wedding invitation/announcement etiquette question

[fizzgig]

we are trying to keep our ceremony and reception fairly small, mostly for financial reasons, but i'm not sure what to do as far as those people who i want to tell but am not necessarily inviting to the event.

if i just send announcements, is it be tacky to include information about gift registries or anything like that?

i have absolutely no idea what i'm doing. hell, i've never been involved with planning a wedding before this.

[laconicsax]

1. Yes. It's really tacky.

Figure that your guests are going to ask your parents or someone else close to you where you're registered. Tell them, they'll probably pass it along.

Getting an invitation that says "so and so is registered at wherever" reads like "so and so only wants you to buy them stuff."

[fizzgig]

5. i'm torn on it

that information has been included in all the wedding invitations i've received in the last few years and it didn't bother me at all, but i can see how some people would react that way.

[LostinVA]

2. This is what we did

We created a wedding website, which had tab for registry stuff. It isn't cricket to put that info in announcements, and technically not in the website, either, but we had people asking us about what we needed, so we listed it. Since most of our relatives and friends are NE Irish and Italians, we mainly got check and cash.

FYI: make sure the announcements don't sound like pre-invites.

Go to www.etiquettehell.com and check out the wedding forums.

PM with ANY questions. I became a wedding planning expert!

[fizzgig]

6. a web site is a good idea

i don't want to be crass or tacky, but i do want to make things as simple as possible.

thanks for the link, i'll definitely check it out

[LostinVA]

15. Check out "Bridal Bargains," too (book)

[msanthrope]

3. You never, ever refer to gifts in an invite. Nor in an announcement.

It's tacky. It's even tacky (but less so, IMHO) to say "no gifts" or ask for donations to "x" cause.

This includes shower invites (which neither you, nor your family should be hosting.)

What you do is let your maids/groomsmen know of your arrangements. Also, your parents and near relatives should know, too.

People with sense will ask those people (or the groom.) If you Facebook or otherwise have a page/post about your wedding, you may discreetly include links to your registry, but you may not implore your guests to buy registry only....etc..

Hints for keeping stuff affordable---I did an extremely fun wedding for a very low cost by getting married in the morning and doing a wedding breakfast immediately following in a hotel that did an excellent Sunday brunch. I did a buffet with an omelet station. People loved it because they had a wide variety, and breakfast food can hold up on a steam table better than lots of entrees....

I got my dress from an outlet. A 4k Jessica McClintock for $500.

I made my own veil. Really, it's easy...

I did my own flowers for the tables and the room. I did a single gardenia floating in a shallow glass dish on each table. The fragrance of a single gardenia did for the table. The room already had greens/trees...I just stuck cut flowers...it looked great.

I saved on my photog by having the entire wedding party and guests take a group picture in Black and White....it looks great and timeless in its frame on my wall, and gets seen more often than an album would. We took a few bride/groom, and that was it.

I had a string quartet do the ceremony music and part of the reception--jazz cds for the rest.

I had a small, 3-tier cake, decorated with fresh flowers that were applied right before the ceremony. This saved me an arm and a leg in decorating costs. The cakemaker also made some "slicing layers"--see, the cake is sliced in the kitchen, and then served. You guests will never know if they got the real cake or the plain one...they look the same, sliced.

I still have people tell me that they liked my wedding best of all the weddings in my circle of friends....and this is compared to weddings that cost 40--80k...


(You send the invites before. The announcements, after...)

[fizzgig]

8. thanks for the tips

there should be enough people who will know what's going on and should be able to answer any questions.

[Bossy Monkey]

4. I think you should send invitations and include registry information

and maybe hold the line on costs by having a cash bar at the reception (which you should probably also mention in the invitation). I don't think announcements, with or without registry information, really work. Think how you'd feel: so why aren't they inviting me? But if you go the announcement route I don't think you should include registry information; just contact information and they can always call if they want to know where you're registered.

I've never planned a wedding either, so take with whatever sized grain of salt.

[msanthrope]

7. Cash bars are vulgar....you don't make your guests pay for their

refreshments.

What you do is provide your guests with the level of entertainment you can afford---

There's no shame is serving tea and cake only, if that's what you can afford. What's vulgar is expecting your guests to chip in to make your wedding appear to be something that it is not....it's also vulgar to have a wedding that beggars your family, just so you can be princess for a day.

I've been to perfectly wonderful weddings that don't have liquor.

[fizzgig]

10. i wouldn't care if i just got an annoucement

but that's just me.

i'm so glad i've got du for stuff like this :rofl:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

14. Cash bars are tacky

Nothing says cheap tacky host like a cash bar. Would you invite people to your home and expect them to pay for their drinks? If you can't afford alcohol, don't serve alcohol or just limit it to the toast or something.

[VenusRising]

9. Send out invites or announcements regularly.

Anyone that wants to buy a gift will ask where you are registered. Some people will just buy you whatever or give cash instead. We actually got some things we didn't know we needed because some people didn't ask about a registry.

Check your PMs.

:hi::hug:

[fizzgig]

11. i'm worried that i'm already overthinking everything

a horrible, horrible habit of mine :rofl:

replied to your pm :hug:

[VenusRising]

12. Every bride to be does that.

There is so much pressure regarding weddings these days. Don't sweat it, babe! It's going to be great because you are marrying the guy you love.

Replied back. :)

[Kali]

13. it's tacky to include that info in invites too.