Can we have a rounchy joke thead?

[Skip Intro]

ah...you start...

[Tom Kitten]

1. ...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=rounchy&defid=2674847

"eal that bannana looks rounchy..."

[jeff30997]

9. No !

Ugly rotten stinky nasty scrounchy ?

But I thought it meant something like sexy

or hot ! Now I know why mcctatas slapped me

in the face when I told her she was rounchy!

Oh wait! In fact I said she looked raunchy.

Which is not better:

vulgar or smutty,crude,earthy,obscene !

Must-study-English-harder. :banghead:

[stewartcolbert08]

2. I got one!

A little boy sits down at the breakfast table...

Little boy: Mom I want bacon, eggs, and milk for breakfast.

Mom: okay then you need to to outside and feed the pigs, the cows and the chickens and earn your food.

Little boy goes outside and a little piglet comes up and started biting the bottom of his shoes, the little boy kicks the piglet, dumps the food in the trough and goes back inside.

"mom I fed the pigs."

Mom: Okay now you need to go feed the cow

Little boy goes outside in a huff, a baby calf comes up to him and nudges his arm, the little boy kicks him out of the way and feeds the other cows.

"okay mom i fed the cows"

mom: now you need to feed the chicken and your all finished.

Now the little boy is angry, he is hungry after all, he goes outside and kicks the chickens out of his way and starts dumping food in the pen.

"Okay mom, the pigs, cows, and chickens are all fed"

mom: Okay son , here are your pancakes and juice

"but mom I asked for bacon, eggs, and milk"

mom: I know that but I saw you kick the cow, kick the pig, and kicking the chickens so now you get pancakes and you can do with out eggs, bacon, and milk.

About that time the dad comes walking down the stairs and steps on the cat, the cat squeals in pain so the dad kicks him out of the way and continues on into the kitchen. The little boy looks at the mom and says, "You want to tell him or should I." :rofl:

[silverojo]

3. Here's a quickie from the 1970's

How do you find Ronald McDonald in a group of streakers? He's the one with sesame-seed buns. ;)

[Doc_Technical]

4. Did you hear what happened to Helena Rubinstein?

Max Factor.

[MajorChode]

5. An oldie, but goodie

A teacher of a third grade class comes into school Monday morning and asks her students to use their new vocabulary word, "fascinate", in a sentence.

Little Suzette raises her hand and says, "Last week my parents and I went to the zoo and the polar bears were fascinating."

The teacher said, "That’s good Suzette, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate."

Little Mike raises his hand and says, "Last week my parents went to Wal-mart and were fascinated by all the great deals."

The teacher says, "That’s good Mike, but you were supposed to use the word fascinate."

Next, little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher was a little slow to call on him cause she knows how bad Johnny's mouth was. She thinks for a minute, and then decides there is no way that he can corrupt the word fascinate. She then calls on Johnny. Little Johnny yells out, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fascinate."

[jeff30997]

7. Lol!

Being French-Canadian I can assure you that for me it's not an oldie but certainly a goodie. :rofl:

[XemaSab]

6. Little Johnny comes home from school

and his mom says "What did you do in school today?"

Little Johnny says "I had sex with my teacher today."

His mom is OUTRAGED, and she says "You just wait until your father comes home."

The dad gets home, and the mom says "You tell your father what you told me!"

So Little Johnny says "I had sex with my teacher today."

The dad says "That's my boy! What are you, 12? 13? What say we go downtown and I get you that new bike you've been wanting."

They go downtown and the dad gets Little Johnny the bike.

The dad says "How 'bout you ride her home, son?"

Little Johnny says "Nah, my ass is still sore."

[jeff30997]

8. ROFLMAO !

You're killing me! Thanks for the lol! :rofl:

[limit18]

10. ...

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, ' Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

[jeff30997]

11. Lol!

Good one.(Still giggling as I type) :)

[Skittles]

12. my old classic

Man passes by his son's room and says, "Son, if you don't stop doing that you'll go blind." Som replies, "HEY DAD, I'M OVER HERE!"

[TreasonousBastard]

13. Insert politics here...

Sometime in the future, President Clinton meets his maker, to some unknown fate in the afterlife.

Several years later, President Bush the Younger meets his end and finds himself at the pearly gates.

"Oh yeah! I knew I'd be comin' here."

"Not so fast," said St. Peter, "did you know you have a choice?"

The good saint then proceeds to explain life in Heaven, eating simple food, worshipping God, and pretty much spending etrnity in boredom.

"That doesn't sound like much. Let me see the other side."

So, the devil takes him down to Hell where all his old friends are playing golf and drinking 50 year old Scotch. The buffet is great, and there's a NASCAR track and several shooting ranges.

"And that's not the best part..."

So the devil takes him over to the living quarters and opens a door where he sees Bill Clinton sitting back in the most comfortable huge leather chair he's ever seen, watching videos of executions and aerial bombings. But, best of all Monica is there on her knees sucking away. Loudly.

"And this," the devil said, "can be your room."

"I'll take it!"

"OK Monica, you can get up now, your replacement's here."

[Lil Missy]

14. Rye Bread

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said "Do you have any Rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves...by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this shit but me."