China is in the midst of a deadly illness that turns it's victims to cannibals.

Marty Smith, a US citizen visiting Cape Town, claims he saw one man bite a woman in the neck.

"He took a large chunk out of her neck, I had to to turn away," Smith explains. "Then as I was running in the other direction, I happened to look back and I swear he was eating her. I've never been more afraid in my life."

So far the United States has refused to comment on rumours that three South African men were detained at La Guardia Airport in New York City.

"There is no chance of any infection hitting New York City or anywhere in the United States," Robert Gibbs, White House Press Secretary, said today as he boarded a plane with other White House officials to a bunker in Hawaii.

http://www.yahoo.com/ww/zcape-town

[PVnRT]

1. I thought it was Johannesburg in World War Z

[charlie and algernon]

2. It's Cape Town

I think Johannesburg is where the Redeker Plan is devised.

[PVnRT]

4. Either way, I'm hauling ass to Cuba

[charlie and algernon]

7. Nah, I heard rumors of american refugee being put in camps

I'm getting on a boat and heading to Ireland. I think the Pope is going there too, so it must be safe.

[NJmaverick]

3. It has been established that persons who have recently died

have been returning to life and committing acts of murder. A widespread investigation of funeral homes, morgues, and hospitals has concluded that the unburied dead have been returning to life and seeking human victims. It's hard for us here to be reporting this to you, but it does seem to be a fact.

[NJmaverick]

5. more info

There is an epidemic of mass murder being committed by a virtual army of unidentified assassins. The murders are taking place in villages and cities, in rural homes and suburbs with no apparent pattern nor reason for the slayings. It seems to be a sudden general explosion of mass homicide. We have some descriptions of the assassins. Eyewitnesses say they are ordinary-looking people. Some say they appear to be in a kind of trance. Others describe them as being misshapen monsters. At this point, there's no really authentic way for us to say who or what to look for and guard yourself against. Reaction of law enforcement officials is one of complete bewilderment at this hour. Police and sheriff's deputies and emergency ambulances are literally deluded with calls for help. The scene can be best described as mayhem. The mayors of Pittsburg, Philadelphia, and Miami, along with the governments of several eastern and midwestern states indicated that the National Guard may be mobilized at any moment, but that has not happened as yet. The main advice news reporters have been able to get from official sources is to tell private citizens to stay inside their homes behind locked doors. Do not venture outside for any reason until the nature of this crisis has been determined, and until we can advise what course of action to take. Keep listening to radio and TV for special instructions as this crisis develops further.

[charlie and algernon]

6. is that coming from G. Romero's network?

CNN, NBC, MSNBC, CBS, and ABC all seem to be offline

[NJmaverick]

8. Yup, the only network to listen to during events like these

[rug]

9. I suppose we'll be seeing some resurrections in the Lounge now.

[denbot]

10. G'awh! I've just been bitten by Walt Star!!!!!

What do I do!?!?!?

[Fire Walk With Me]

11. Do you like severed digits on your pizza?

[denbot]

12. Ummm, will that come with dipping sauce?

And what is the delivery time?

[Fire Walk With Me]

13. We've added a bit of another DUer, so of course, RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!

[Bossy Monkey]

17. Post "Shoot me in the head, Skinner, right the fuck now." n/t

[Rabrrrrrr]

14. US Military to release crack troops that have been prepared in secret program

[charlie and algernon]

16. ah, so THOSE are the Alpha Teams

[JTG of the PRB]

15. Everyone, stay calm! Remember to take your Phalanx!

It's the only drug proven to help prevent infection from the Solanum virus! Be sure you're taking daily doses, in addition to maintaining a safe distance from all the infected at all times. Remember, the local police force knows what they're doing!

[charlie and algernon]

19. I don't know what this Solanum virus is,

this is just a case of severe rabies, nothing to worry about here. Now excuse me as run to the grocery store to scrounge whatever canned goods are left.

[LostInAnomie]

18. Hmmm... One thing is for sure.

I'm staying the fuck away from Yonkers.

[MilesColtrane]

20. Just great. It has to happen now...while Milla Jovovich is on her honeymoon?

SON OF A BITCH!