Differences between Final Exit 2nd Ed. and Final Exit 3rd Ed.

[Ladyhawk]

One quick question: what are the differences between these two versions? I've had the second edition for awhile now and I'm just wondering if there is better information to be had in the 3rd edition.

[smirkymonkey]

1. Are you doing ok?

Your question and the fact that you are taking a break is kind of disturbing to me. I hope that you can reach out to us or someone if you are having a hard time. Please check in. :)

[Ladyhawk]

2. I'm OK-ish, I guess.

I decided to try hard to get better, but certain unknowns on the horizon are scaring me...what if Bush is re-elected? What if there is merit in this peak oil talk? What if global warming is poised to kill us all?

I don't want to base my future on what-ifs, but I haven't felt very hopeful about the continued existence of humankind for some time now. I'm afraid of being alone and in great pain with no form of deliverance. I've suffered greatly from Depression and chronic neck and back pain. I'm on SSI disability, which isn't enough to live on. Lately, my diabetes has raged out of control. I'm pretty much alone, except for my family, who are crazed right-wingers and whacko fundies.

At this point, I don't see the future as particularly hopeful. I'm 36 and alone. I reason that nobody would willingly let me into his / her life because I come bearing too much baggage. I have never been able to have a sexual life because of abuse issues related to molestation and a very fundy upbringing. No guy wants to deal with that.

On the positive side, I am intelligent, talented and witty in social situations...but I don't know if that is enough these days. Prospective friends and mates don't want "damaged" goods. I watched in pain while all of my friends distanced themselves. Every night I dream about these people who claimed to love me, then left me to suffer alone. In some ways, I don't blame them, but it still hurts. I've tried really hard to find healing and solace, but I'm still tortured by the past enough that living in the present and hoping for the future is impossible.

If I were dying in agony, my fundy family would keep me on life support for as long as possible. I almost feel as if they are already keeping me on life support: providing enough of a supplemental income for me to exist, but not to really live. The idea of them having control over my body as well is a very scary thought.

Um, so what am I saying?

I want to be prepared for a scary future. But for now, I'll try to hold my own.

[southerngirlwriter]

4. My situation and yours are similar in several ways.

I, too, am partially financially tied to a RW family of fundy wingnuts. Lots of abuse issues and some health problems with little access to good care.

The things that get me through are my friends and my writing. You're an excellent writer; use some of the internet time you won't be using here, since you're taking a break, to try to find places that will you for your work.

The thing that gets me through at my most desperate is that I have a lottery ticket. Given the incredibly shitty luck I've had most of my life, I KNOW that if I were to end my life, my numbers would come up on the next drawing. I am convinced of this. If I were to take my own life, the odds of my numbers being the winners would go from 1:135,649,900 to 1:1. From wherever I would be, I'd be looking down at earth saying, "I could have been a millionaire and changed so many lives and told my family-of-origin to go fuck themselves." And I would puke from my celestial sphere. LOL.

Buy a lottery ticket.

Hang on.

[smirkymonkey]

5. Would you consider therapy??

It sounds like you may be clinically depressed. I know it seems like things are hopeless on the outside, but a lot of it has to do with how our minds interpret reality. I am not trying to sound flip, but I have been where you are and I have come out the other side.

I saw the world exactly as you did and I really thought there was no way out except out. I have since gotten a lot of help (it's out there, you may have to look a little, but check with social services in your area to see what they offer) and have done almost a complete 180.

I'm not happy all the time, but I am sooooo much better. A lot of it has to do with changing the way my mind processes things (cognitive therapy) and not projecting into the future. Just doing the best job I can with what I've got each day. Things can change, but it may take a little time.

Please don't harm yourself, sometimes our depression can be a catalyst for raising us to a higher level of awareness if we choose to take it on. I am reading a book by Pema Chodron called "When Things Fall Apart" and it has really helped me (along with other books) learn to cope with life's pain and unfairness.

I am glad that you can see some positive in yourself and in your life - it seems like you have a lot going for you in certain areas, but your self-esteem seems to have taken a blow. You don't have to answer this, but if you drink heavily or use drugs regularly it may be contributing to your depression. There is help available for that too. PM me if you want - I really hope you will be allright! :) Take care for now - I am going to bed.

[Ladyhawk]

7. I've been through the whole treatment thing.

My case is extremely treatment-resistant. The only thing that broke it was ECT (shock treatments) and now, four years later, I'm back to square one. Yeah, I've sought "professional help" for over half my life. Unfortunately, I'm one of the 20% of people for whom anti-depressants have no positive effect.

If it's available, I've tried it.

(And no, Skinner, you don't have to sic the police on me again. I'm not currently suicidal.)

I am still trying. I feel strongly that something about my body is really not OK. I'm biochemically FUBAR.

[smirkymonkey]

6. Oh, also for the back and neck

pain, I have been going regularly to a chiropractor for about a year now and it has completely eliminated my pain. Also I feel much healthier. Antidepressants are also very helpful if it is determined that your depression is clinical and not just situational...I has made a huge difference to me - really helped me cope.

I know you have been hurt, and I have also come from an abusive background, but I have really been able to work through it, for the most part and feel more optimistic about life now (I am 39) than I did 10 years ago. You are not damaged goods - we all have our baggage and you have to trust that there are people out there who will love you for who you are. Take Care and get a good nights' sleep!

[Ladyhawk]

8. I can't afford a chiropractor. Period.

I'm also afraid to go to one because the neurosurgeon warned me against it. In fact, it was on a day when I had seen a chiropractor that both my hands went numb and I knew something was seriously wrong. I have two herniated discs in my neck which are allowing my vertebrae to compress major nerves. My right thumb never regained all its feeling.

Anyway, I'm trying physical therapy again. I'm supposed to get another MRI, too. The only option left is surgery and I'm not looking forward to that. I guess I'm just out-and-out grumpy about developing herniated discs and a diabetic relapse. I was supposed to be all better by now--not getting worse.

I need a T-shirt that says, "I went through electric shock therapy and all I got was a temporary remission."

Sorry. It's the grumpiness thing.

[southerngirlwriter]

3. Agreed.

I'm really struggling too, and this question and your other thread seems like a subtle request for help. If there's anything we can do, please let us know.

:hug: