Um...can anyone help me if I end up homeless very soon?

[Ladyhawk]

I'm on disability in California and the shit is hitting the fan with my mother. If she refuses to help me financially, I'll be out on my fanny.

I'll need a place to store my things, homes for my animals, etc. Currently, my diabetes is out of control; I have herniated discs in my neck; and I have serious Depression. I won't be able to do a lot of the physical work of moving things into storage.

Also, I want to keep one of my pets.

Ow. My brain hurts.

[Skittles]

1. what's the story with your mom, Ladyhawk

?

[Ladyhawk]

8. My mom is Republican fundy. I am a disabled progressive atheist.

I need her help to stay afloat financially. I've tried very hard to get along with her, but it isn't working. Tonight I sent her this e-mail:

Mom,

I might have been a little irked when I wrote you my previous e-mail. Martha really put me on the spot. She probably meant well, but when I picked up the phone, I was feeling terrible. Regardless, I should not have taken it out on you. What I should have done was ask you to take phone numbers for me in the future and then let me decide when and whether to get back to that person. That would have been a good compromise.

I feel like you are holding the things you do for me over my head, like a weapon meant to control and manipulate. Quote: "I will help with your health and house but I will not cover for you or treat you like a child." If you aren't helping me of your own free will, without keeping an account of everything I owe you, then I don't want your help...even if it kills me.

Tallying up things you've done for me is not love. It's control. It's manipulation. I honestly feel that you cannot tell the difference between love and control. I also feel I made a mistake when I let you into my life again. I feel you want to control everything I do, everything I say. If I get even a little irked, you treat me like a child instead of trying to work it out like adults.

Yes, in your e-mail, you did treat me like a child. Instead of offering to discuss the situation with me, you automatically went into "let's cover my own ass" mode by upping the ante. Even though I should not have taken my feelings out on you this time, it may surprise you to know that you were not entirely in the right. I was probably 85% (or more) of the problem, but your e-mail certainly didn't help things. It only added fuel to the fire.

In other situations, you have been more to blame than I, but I feel you don't want to talk things out unless you're completely absolved of any wrongdoing whatsoever. It makes it very hard to carry on a relationship with you. I've tried to make things work out, but I feel that you are incapable of owning your own mistakes. I am forced to admit my own wrongdoings, but you refuse. A successful relationship is one of give and take. I don't feel I get that with you. I also feel that you don't understand where your "right to know" stops and my privacy begins. There are no borders in our relationship. It's a sick, sick relationship. When I try to fight for the borders that would ensure a more healthy relationship, you act wounded and often bring up "everything you've done for me" as a means of control.

You are not my superior, morally or intellectually. I am not perfect. I try to admit my mistakes and make amends, but I don't always make the right decisions. It's true I don't have a job and have trouble doing even the most basic things for myself, but that doesn't give you the right to lord it over me...unless you are concerned about controlling me and unconcerned about loving me for who I am. Again: I don't want your help if it you don't plan on giving it freely. I'm tired of feeling in your debt. I'm tired of feeling manipulated. I really don't know what to do about this. I've even seriously considered buying a van and becoming homeless because accepting your "help" has become so distasteful to me. Your "help" comes with guilt and strings attached.

I do not want to talk to you or see you for at least a week. I won't be answering my phone and I am programming my e-mail to permanently delete anything sent to me by you.

-Laura

[Forkboy]

2. I dont know if I can help

but if you come to Mass we can be homeless together! Our landlord isn't too thrilled that we haven't been able to pay the full amount of the rent.

In all seriousness though,if you can make it out this way I do have an extra room and you can stay as long as we can stay.I'll sneak you in!

Your one pet has to get along with my cats though! :)

[Ladyhawk]

3. It's a big green bird.

But I doubt I could make it all the way out there.

Hopefully, I can work something out with my counselor. I don't think he'd let me go homeless, but I can't be sure.

[southerngirlwriter]

4. If you have to, you can go to the ER of any hospital

and tell them you're about to harm yourself or someone else. They will keep you for 72 hours in the psych unit. That will buy you a minimum of 3 days worth of food and shelter to figure something out.

I am NOT a big fan of manipulating the system like that, but it sounds like, in your case, it wouldn't be far from the truth. Being homeless with your health problems would be a suicidal gesture if there ever was one.

Good luck, sweetheart.

[Forkboy]

6. I figured it was a longshot

(which is a shame,I like big green birds!).

I hope things work out ok for you,and if there is any way for you to make it here dont hesitate to let me know.The offer will still be open.

Good luck ladyhawk! My thoughts are with you.

[DS1]

5. I don't live in California

I'd help you move though, don't really have a place to let you stay anyway.

I can wish you well and send some good Karma your way, if that's any use.

[Waverley_Hills_Hiker]

7. Gosh!

I wish I could but I don't live in California.

Your story really saddens me....I wish I could help you, reach out to you...but i cant.