|
Political Views on Cows
Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
Pure Anarchy: You have 2 cows, your neighbor on your left takes one cow, and the one on the right takes the other; while your backyard neighbor takes the milk, the bucket and the stool.
Libertarian: Anarcho-capitalism -- You have two cows. You sell both and buy two bulls.
Socialism: You have two cows. State takes one and give it to someone else.
Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
Bureaucratic Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
Communism: You have 2 cows, you give them to the government; and the government gives you some milk.
Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk and sells some of it to you.
Perestroika: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Russian Mafia takes all the milk and sells some of it to you in the black market.
Cambodian Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Pure Democracy -- You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
Singapore Democracy: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed animals in an apartment.
American Democracy: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
British Democracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
Japanese Democracy: You have two cows. You give the milk to gangsters so they don't ask any awkward questions about who you're giving the milk to.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Hong Kong Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the Feng Shui is bad.
European Federalism: You have two cows which cost too much money to care for because everybody is buying milk imported from some cheap east-European country and would never pay the fortune you'd have to ask for your cows' milk. So you apply for financial aid from the European Union to subsidise your cows and are granted enough subsidies. You then sell your milk at the former elevated price to some government-owned distributor which then dumps your milk onto the market at east-European prices to make Europe competitive. You spend the money you got as a subsidy on two new cows and then go on a demonstration to Brussels complaining that the European farm-policy is going drive you out of your job.
Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
Reaganomics: You have 2 cows, you sell one and buy a bull; you then sell all the excess milk to the government who in turn ships it to fascist and communist governments.
New Dealism: (FDR Version) You have 2 cows, you shoot one, milk the other one; then pour the milk down the drain.
Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cow.
Feminism: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
Radical Feminism: You have 2 cows, you declare an amazonian state free of bull oppression and sit around waiting for the cows to hump each other.
Political Correctness: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership"is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
Counter Culture: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk. Far out! Awesome!
Utopianism: You have 2 cows, Mother Nature zaps the cows, turning their udders into eternal milk-shake dispensers.
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to exchange them for accordions and take harmonica lessons.
|
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
