Trying to recover from domestic abuse any advice?

[rhino47]

I am currently going through a divorce.We had been together since 1987.He was a wonderful man.
The thing was he didnt like me work outside the house.He also did not put anything in my name.cars houses land etc.That didnt matter to me at all.Things went okay at least physical until june 2007.He started hitting me.He is on ssd .He has a bad back but always have a cane.I am having real problems getting over the fact I never fought back.I also was ashamed and didnt want my children 15 and 10 to find out what was going on.Finally on April 1 of 2008 I went to the state police .They did nothing. I had bruised three loose teeth one missing tooth and bruises all down the left side of my body.This was so traumatic that they didnt believe me.They contacted a womens shelter.I went there for the night and filed with their help for a PFA.(protection from abuse order)
My husband was removed from the house by the sheriffs.However they left him in the house by himself for an hour.He took the deadbolt off the doors dumped all the food in the fridge in our pond etc.He took all his guns (ak47 m1s ,870 shotgun ,and many handguns)
I put myself and my daughters into therepy.They say I have PTSD.I was shocked and depressed by this.
My older daughter now has panic attacks.The therepist shes seeing doesnt seem to be helping her.
I am at my wits end.I am afraid to leave my house and afraid to live here.He broke into the house twice
but I cant prove it.He was never violent until he went on duragesic patches and 10mg percocet.
Any advice would be welcome.I feel afraid all the time.

[redqueen]

1. Jesus...

I don't know what to say... I'm 39 years old and only now coming to terms with stuff like that from my childhood. I would want to just get far, far away from that house.

It sounds like you're doing a lot already. Maybe you could find a support group with other women who've gone through the same things... talking helps sometimes.

Good luck... you and your precious children will be in my thoughts... :pals:

[rhino47]

2. Thank you.

I do go to group at the womens shelter once a week

[redqueen]

3. I hope you can find something soon that will help...

all I can think of is time and lots of counseling. Lots and lots of counseling.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

[knowbody0]

4. I experienced a simular situation

The hardest thing for me was remembering to just breathe. Calm yourself as best you can so that your thinking can become clear. The best cure for you and your girls is time. I found that doing things for others was really theraputic, and led me onto a path that became a very good life.

peace and love

[Gormy Cuss]

5. rhino47, I'm sorry that you and your kids are going through this.

The professionals at the shelter are far better resources than we can be at arms length, but the loungers always have virtual arms available for hugs. :hug:

Just understand that it will take time to get through this. Seek help and take as much help as is offered. The first thing you need is a place to stay where you feel safe. If your house can't be that place you may need to move. It sounds like you're not the only one living in fear (panic attacks suck -- I used to have them.) As bad as you feel, it's worse for her because she's young. Talk to her therapist about your concerns -- maybe it is time to switch.

:hug:

[Tangerine LaBamba]

6. Oh, honey, I'm so sorry ..........

You sound wonderful, though, even though I know you're not feeling very good. It sounds like you're doing all the right things, and, best of all, you're taking excellent care of your kids. That's amazing, given what you've endured.

You need to get a lawyer. A good one who will be ferocious in taking care of you. If you haven't filed for a legal separation yet, you have to do that now, and make sure you've got the locked changed on the house.

A good lawyer, and the people at the shelter, will tell you what you need to do.

But stay in touch here, and make sure you let us know how you're doing. I'll be thinking of you and your brilliant strength. Hang in there - it's going to be all right - but don't let your guard down for a moment. Your husband is no longer the "good man" you married, and it's time for you to take your own road.

:hug:

[applegrove]

7. The pain will get better over time. It will. You have to believe that.

[BlueIris]

8. I'm so sorry you are going through all that.

I hope that you and your kids find the support you need.

[Shell Beau]

9. I don't know a whole lot about this issue. You seem to

be taking the right steps. I really hope for your sake and your children's that y'all can stay safe and deal with this properly. I am sorry. This has to be tough. I hope one day your husband can get the help he obviously needs. This is rough. Hugs and prayers to you and your family. :hug:

Do you have a restraining order? I am not sure if that will help or not. :shrug:


Edit: Always remember this isn't your fault. No matter what issues may have come up, no one ever deserves this.

[MrsBrady]

10. if you don't like your daughter's therapist,

talk to the therapist that you don't see any improvement with her.
If the therapist is not helpful in that regard, then find another therapist.

I used a combo of therapy, 12 step, and a PTSD treatment called EMDR, and my particular religion.
EMDR sounded weird to me, but it worked. Big time.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_movement_desensitization_and_reprocessing this is a link about it on wiki. I'm not an expert on it.
I just know it worked for me, and I had a very reputable PHD psychiatrist (not psychologist) that really helped me.
I was able to move on in my 12 step work, after getting treatment for several traumatic events during my childhood and early 20's.

Life's been on the upswing for me since then...about 10 years now.

I would say call every agency regarding help...get every bit of help you can from friends, family...
private agencies, government agencies...
just be a squeaky wheel.

Make sure to be around people who build you up, not tear you down. Be around people who want you to succeed.
I found these people at my church and in Al-anon, but you can find them with what works for you.
I had to have people to call and talk to.

If there is someone in your family that has a drinking problem, I would suggest Al-Anon for you. It's free.
Read everything you can on getting better.

If you are concerned for your immediate safety, I would go to a friends house where you could get away...
or somewhere where he wouldn't be able to find you.

But also you can only do just one thing at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time.
All you have to do is today :)

I found that a little self defense training goes a long way.
I'm not an expert in Karate, but I've been shown how to put a someone of any size on the ground and hurt him enough to get away.
I've never needed it, but it makes me feel better that I know how.

keep us updated :grouphug:

[travelingtypist]

11. Don't beat yourself up.

Not wanting you to work outside of the home and cutting off your control of
the property/money are classic ways women get isolated. You don't say if he
tried to keep you away from your friends and family, but they do that, too.

As everyone has said, you should feel really good about what you're doing
to take care of yourself and your kids.

Yeah, get a lawyer right now to stop him from selling the marital property
and hiding the cash. And get out of that house.